Tim found this note in the basement storeroom of an apartment building in Kiel, Germany:
Tim’s rough translation:
THANKS for filling [up the storeroom]!!!
I was able to get to the meter just SUPER!!!
tenant 5/1 [fifth floor, first apartment]
[hand written at the bottom] Many thanks from me too, tenant 5/2
FILED UNDER: Deutsche · exclamation-point happy!!!! · neighbors
What Would Jesus Steal?
(Thanks to Sarah at Greenville College (a Christian school in Illinois) and James in Beaumont, Texas for their submissions.)
related: Would Jesus steal jelly?
FILED UNDER: college life · excessive underlining · food · Illinois · Jesus · stealing · you know who you are
After receiving numerous “helpful tips” from her roommate at the University of Minnesota…
…Lydia decided to add a few “tips” of her own. (The large signs on the oven and the microwave were already there.)
related: Meet the world’s crankiest roommate
FILED UNDER: "helpful" advice · blitzkrieg approach · cleaning · college life · dishes · etiquette · excessive underlining · exclamation-point happy!!!! · food · kitchen · microwave · Minnesota · rebuttals · roommates · sponges
“I still put my stuff all over his couch,” says Ryan in D.C., who adds that this note is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to his “anal-retentive” roommate. Ryan will be moving out of the apartment soon, but (in a final passive-aggressive gesture) says he has stuffed the couch full of candy wrappers for his roommate to find.
FILED UNDER: D.C. · roommates
Says Dave in New York City: “I love that this note contains a fairly detailed explanation of Lord Kelvin’s formulation of the second law of thermodynamics….and a helpful diagram!”
related: When you get down to it
FILED UNDER: "helpful" advice · college life · It's science! · most popular notes of 2007 · temperature · TL;DR · visual aids
Maybe it’s the manic use of ellipses and exclamation points, but this note makes me extremely uncomfortable.
Says submitter Erica in New York City, “As bad as it can get in the ladies’, I’ve been told the men’s bathroom is even worse.”
FILED UNDER: "helpful" advice · bathroom · bullet points · Comic Sans Alert · ellipses-crazed · exclamation-point happy!!!! · hygiene · New York · office · spelling and grammar police · toilet
“My roommate Ian kept eating all the cereal I bought before I had a chance to have even a single bowl,” Dan says. Apparently the Cap’n decided to take matters into his own hands.
If you can’t read it, the Cap’n is saying: “Ian, If I catch you eating this delicious cereal, I’ll kill you in your sleep. Love, Dan.”
FILED UNDER: cereal · excessive underlining · food · not-so-veiled threats · roommates · signed with love · stealing
(from an anonymous submitter in Maryland.)
FILED UNDER: "helpful" advice · exclamation-point happy!!!! · illness · kitchen · Maryland · office · spelling and grammar police
In 2001, I solved a “disappearing food” problem without these little notes. For some time (3 weeks or so), I bought some very nice food, put my name on it with a “do not touch — not for human consumption!” sign, and watched it disappear. I also found out about the fine taste of the thief – sugar was high in the rank. So on a random day, I placed a box of very nice sugar treats with the same sign, in the same place, and — as expected — it disappeared pretty soon. That was 9-10AM. By 2PM, the horse laxative I put in the food made two co-workers abandon the office in a hurry, only to spend the next 24 to 48 hours in the hospital.
Nothing was ever said (it could lead to lawsuit). If needed, I would claim the treats where for my horses, and “not for human consumption” — notice a similarity? I immediately stopped eating the food I left behind, just in case they thought of doing the same. Somehow, food never disappeared again. Next time I would use ink — permanent ink — just in case the idiots choose the lawsuit option.
Back in the day when I worked at a public library somebody stole my Hot Pockets. I responded by writing this passive-aggressive haiku (or something similar, I can’t recall it exactly) and posting it on the fridge:
Dear Hot Pocket Thief:
I hope that it tastes like guilt,
So hot and delish
The next day there was a note from the Hot Pocket thief who was profuse in his/her apology, as well as two new replacement boxes of hot pockets. I felt really terrible despite it all, and attempt to curb any passive aggressive behavior from myself.
Where I used to work, there was this guy who would drink from anothers guy drink when he left the room. One time he place his drink on a napkin and wrote: “I spit in this”. When he got back somebody else had written “So did I!”
FILED UNDER: food · office · office fridge · spitting · stealing · touching
Awkward request, indeed.
FILED UNDER: all-staff e-mail · hey fatty · office