Passive-aggressive linkage

May 30th, 2007 · 6 comments

mcsweeneys.jpg

If you liked “Paul Gauguin, Passive-Aggressive Artist,” you might enjoy “Passive-aggressive Vegan Grocery Cashier: A Day in the Life,” from the McSweeney’s archives…or any of the “Open letters to people or entities who are unlikely to respond.”

Or you might not. Perhaps you’re a member of the millennial generation! in that case, you might prefer something a bit more “multimedia.”

→ 6 CommentsFILED UNDER: fiction · tangent time


Yeah, I got fired…but that Hot Pocket sure was worth it.

May 30th, 2007 · 14 comments

This exercise in redundancy is brought to us by Erika in Los Angeles. It’s like the note-writer couldn’t decide which tactic would be most effective and just opted for all of the above.

REMEMBER!

→ 14 CommentsFILED UNDER: "helpful" advice · bullet points · excessive underlining · food · guilt trip · high on highlighter · Los Angeles · not-so-veiled threats · office · office fridge · pleasantries as afterthought · spelling and grammar police · stealing


Killing you with cuteness

May 30th, 2007 · 25 comments

Michele in Jasper, Indiana says she doesn’t actually expect to see her digital camera again, “but I at least wanted to inflict some guilt on the person who took it.”

If you are the person who stole my digital camera, I hope you enjoy the pictures of my little girl; her name is Ella. Also, you left the USB cable - you're going to need it.

→ 25 CommentsFILED UNDER: guilt trip · Indiana · office · stealing


Four legs good, two legs bad

May 29th, 2007 · 33 comments

After reading apt. 10′s response, I can’t help but side with the defendant — especially after Melissa in Omaha revealed that this particular neighbor posts notes like this quite frequently. Because really, that shit is disrespectful.

Dear Lazy Filth Pigs in #10, Since your little boy is too small to get bags into the dumpster, we now have a bag of your trash, diapers and all, lying spread on the ground in front of the dumpster. Not like anybody in this building has any hope that you will, but would you clean up you garbage?

OK first of all I did not now [sic] that. That had happen my son did not tell me.

→ 33 CommentsFILED UNDER: garbage · more aggressive than passive · neighbors · oh snap · Omaha · p.s. · rebuttals · spelling and grammar police


I swear this isn’t some kind of stealth viral marketing campaign

May 29th, 2007 · 33 comments

…but Hot Pockets are totally the car radios of the communal freezer.

Exhibit a: New York City

To Whoever stole my "Hot Pocket": It's not done and not nice :(

Exhibit b: Southern Oregon

Dear Hot Pocket Thief! Stop stealing it's wrong & I'm hungry with no lunch!!! Thanks

Exhibit c: Washington, D.C.

To the individual whom [sic] stole the hotpockets! They did not belong to you! By you consuming said hotpockets you have committed a theft! This shall not be tolerated!

Exhibit d: Oahu, Hawaii

Tried to steal hot pockets

Thanks to Beth at Columbia and DJ Shaggy for their help in uncovering this phenomenon.

→ 33 CommentsFILED UNDER: excessive underlining · exclamation-point happy!!!! · office · office fridge · sad face · spelling and grammar police · stealing · unnecessary "quotation marks" · whiteboard


Gentrification is insanit(ar)y

May 28th, 2007 · 21 comments

This sign (spotted by Seamus in Noe Valley, San Fran) is sort of a West-Coast version of this, no?

Liberal loonies take notice. Please do not spit on my windows because your liberal looney views are different than mine. It is not the American way, also it is insanitary [sic] to spread your radical germs in Looney Valley.

→ 21 CommentsFILED UNDER: California · crazypants · excessive underlining · more aggressive than passive · more like crazy · politics · San Francisco · spitting


You left evidence.

May 28th, 2007 · 19 comments

Don’t be fooled by the smiley: this is the kind of note that really throws you off balance. (It’s been more than a month since she received this note, and Kiki from Boston says she’s still shaking in her boots a little.)

Hey You! Look — I know you ate some of my Smart Balance. You left evidence. Stealing is rude! Next time — ask. I'm ok with sharing y'know. :) Amy

related: I Can’t Believe It’s Not (My) Butter

→ 19 CommentsFILED UNDER: Boston · excessive underlining · exclamation-point happy!!!! · food · office · office fridge · smiley · stealing


Microwaves for Dummies

May 27th, 2007 · 7 comments

I agree with Katrina in Ann Arbor, Michigan — the last  ”…etc.” bullet point is what makes the sign totally genius. And, apparently, effective.

Katrina adds, “Our microwave is a pristine fucking sanctum suitable for storing, say, the Dead Sea Scrolls, so maybe people are leaving the shrink wrap on their Lean Cuisines.”

REASONS YOU SHOULD NOT USE THIS MICROWAVE

→ 7 CommentsFILED UNDER: "helpful" advice · bullet points · cleaning · Michigan · microwave · odor · office


Your last day of work was yesterday

May 26th, 2007 · 19 comments

I’m all, “whoa, they left him a note instead of telling him face-to-face?” and Scott’s like, “Yep, I guess probably because the night operator was a pretty big dude.”

Way harsh!

How’s that for way harsh? The numbered list at the end is my favorite part.

→ 19 CommentsFILED UNDER: fired · now that's management · office


The Mad Bomber, Act 3: We are watching you

May 25th, 2007 · 55 comments

If you missed them, catch  up with Act 1 and Act 2 of the Mad Bomber saga. Here, the  (somewhat anti-climactic) conclusion:

Through some help of our members and some tracking we now know who has been making the messes in the women's toilets. We know who you are! We are watching you and will catch you in the act. When this happens you will be prosecuted for destruction of property, attempting to harm our business and the cost we have gone through to clean up after you. Its [sic] time to bring this to an end!!!

It appears that season one of this series concludes with a dramatic cliffhanger ending. Will the Mad Bomber be caught in the act? Will Richard G. Sells post another notice outing the bomber for public humiliation and condemnation? We can only hope.

→ 55 CommentsFILED UNDER: bathroom · exclamation-point happy!!!! · gym · more aggressive than passive · not-so-veiled threats · toilet