A pre-emptive strike

May 2nd, 2013 · 44 comments

Eddy shares a house in Providence, Rhode Island with his sister. “We’re both busy with school and work,” Eddy says, “so we take turns cleaning the bathroom.” Well, sort of. “I usually put it off for weeks,” Eddy admits.

Dear Eddy, Thank you for taking the time out of your busy week to clean the bathroom. I have bought cleaning supplies for your endeavor. ? Carissa

Adds Eddy: “By the way, the heart translates loosely to ‘I’ll f’ing kill you.’”

related: The patron(izing) saint of roommates

→ 44 CommentsFILED UNDER: bathroom · cleaning · family · Providence · thanks (but not really)


Just to watch him die

May 1st, 2013 · 72 comments

Nicole used to live in Reno, Nevada. Unless you’ve lived there, Nicole says, “then you can’t fully understand what a straaaange place it is, but this note might help.” She found it about four years ago in personals section of the Pennysaver. Four years later, Nicole says, “I still feel a joyous bewilderment upon reading it. I can’t wait to show it to my grandkids some day.”

ATTENTION: ALL CASINO WORKERS AND SHOW PEOPLE! Message from Teddy Williams. What kind of a

related: You’re toast, Melba.

→ 72 CommentsFILED UNDER: crazypants · exclamation-point happy!!!! · most popular notes of 2013 · Nevada · newspaper · TL;DR · WTF?


The Paper Towel Apocalypse

April 29th, 2013 · 50 comments

It you want people to actually pay attention to your bathroom signage, it’s go big or go home. This one certainly made Jennifer in Tennessee take notice.

Ladies, Please do not put any paper/plastic products in the toilet paper other than toilet paper (ie paper towels, feminine hygiene products, etc). This is hugely important as these toilets are directly connected to the epicenter of the planet earth and the world will end is a cataclysmic explosion of apocalyptic proportions if anything, other than toilet paper, is placed inside. We have provided these cute, little silver trash cans for your convenience...and to help you save the world from certain destruction. Thank you.

related: Things not to flush down the toilet: your hopes, your dreams…your sweaters

→ 50 CommentsFILED UNDER: all clogged up · i.e. or e.g. it's all greek -- or is it latin? -- to me · Tennessee · toilet


The don of donut discipline

April 28th, 2013 · 144 comments

Don is the organizer of a doughnut co-op in his Chicago office, in which each co-worker takes a turn bringing in doughnuts every Friday to share with the rest of the group. “One of my co-workers is notorious for cutting doughnuts in half and leaving the other half behind in the box,” Don says, “which annoys some of the other members of the co-op. Apparently a co-worker felt that I was failing to maintain doughnut discipline and took it upon himself to post this warning.”

Adds Don: “Half-doughnuts are no longer showing up.”

Bad: Thinking of cutting a donut. Worse: Actually cutting a donut. Worst: Cutting a donut and leaving the other half behind. Better: Cutting a donut and throwing the other half away. Best: Eat the whole damn donut!

related: The Office Breakroom Nibbler

→ 144 CommentsFILED UNDER: Chicago · etiquette · food · most popular notes of 2013 · office


Free mattress, anyone?

April 25th, 2013 · 76 comments

Has cat piss smell

Free!!! Take it before the lady next door gets madder! : (

Thanks for the housewarming gift but we already have a mattress

Seriously? You know who u are — TAKE RESPONSIBILITY!!!

related: Down and dirty down under

→ 76 CommentsFILED UNDER: garbage · you know who you are


Six-year-olds make the best birthday cards

April 24th, 2013 · 23 comments

Brad in Nebraska says this birthday card from his six-year-old niece, Dani, stopped the whole family in its tracks. (With its awesomeness, I assume!) Mckenna, you are one lucky lady.

I love you when you are scared and also sweet I love you if you can't chew corn and I love you when you hate mama's meat Happy Birthday Mckenna

Happy “WTF?” Wednesday, everyone!

related: Mom likes Dad’s meat

→ 23 CommentsFILED UNDER: birthday · kids · not so much passive-aggressive


Break the wrist, walk away

April 22nd, 2013 · 27 comments

Rob in Dallas says this note appeared “after the martial arts ‘gym’ closed down unexpectedly.” (Full disclosure: I have no idea what “gym” is supposed to imply.)

Warning to the few good people here. A lying phoney bastard called Hawkins was teaching martial arts upstairs. If you meet this scumbag don't sign any papers the asswhole [sic] teaches nothing but shit

P.S. I’m sure I’m not alone in picturing Hawkins like this:

Rex Kwon Do

related: Peter, professional tattoo artist and assistant instructor of Japanese swordsmanship

→ 27 CommentsFILED UNDER: Dallas/Fort Worth · spelling and grammar police · warning · WTF?


Hellfire & arthritis

April 21st, 2013 · 45 comments

An eye for an eye, I understand. But a flower for joint inflammation?

You stole my sunflowers? God punished you with ARTHRITIS! Cheers!

(Thanks to Sandra in Los Angeles for submitting!)

related: No, He uses Vaseline.

→ 45 CommentsFILED UNDER: flowers, trees, houseplants & gardens · God · Los Angeles · stealing


The naked truth

April 18th, 2013 · 56 comments

Writes Nick in New York: “Those of you who have ever lived alone will remember the feeling of liberation and wild abandon that comes with getting your first solo space after a lifetime of family and crazy roommates.”

He continues: ”Unfortunately, I’ve got neighbors across a very narrow alley (about 6 feet across) and all our windows face each other. When I first moved in I noticed their shades were always down so I carried on with the kinds of things mid-20s guys do when they live alone. I have no idea what they had an opportunity to see, but it was enough to inspire them to post this note on all three windows. Whoops?”

To The New Neighbor Dear Neighbor: Welcome to the building. Given the close proximity of our windows and out of respect for each others' privacy, we would ask that you please pull your shade down to a reasonable height. Thank you.

related: Buy curtains. Please.

→ 56 CommentsFILED UNDER: actually totally reasonable · neighbors · New York


What rhymes with putrid?

April 16th, 2013 · 52 comments

Having only worked at this office for a short time, Kay in Houston doesn’t know exactly what “The Fish Smell Invasion of 2012” refers to, “but being familiar with what happens in shared fridges,” she says, “I can guess.”

I was going to write a cutesy poem with lots of rhyming words, like old, mold, and other -old words. It was pretty terrible, so you're welcome I didn't write it. Instead, please take a quick peek in the fridge/freezer and see if something in here is yours and can be tossed. Also, um, that giant foil thing of food? The Fish Smell invasion of 2012 shall not be repeated.

And as an extra special bonus: my (procrastinatory) ode to “The Fish Smell Invasion of 2012″ —

related: Passive-Aggressive Poetry Corner

→ 52 CommentsFILED UNDER: odor · office fridge · pure poetry