Not cool, man. Not cool.

July 15th, 2013 · 76 comments

Explains our submitter in Maryland: “Housemate is pregnant. She doesn’t like it when we leave the AC on.” (Ya think?)

I will straight up MURDER the next person who uses "Cool" and "Fan" together. STOP IT!

related: The womb that would birth a thousand excuses

→ 76 CommentsFILED UNDER: die bitch die · Maryland · preggers · roommates · temperature


Are you happy now?

July 11th, 2013 · 65 comments

The day before her birthday, Emily in Baton Rouge was lamenting the fact that her husband had never once surprised me with a cookie cake. (Hint, hint.)

The next day, her husband “surprised” her with what Emily called “quite possibly the best present I’ve ever received — not only hilarious, but delicious as well!”

Are you happy now?

Meanwhile, writes Chanisa in Danbury, Connecticut: “This is what my husband wrote on my birthday cake after I nagged him about it for a week.”

Happy f*cking birthday

related: I don’t want to hear another damn word about flowers

→ 65 CommentsFILED UNDER: birthday · cake · Connecticut · love & marriage


Please take your pants out of the window

July 11th, 2013 · 54 comments

“Every once in awhile,” writes Sarah in San Diego, “some disgruntled person in my condo building slides a (always unsigned) note under my door declaring their fury at some minor offense. This is the latest.”

Pls take your pants out of the window. This is a holiday! Everyone is laughing. Thank you.

“For the record,” Sarah adds, “said pants were bright-pink Lilly Pulitzer circa 1985; put near a window to dry — I don’t trust my thrift shop purchases to just any dryer — and I think only added to the general festivity of July 4th as they fluttered in the cross breeze!”

related: Sentimental pants

→ 54 CommentsFILED UNDER: neighbors · San Diego


Could you please tone down your atheism?

July 9th, 2013 · 135 comments

Matt found this note outside his house in Minneapolis, and says he hasn’t the slightest idea what sort of “godless activities” Barb & Tom could be hinting at.

Hi! We're your new neighbors! Our little girl is very young and impressionable and we would like to know if you could tone down your godless activities when she's home from school. Thanx so much! Barb & Tom

related: Risky business

→ 135 CommentsFILED UNDER: God · most popular notes of 2013 · neighbors · Won't somebody think of the children?


Show yourself!

July 8th, 2013 · 33 comments

Our submitter says this sign — written in marker on a section of faux wainscoting paneling — appeared last week in front of a neighbor’s house, deep in the foothills of Appalachia. I’m not sure who did the yelling,” our submitter adds, “but I now feel the uncontrollable urge to yell “PU@@Y!” every time I pass by.”

TO THE PERSON WHO YELLED PU@@Y AT ME WHILE DRIVING BY: COME SEE ME AND WE WILL FIND OUT WHO IS SCARED! SHOW YOURSELF

Slightly more mysterious is this sign, which showed up one day on a dead-end country road in Washington state. Says our submitter, Chris: “There aren’t that many neighbors out here, so it would not have been too hard to find the ’1st class jerk.’”

 To the guy driving the black pickup with two German Shepheds [sic] You're a 1st class JERK!

But the most mysterious of them all comes to us from Providence, Rhode Island. Says Melinda: “My neighbors are all friendly and we all know each other’s first names, so I have no idea why they would put such an ominous sign in their yard. But why else would you post this sign unless it was for someone that might see it?”

Shame on you you know who you are!

related: Cell phones kill ‘possums!

→ 33 CommentsFILED UNDER: driving · neighbors · pointlessly self-censored profanity · small town living · you know who you are


Every once in a blue moon…

July 7th, 2013 · 40 comments

Here’s something we rarely see around here: a happy ending!

Explains Amanda in Fort Collins, Colorado:  “Last week, the trailer that lives outside the Food Co-op had its wheel stolen, and they weren’t able to do the food drop-off. Disgruntled, Karen put this sign on the sad, one-wheeled trailer.”

TO THE PERSON WHO STOLE THE WHEEL FROM THIS TRAILER...this is used to bring food from the co-op to the hungry people of the rescue mission & the Matthews house. Thanks to you we can't do this anymore. Please consider how your actions affect the community. ? Fort Collins Food Finders

Then, Amanda says, “Three days ago, a man came into the co-op. He walked up to the register and, without saying anything, put a BRAND NEW trailer wheel on the counter. ‘I saw your sign,’ he said. ‘I used to eat at the Mission, but now I don’t need to. I wanted to bring you this.’” Then he walked out.

related: The Good Samaritan

→ 40 CommentsFILED UNDER: Colorado · guilt trip · heart · most popular notes of 2013 · stealing


Blah blah blah…MURICA!

July 3rd, 2013 · 45 comments

“From what I know,” says our submitter in Dayton, “the owner of this building wanted to open a used tire store, but city officials denied his paperwork. He eventually opened the business in a neighboring town,” leaving behind this monument to ‘Murica.

Sorry to have painted this flag in the city of Dayton. I wonder if I can get on the wish list. Ha Ha. BS we welcome new businesses. I asked to open in July of 2008 but I'm still closed in the city of Dayton.

Sorry to have painted this flag in the city of Dayton. I wonder if I can get on the wish list. Ha Ha. BS we welcome new businesses. I asked to open in July of 2008 but I'm still closed in the city of Dayton.

related: Do you hate America?

→ 45 CommentsFILED UNDER: crazypants · Dayton · raging against the machine


The Considerate Thief

July 2nd, 2013 · 42 comments

Chelsea in Canada was biking past her neighbo(u)r’s lawn when she saw this sign, and the sheer Canadian-ness of it made her laugh so hard she nearly fell off her bike. (Chelsea then apologized to her handlebars, the asphalt, and the world in general before snapping this photo and continuing, politely, on her way.)

Happy Belated Canada Day, everyone!

If you steal our rhubarb, pull the root out with the stem. When you chop the stem at the base, the rhubarb doesn't grow back. Please be a considerate thief.

related: Canadian is Angry; Still Says “Thank You”

 

→ 42 CommentsFILED UNDER: Canada · flowers, trees, houseplants & gardens · most popular notes of 2013 · painfully polite · stealing


Leave kitty alone!

July 1st, 2013 · 91 comments

Writes Susan in Delaware: “My family and I live in a very large apartment complex and recently discovered a mother cat and her five kittens living in the bushes. We called a local trap/neuter/return charity so that we could get the kittens and her mom basic vet care, shots, and neutering. We posted notes next to each trap explaining exactly what we were doing, and that all housecats with collars/tags would be immediately released.”

Over the course of a week, Susan says, no non-feral cats were caught, but for whatever reason one of the neighbors decided to steal all of the traps and replace them with this lovely note.

FORGOTTEN IDIOTS We know you have no life but LEAVE OUR CATS ALONE and find something else to do with your sorry ass life. Some of us have Cats who we let out and have all their shots and we don't need your

“The kicker of all this is that trapping feral cats actually protects the health of house cats,” Susan says. “Even if their cat did get accidentally picked up it would have gotten free vet care, since I’m the one coughing up $35 per cat for the honor of watching, baiting, and setting the traps multiple times per day.”

Adds Susan: “The ‘Yetters’ mentioned is a nearby liquor store. I assume the writer of this note spends a lot of time there.”

related: “Place cats in box”

→ 91 CommentsFILED UNDER: blame it on the crackhead · cats · Delaware · neighbors · spelling and grammar police · unnecessary "quotation marks"


Say it over and over until you get it right: BOYS

June 30th, 2013 · 50 comments

Our submitter in Peoria, Illinois says one of the sales reps at his office is known for posting crazy notes like this all over the office. “He might have some anger management issues,” our submitter adds.

Don't say "I WAS calling you"..... its "i AM calling you ..." Was is past tense - meaning you already did it. Example: I was sleeping, I was thinking of you. I am is present tense NOW was is past tense!

There is no such word as BOYS'S its BOYS. Do you say girls's or kids's or any other word that ends in the letter s now say it over and over til you get it right: boys

related: If there were ever a time to hold your red pen…

→ 50 CommentsFILED UNDER: Illinois · office · office cop · spelling and grammar police