“My roommate Ian kept eating all the cereal I bought before I had a chance to have even a single bowl,” Dan says. Apparently the Cap’n decided to take matters into his own hands.
If you can’t read it, the Cap’n is saying: “Ian, If I catch you eating this delicious cereal, I’ll kill you in your sleep. Love, Dan.”
FILED UNDER: cereal · excessive underlining · food · not-so-veiled threats · roommates · signed with love · stealing
(from an anonymous submitter in Maryland.)
FILED UNDER: "helpful" advice · exclamation-point happy!!!! · illness · kitchen · Maryland · office · spelling and grammar police
In 2001, I solved a “disappearing food” problem without these little notes. For some time (3 weeks or so), I bought some very nice food, put my name on it with a “do not touch — not for human consumption!” sign, and watched it disappear. I also found out about the fine taste of the thief – sugar was high in the rank. So on a random day, I placed a box of very nice sugar treats with the same sign, in the same place, and — as expected — it disappeared pretty soon. That was 9-10AM. By 2PM, the horse laxative I put in the food made two co-workers abandon the office in a hurry, only to spend the next 24 to 48 hours in the hospital.
Nothing was ever said (it could lead to lawsuit). If needed, I would claim the treats where for my horses, and “not for human consumption” — notice a similarity? I immediately stopped eating the food I left behind, just in case they thought of doing the same. Somehow, food never disappeared again. Next time I would use ink — permanent ink — just in case the idiots choose the lawsuit option.
Back in the day when I worked at a public library somebody stole my Hot Pockets. I responded by writing this passive-aggressive haiku (or something similar, I can’t recall it exactly) and posting it on the fridge:
Dear Hot Pocket Thief:
I hope that it tastes like guilt,
So hot and delish
The next day there was a note from the Hot Pocket thief who was profuse in his/her apology, as well as two new replacement boxes of hot pockets. I felt really terrible despite it all, and attempt to curb any passive aggressive behavior from myself.
Where I used to work, there was this guy who would drink from anothers guy drink when he left the room. One time he place his drink on a napkin and wrote: “I spit in this”. When he got back somebody else had written “So did I!”
FILED UNDER: food · office · office fridge · spitting · stealing · touching
Awkward request, indeed.
FILED UNDER: all-staff e-mail · hey fatty · office
“I was out of the country for a week, and when I came back, I found this gem taped to the bathroom mirror,” explains our anonymous submitter in New York City”" (a.k.a. ‘Pig’). ”I’ve since moved out of the apartment — after she accused me of peeing on the bathroom floor and into the non-existent bathroom air freshener, and I decided I couldn’t take any more of her.”
FILED UNDER: "helpful" advice · bathroom · bathtub · hair · hygiene · New York · roommates · toilet
mike in paris brings us this petit message passif-agressif:
<<paris – 28 may 2007
one must do one’s work during the daytime and NOT at night, or else it’s the police that will be working!
for the last time!>>
FILED UNDER: Francais · neighbors · noise · Paris
One of these notes is from Los Angeles; one is from Lexington, Kentucky. Can you guess which is which?
(Thanks to Eve in Kentucky and Natalie in L.A. for submitting.)
FILED UNDER: California · elevator · Kentucky · Lexington · Los Angeles · office · sex sex sex
From Amy in Ocean Pines, Maryland, who explains: “I have had a problem with the people I live with (namely my husband and sister) who do not understand the concept that a dryer full of lint is a fire hazard [!!!]”
FILED UNDER: exclamation-point happy!!!! · family · Maryland
From Lindsay in Burbank:
Says the author of post-it #2: “The next day, she added a note that said, ‘Keep eating my sushi and you’re going to find out!’”
And from Jason in New Haven:
(To the left, the original note. To the right, the response.)
If you’re guessing these guys are engineers, you’re not that far off.
FILED UNDER: Burbank · California · Connecticut · food · milk · New Haven · office · office fridge · rebuttals · smartass · stealing
This note is like the teenager who manages to contain themselves long enough to grudgingly recite a lengthy mandated apology, but then can’t resist turning around and giving the finger afterwards…or the perky flight attendant who finally cracks when the drunk fat guy hits the call button again at the end of a long flight. Mmm, feel the repressed rage!
(Thanks to Jenn in Hudson, Ohio for submitting!)
Rage against the coffee machine
FILED UNDER: "helpful" advice · bullet points · coffee · etiquette · office · Ohio