Danke [for the sarcasm]!!!

June 4th, 2007 · 42 comments

Tim found this note in the basement storeroom of an apartment building in Kiel, Germany:

danke.jpg

Tim’s rough translation:

THANKS for filling [up the storeroom]!!!
I was able to get to the meter just SUPER!!!
tenant 5/1 [fifth floor, first apartment]

[hand written at the bottom] Many thanks from me too, tenant 5/2

→ 42 CommentsFILED UNDER: Deutsche · exclamation-point happy!!!! · neighbors


There you go, bringing Him into it again

June 4th, 2007 · 38 comments

What Would Jesus Steal?

Jesus doesn't steal Poptarts. NEITHER SHOULD YOU...

Jesus didn't steal hot wings & Pizza rolls Neither should you!! JJ + Destiny

This classroom is covered by the blood of Jesus. You deal with Him when you steal from children!

(Thanks to Sarah at Greenville College (a Christian school in Illinois) and  James in Beaumont, Texas for their submissions.)

related: Would Jesus steal jelly?

→ 38 CommentsFILED UNDER: college life · excessive underlining · food · Illinois · Jesus · stealing · you know who you are


The Post-it Wars

June 4th, 2007 · 23 comments

After receiving numerous “helpful tips” from her roommate at the University of Minnesota…

Tips for keeping counters clean!

TIP: If you use the sponge, squeeze it out and put it on the side of the sink. It will last longer and not get stinky! Thanks

DISH ETIQUETTE:  1) Please soak pots & pans IMMEDIATELY after use.  2) Put dishes in dishwasher right after washing them out.   3) Place cleaned cookware on a towel next to the sink.  4) Rinse dishes right after use.  5) Be considerate!

…Lydia decided to add a few “tips” of her own. (The large signs on the oven and the microwave were already there.)

Roommate's revenge

related: Meet the world’s crankiest roommate

→ 23 CommentsFILED UNDER: "helpful" advice · blitzkrieg approach · cleaning · college life · dishes · etiquette · excessive underlining · exclamation-point happy!!!! · food · kitchen · microwave · Minnesota · rebuttals · roommates · sponges


I would prefer

June 4th, 2007 · 17 comments

“I still put my stuff all over his couch,” says Ryan in D.C., who adds that this note is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to his “anal-retentive” roommate. Ryan will be moving out of the apartment soon, but (in a final passive-aggressive gesture) says he has stuffed the couch full of candy wrappers for his roommate to find.

I would prefer if things were not left on my couch. Thanks!

→ 17 CommentsFILED UNDER: D.C. · roommates


When Ph.d.s get frustrated

June 3rd, 2007 · 115 comments

Says Dave in New York City: “I love that this note contains a fairly detailed explanation of Lord Kelvin’s formulation of the second law of thermodynamics….and a helpful diagram!”

ATTENTION: Please do not run the a/c with the window open.

Complete with unnecessary diagram

related: When you get down to it

→ 115 CommentsFILED UNDER: "helpful" advice · college life · It's science! · most popular notes of 2007 · temperature · TL;DR · visual aids


If you sprinkle ellipses when you tinkle…

June 3rd, 2007 · 24 comments

Maybe it’s the manic use of ellipses and exclamation points, but this note makes me extremely uncomfortable.

Says submitter Erica in New York City, “As bad as it can get in the ladies’, I’ve been told the men’s bathroom is even worse.”

PLEASE LADIES........PLEASE

→ 24 CommentsFILED UNDER: "helpful" advice · bathroom · bullet points · Comic Sans Alert · ellipses-crazed · exclamation-point happy!!!! · hygiene · New York · office · spelling and grammar police · toilet


Cereal killer

June 3rd, 2007 · 21 comments

“My roommate Ian kept eating all the cereal I bought before I had a chance to have even a single bowl,” Dan says. Apparently the Cap’n decided to take matters into his own hands.

If I catch you eating this delicious cereal, I'll kill you in your sleep.

If you can’t read it, the Cap’n is saying: “Ian, If I catch you eating this delicious cereal, I’ll kill you in your sleep. Love, Dan.”

→ 21 CommentsFILED UNDER: cereal · excessive underlining · food · not-so-veiled threats · roommates · signed with love · stealing


Stay home!!!

June 2nd, 2007 · 24 comments

Are you sneezing, achey, coughing or just feeling lousey? Well the best remedy for it is to stay home!!! And it is the best remedy for us healthy people, too.

(from an anonymous submitter in Maryland.)

→ 24 CommentsFILED UNDER: "helpful" advice · exclamation-point happy!!!! · illness · kitchen · Maryland · office · spelling and grammar police


Commenter confessions: dealing with office thieves

June 1st, 2007 · 17 comments

re: “You left evidence”, Good Soul says:

In 2001, I solved a “disappearing food” problem without these little notes. For some time (3 weeks or so), I bought some very nice food, put my name on it with a “do not touch — not for human consumption!” sign, and watched it disappear. I also found out about the fine taste of the thief – sugar was high in the rank. So on a random day, I placed a box of very nice sugar treats with the same sign, in the same place, and — as expected — it disappeared pretty soon. That was 9-10AM. By 2PM, the horse laxative I put in the food made two co-workers abandon the office in a hurry, only to spend the next 24 to 48 hours in the hospital.

Nothing was ever said (it could lead to lawsuit). If needed, I would claim the treats where for my horses, and “not for human consumption” — notice a similarity? I immediately stopped eating the food I left behind, just in case they thought of doing the same. Somehow, food never disappeared again. Next time I would use ink — permanent ink — just in case the idiots choose the lawsuit option.

re: “I swear this isn’t some kind of stealth viral marketing campaign”, LQP says:

Back in the day when I worked at a public library somebody stole my Hot Pockets. I responded by writing this passive-aggressive haiku (or something similar, I can’t recall it exactly) and posting it on the fridge:

Dear Hot Pocket Thief:
I hope that it tastes like guilt,
So hot and delish

The next day there was a note from the Hot Pocket thief who was profuse in his/her apology, as well as two new replacement boxes of hot pockets. I felt really terrible despite it all, and attempt to curb any passive aggressive behavior from myself.

re:“I spit in mine”, briggs says:

Where I used to work, there was this guy who would drink from anothers guy drink when he left the room. One time he place his drink on a napkin and wrote: “I spit in this”. When he got back somebody else had written “So did I!”

 

→ 17 CommentsFILED UNDER: food · office · office fridge · spitting · stealing · touching


Hey, fatty

June 1st, 2007 · 56 comments

Awkward request, indeed.

awkward request

→ 56 CommentsFILED UNDER: all-staff e-mail · hey fatty · office