Stay home!!!

June 2nd, 2007 · 24 comments

Are you sneezing, achey, coughing or just feeling lousey? Well the best remedy for it is to stay home!!! And it is the best remedy for us healthy people, too.

(from an anonymous submitter in Maryland.)

→ 24 CommentsFILED UNDER: "helpful" advice · exclamation-point happy!!!! · illness · kitchen · Maryland · office · spelling and grammar police


Commenter confessions: dealing with office thieves

June 1st, 2007 · 17 comments

re: “You left evidence”, Good Soul says:

In 2001, I solved a “disappearing food” problem without these little notes. For some time (3 weeks or so), I bought some very nice food, put my name on it with a “do not touch — not for human consumption!” sign, and watched it disappear. I also found out about the fine taste of the thief – sugar was high in the rank. So on a random day, I placed a box of very nice sugar treats with the same sign, in the same place, and — as expected — it disappeared pretty soon. That was 9-10AM. By 2PM, the horse laxative I put in the food made two co-workers abandon the office in a hurry, only to spend the next 24 to 48 hours in the hospital.

Nothing was ever said (it could lead to lawsuit). If needed, I would claim the treats where for my horses, and “not for human consumption” — notice a similarity? I immediately stopped eating the food I left behind, just in case they thought of doing the same. Somehow, food never disappeared again. Next time I would use ink — permanent ink — just in case the idiots choose the lawsuit option.

re: “I swear this isn’t some kind of stealth viral marketing campaign”, LQP says:

Back in the day when I worked at a public library somebody stole my Hot Pockets. I responded by writing this passive-aggressive haiku (or something similar, I can’t recall it exactly) and posting it on the fridge:

Dear Hot Pocket Thief:
I hope that it tastes like guilt,
So hot and delish

The next day there was a note from the Hot Pocket thief who was profuse in his/her apology, as well as two new replacement boxes of hot pockets. I felt really terrible despite it all, and attempt to curb any passive aggressive behavior from myself.

re:“I spit in mine”, briggs says:

Where I used to work, there was this guy who would drink from anothers guy drink when he left the room. One time he place his drink on a napkin and wrote: “I spit in this”. When he got back somebody else had written “So did I!”

 

→ 17 CommentsFILED UNDER: food · office · office fridge · spitting · stealing · touching


Hey, fatty

June 1st, 2007 · 56 comments

Awkward request, indeed.

awkward request

→ 56 CommentsFILED UNDER: all-staff e-mail · hey fatty · office


Let’s start with some basic bathroom etiquette.

June 1st, 2007 · 23 comments

“I was out of the country for a week, and when I came back, I found this gem taped to the bathroom mirror,” explains our anonymous submitter in New York City”" (a.k.a. ‘Pig’). ”I’ve since moved out of the apartment — after she accused me of peeing on the bathroom floor and into the non-existent bathroom air freshener, and I decided I couldn’t take any more of her.”

Let's start with some basic bathroom etiquette.

→ 23 CommentsFILED UNDER: "helpful" advice · bathroom · bathtub · hair · hygiene · New York · roommates · toilet


pour la derniere fois!!!

June 1st, 2007 · 8 comments

mike in paris brings us this petit message passif-agressif:

paris.jpg

<<paris – 28 may 2007

urgent!

one must do one’s work during the daytime and NOT at night, or else it’s the police that will be working!

for the last time!>>

→ 8 CommentsFILED UNDER: Francais · neighbors · noise · Paris


Cross-country elevator action

May 31st, 2007 · 26 comments

One of these notes is from Los Angeles; one is from Lexington, Kentucky. Can you guess which is which?

If you are going to shoot Porn in the elevator — Please clean up after you are done!

Please do not spit in the elevator

(Thanks to Eve in Kentucky and Natalie in L.A. for submitting.)

→ 26 CommentsFILED UNDER: California · elevator · Kentucky · Lexington · Los Angeles · office · sex sex sex


This means you!!!

May 31st, 2007 · 16 comments

From Amy in Ocean Pines, Maryland, who explains: “I have had a problem with the people I live with (namely my husband and sister) who do not understand the concept that a dryer full of lint is a fire hazard [!!!]”

Clean the filter before starting dryer! I am sick of telling people!

→ 16 CommentsFILED UNDER: exclamation-point happy!!!! · family · Maryland


Who’s the smartass?

May 31st, 2007 · 23 comments

From Lindsay in Burbank:

Who's the asshole?

Says the author of post-it #2: “The next day, she added a note that said, ‘Keep eating my sushi and you’re going to find out!’”

And from Jason in New Haven:

PLEASE DO NOT PUT MILK CARTONS ON REFRIGERATOR DOOR

(To the left, the original note. To the right, the response.)

If you’re guessing these guys are engineers, you’re not that far off.

→ 23 CommentsFILED UNDER: Burbank · California · Connecticut · food · milk · New Haven · office · office fridge · rebuttals · smartass · stealing


Switch to tea

May 31st, 2007 · 9 comments

This note is like the teenager who manages to contain themselves long enough to grudgingly recite a lengthy mandated apology, but then can’t resist turning around and giving the finger afterwards…or the perky flight attendant who finally cracks when the drunk fat guy hits the call button again at the end of a long flight. Mmm, feel the repressed rage!

Coffee Etiquette: Please be courteous to your fellow employees. If you drain a pot or leave very little left, make a new pot. Don't simply turn off the burner and walk away. If there is less than a full pot between the 2, pour one into another and make a fresh pot. It only takes 30 seconds to put the coffee into a filter and push a button. If that is too difficult, maybe you should switch to tea.

(Thanks to Jenn in Hudson, Ohio for submitting!)

RELATED:

Rage against the coffee machine

→ 9 CommentsFILED UNDER: "helpful" advice · bullet points · coffee · etiquette · office · Ohio


passive perfectionism

May 31st, 2007 · 12 comments

Setting the bar high (as spotted by Corey in Winnipeg.)

Be sure to leave the bathroom/toilet pristine after use. Thank you.

UPDATE: A copy cat’s on the loose!

the sincerest form of passive-aggression

→ 12 CommentsFILED UNDER: bathroom · Canada · office · toilet · Winnipeg