Holly in Minnesota noticed this insert in her box of Blick pastels. “I think that last sentence (?) safely takes the tone over the line from gently defensive to quite douche-y,” she says. (Of course, if she were a *real* artist…)
Then there’s these (non-pastel-colored) cupcake liners, with their message of, as Victoria in Brooklyn put it: “If you care, buy our baking cups. If you don’t give a crap about the Earth, buy that other brand.”
Writes Mark in the U.K.: “My friend went over to his sister’s place to house sit for a week and when he arrived he was greeted with this. The ‘help yourself to our empty cupboards’ bit is a joy in itself, but having to be told not to try on her housemate’s lingerie is a total gem.”
“My dear, sweet grandmother is a treasure in my life,” writes Jessi in Dallas. To her horror, however, she realized — upon receiving this anonymous postcard from ‘a friend,’ — that she had forgotten to wish her grandmother a happy birthday this year.
Already feeling pretty guilty, says Jessi: “I immediately called her and received an additional 40-minute guilt trip over the phone. Today I sent her a birthday card in the mail.” Still, Jessi can’t help but how long it’ll be before she makes it off of Grandma’s “naughty list.”
Writes Katy in Tampa: “The vending machines in my office are old, and they eat someone’s money at least once a week. The vending machine guy told us to put a sticky on the machine saying how much money you lost and he’ll refund it when he comes to fill the machine. Apparently the machine was hungry this week.”
So, that was two weeks ago. Katy just wrote again with a follow-up: “Since the vending machine company has ignored our pleas to fix the machine, the notes just keep on coming.”
Danny works for a small print company in London. “Our lovely cleaner only comes in once a week, so it falls upon the rest of us to keep the office neat and tidy.” Danny says that, judging from this creation — made up hundreds of punched paper holes — “I’ve got a feeling that someone feels that they are doing more than their fair share.”
Lately, whenever I read a note like this, I can’t help but think of this bit by Louis CK:
Exhibit a) Spotted independently by both Kendy and Jane on the front gate of a cottage in a small English village. Writes Kendy: “I was surprised that in such a peaceful little place there were thieves bold enough to steal a child’s toy — and equally bold locals willing to publish their death wish to said thief!”
Exhibit b) From an office in Texas
Exhibit c) Found by John in Atlanta on the windshield of his car — which was parked just fine, he adds!
Exhibit d) Also from Atlanta, specifically the campus of Georgia Tech — Justin says this was posted by every bike rack in the vicinity of the Electrical Engineering building. (So he ripped one down, took it home, and scanned it.)
Writes our submitter in Michigan: “My sister-in-law graduated high school recently, and apparently calling to congratulate her — as opposed to driving 1200 miles to attend the ceremony — was a major slight.” (A slight I’m guessing she’d be willing to graciously overlook in exchange for 50 bucks or so.)
"When fridge thieves die, they join a circle of hell where, in the grandest Sisyphean style, they do a long day's work , get hungry as hell, go to grab their food, and it's gone! On some, especially hellish days, their food will be there, but someone will take it out of their hands right as they are about to take the first bite."