Damien in Seattle saw this at the local Salvation Army thrift store.

Says Damien, “The kicker on this one isn’t as much what’s said as what ISN’T said. This note clearly had a lot more to it that was — probably by a clearer head — snipped off.”

Annie writes, “This a note my roommate left me expressing her discontent with me because I would, while straightening up, put her placemats back in the drawer. I was putting away her placemats to clean up…but also because they are the most hideous things I have ever seen [see exhibit b]. She also got mad at me for putting out my old bathmat while I was washing hers. I especially like that she assumes I will ‘trash it’ when I am ready.”

EXHIBIT B, the placemats:

Explains Sarah in New York City: “One lab in the building where I work has covered the walls outside their lab with candid photos of the lab members. Over time, some of these photos got some ‘modifications’ from passers-by, such as a mustache or horns here or there.  (Mature, I know.) Today, I noticed the photos were gone.” In their place…

UPDATE: Sarah provides a look at the note in context. (Unfortunately, without the original “artwork.”)

“The Healthy Companies Committee,” explains Katherine in D.C., is the name of the office pep squad led by the sender of the e-mail. (“Ironically,” she adds, “he does not seem to be able to deal with his frustration in a ‘healthy’ way.”)

The hilarity of this note is more subtle than say, a “Thank you Terry,” but don’t be fooled: it’s not your garden-variety “do your dishes” note, either. (Pay particular attention to paragraphs one and four.) It’s like something straight out of a script from The Office.

Don’t you wish you could read the earlier drafts?

Today’s tasteless gross-out is brought to us by Christina in Irvine, California. (My apologies in advance.)

Writes Kristi in Chicago: “This was sent from our receptionist to the ENTIRE office (except, for some reason, me, until a coworker forwarded it so I wouldn’t miss out on the fun. It’s the receptionist’s job to order supplies and put away deliveries, but apparently she doesn’t like to do any heavy lifting. The last line really sent the office into a tizzy!”

(click to enlarge)

It’s the second-to-last line that sends me into a bit of a tizzy…

Brandy in York Haven, Pennsylvania forgot to put water back in the fridge, she says, “and my boyfriend likes his cold water.” Yikes.

Also note the list of tasks for Brandy and her boyfriend at upper right. Um, so much for challenging gender stereotypes at home, huh?

Mary saw this collection of missives while visiting friends in Long Island City, Queens last spring.

Anthony left a note on the door…

Saving his pennies for someday…

You oughta know by now

Workin’ too hard can give you a heart attackackackackackack

And it seems such a waste of time

You should never argue with a crazy mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mind

But she’s not movin’ out.

An anonymous submitter brings us this note from the kitchen of Vermont Theater’s group housing, “where all the techies live.” Unlike other notes we’ve seen attributed to management/the apartment/the cat, etc., our submitter says the bit at the bottom was, in fact, written by the house’s cleaning lady. “Granted,” he says, “the kitchen was messy, but this is from the CLEANING LADY!”

(I’m wondering though, if “messy” might be a bit of an understatement…)

Our anonymous submitter lives in a 30-story condo building in Chicago. Her father works in the same building, and received this note in the suggestion box.

“I found the letter slipped under my door one day,” she says. “My dad had put it there after reading it with his boss. I’m sure he’s damn proud of his little girl!”

In her defense, our submitter believes the notes allegations to be more than a bit exaggerated. “I have never (that I can remember) regurgitated in the garage,” she says, adding, in the immortal words of Salt n Pepa: “If I wanna take a guy home with me tonight/IT’S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!”