Writes Lauren in Kansas: “My roommate is known for her notes towards me and our other roommate. We never touch each other’s food as is, but I guess she felt the need to threaten us to keep it that way. Inside the box? A ton of containers of frozen cookie dough.”
Sadly, Lacey’s earlier notes to Lauren and her roommates went unrecorded. Lauren’s personal favorite:
If you’re hot run around naked
If you’re cold put on sweatshirts
Do NOT touch the heater
FILED UNDER: die bitch die · exclamation-point happy!!!! · food · Kansas · not-so-veiled threats · roommates · signed with love · stealing
Exhibit a) From Richmond, Virginia: the pedantic approach
Exhibit b) From Minneapolis: the conditional approach
Exhibit c) From Hartford, Connecticut: the ALL for one and one for ALL approach
Exhibit d) From Dallas: the federal government’s approach
(Thanks to Erik and Kim for their submissions.)
related: To the ICE GOBBLERS
FILED UNDER: "helpful" advice · CAPS LOCK · ice · office
Looks like both the Mad Bomber and Richard G. Sells have West-coast counterparts:
Grossed out? Yeah, me too. Blame Gregory in Los Angeles for documenting this one (!!!)
related: The Mad Bomber, Act 1: “Sorry about the language”
FILED UNDER: CAPS LOCK · die bitch die · ellipses-crazed · excessive underlining · exclamation-point happy!!!! · group bitchfest · Los Angeles · more aggressive than passive · office · piss · shit · that's disgusting · toilet
First, I’ll let Stephanie in Los Angeles explain the context for this one: “After a night of drinking, I let a friend of mine crash with me at my apartment. This friend, who does have her own apartment in the city, left with me in the morning, yet I still received this e-mail from my roommate later that day. This roommate hasn’t spoken to me in three months and communicates only in email.”
Date: Fri, 08 Jun 2007 16:00:31 -0400
I assume Whitney is currently visiting. I apologize, but must say that in the situation you and I are currently in, I do not feel comfortable with you having a guest stay in our apartment while you are not present. But more so and more importantly, I do not feel comfortable with you having a guest in our apartment while I am home and you are not.
As I currently have summer hours at work, I will be home for the day at 2pm today. would like to respectfully request that you suggest to your guest that she go sightseeing and/or exploring the city from that time until the time you are to return from work.
As I have done my best to avoid the apartment for the last many months, you have had ample time to feel comfortable in our apartment without me being there. For the good majority of the last few months, the only time I ever have without you in the apartment is while you are at work. Now, with your friend there, I do not even have that. As it is only for today, while you are at work, I would really appreciate your friend not being in the apartment when I am and you are not.
Please understand that I am not trying to be mean, malicious, rude, vindictive or anything of the sort. I simply would like to enjoy some time alone in my own apartment without feeling uncomfortable at the presence of a guest of yours given the light of our current situation. If you’d like, I can give you some suggestions of places to have her visit during the day such as the Grove, Hollywood Blvd., the beach in Santa Monica, Venice, etc.
I’m sure on a beautiful day like today that she does not just want to lay in an apartment anyway. So if you already have her out roaming the city until you return from work, please disregard this email and thank
you immensely for your consideration.
ps- could you please let me know how long Whitney is planning on
staying so I know if I will have to deal with this situation again next
week?? Thank you.
Adds Stephanie: “I just moved out of that apartment, and towards the end of my moveout day this roommate took some of my belongings and “donated” them to Goodwill. She said she didn’t think I needed them anymore.”
FILED UNDER: "helpful" advice · e-mail · Los Angeles · p.s. · roommates
“Apparently I was violating some building rules that annoyed my roommate,” says Alex in Waterloo, Ontario. “Rather than asking me in person, he wrote this on our front door for all to see.”
FILED UNDER: Canada · college life · roommates · Waterloo
This one — from Cassandra in Toronto — makes me wince. Seriously, ouch.
FILED UNDER: "helpful" advice · CAPS LOCK · elevator · neighbors · rhetorical question · Toronto
The third paragraph of the first e-mail is the brilliant part…though I’m gonna have to side with Michelle’s roommate on this one.
Adds Michelle: “that bread was fucking delicious.”
FILED UNDER: bread · CAPS LOCK · Charlottesville · college life · e-mail · food · more aggressive than passive · most popular notes of 2007 · not-so-veiled threats · p.s. · Virginia
From the Bay-area offices of Yahoo! HotJobs…
Those programmers…so literal-minded, sometimes.
(thiz onez fer u, slackferno.)
FILED UNDER: bathroom · double-entendre alert · kinda creepy · office · San Francisco · sex sex sex · shameless meme-mongering · toilet · Yahoo
(From Midgy in Madison, Wisconsin.)
related: With 17 roommates, it could have been worse
FILED UNDER: CAPS LOCK · dishes · not-so-veiled threats · p.s. · rhetorical question · roommates · sarcasm · spelling and grammar police · TL;DR · Wisconsin
Spotted by Ivy from Nashville in the offices of Nickelodeon in New York…
FILED UNDER: a little patronizing · New York · office · toilet