Neighbors too loud? The Police can handle it.

October 27th, 2014 · 65 comments

This one speaks for itself, no?

Every breath you take Every move you make Every bond you break Every step you take Is really audible through the floor. xo

(Thanks to our submitter, Bonnie in Edinburgh.)

related: A review of last night’s performance

→ 65 CommentsFILED UNDER: neighbors · noise


Candy rationing is now in place!

October 21st, 2014 · 40 comments

Previously, our submitter says, bowls of candy sat in an area of the office most commonly populated by waiting customer and potential hires.

“Now, instead of candy, most of them get to see this note. It provides them with things to think about as they wait, such as: How many Jolly Ranchers, Starlight Mints, and other candies which are neither chocolate nor caramel may one take from each bowl?”

STOP and READ!  Attention Candy Lovers!  Due to the sudden interest in candy the FCA has asked me to start RESTRICTING the amount of candy we consume daily. Candy will only be available between 1:00pm-3:00pm Monday-Friday!  Only take one piece of caramel or chocolate candy from each bowl if necessary!  Thank you for your cooperation!

recently: More office candy bowl drama

→ 40 CommentsFILED UNDER: candy · office · office cop


Return to sender

October 11th, 2014 · 48 comments

Writes our submitter: “This note was left in the TEMPORARY mailbox that we put up to collect mail during a substantial construction phase at our house.”

In order to appease the anonymous critic, she says, “I have since placed a large neon green bow around the offending structure,” and plans to continue. “I’m going for the ‘North Pole threw up here’ look,” she says.

You have a beautiful house but your mailbox is ugly. Change it with a better one. xxx

related: #mailboxproblems

extra credit: uglymailbox.com: cool & crazy mailboxes 

→ 48 CommentsFILED UNDER: there goes the neighborhood · unsolicited feedback


Last time I checked, my mother didn’t work here

October 7th, 2014 · 62 comments

“My husband and I eloped in Maui last week because we thought it’d be more fun that way,” says Sarah in Seattle.At least one of her husband’s coworkers — apparently — took this as a snub. (But, you know, in a “Hahahahaha, JUST KIDDING!” clenched-teeth sort of way.)

Congrats to Paul!!! (Apparently)
related: Aaand…the honeymoon’s over.

→ 62 CommentsFILED UNDER: love & marriage · office


They take their white carpet very seriously.

September 29th, 2014 · 35 comments

Alice in Columbus, Ohio noticed this note taped to the door of a neighboring apartment. “I guess the tenants must have taken over a place that had formerly housed drug dealers and they were fed up with people coming by looking for drugs,” she says. “The note begins amiably enough — ‘Take shoes off at door’ — then takes quite a turn with its devastating conclusion.

Take shoes off at door. We don't sell drugs. Don't look in the window. ***You will be shot.***
related: This not a brothel!

→ 35 CommentsFILED UNDER: Columbus · drugs · not-so-veiled threats · Oops?


This used to be a pretty doormat.

September 26th, 2014 · 25 comments

Out submitter in Chicago notes that, remarkably enough, within a day or so of this note being posted (or rather, secured with packing tape to the floor), the oh-so-pretty doormat magically reappeared!

This used to be a pretty doormat until some dumb fuckin' asshole took it

(I’d like to imagine that this was the stolen doormat in question.)

THE NEIGHBORS HAVE BETTER STUFF

related: Wrath mat

extra credit: How to keep a doormat from being stolen [metafilter.com]

→ 25 CommentsFILED UNDER: Chicago · neighbors · stealing


Don’t leave a kitchen sucker punch

September 24th, 2014 · 29 comments

Suzanne’s office in Chicago is filled with lots of so-called “creatives” — you know, the types who are too busy working on BIG IDEAS to deal with the banalities of, say, dirty dishes. Finally, someone decided it would take a real heavyweight to draw some attention to the problem.

Hi! I'm George Foreman.

related: Right/wrong justified

→ 29 CommentsFILED UNDER: Chicago · kitchen · office


You dirty rat, you killed my childhood

September 21st, 2014 · 92 comments

Sue in Northbrook, Illinois says that some 10 months after tricking her 6-year-old daughter with Jimmy Kimmel’s “I told my kids I ate all their Halloween candy” challenge, little Mia remembered the prank and, with a renewed sense of outrage, stormed off to express her anger in note form.

Mia’s mom notes that she’s normally referred to as “Mommy” by her daughter (and by her friends as “Sue”), so she knew she was in trouble when she saw this missive addressed to “Susan.”

Cupcakes are sweet like Mia. The ground is dirty like Susan. Why did you play the jolk [sic]

related: The Parent Tax

→ 92 CommentsFILED UNDER: candy · Chicago · Halloween · kids · Mother-daughter notes


Hide Green Tomatoes!

September 18th, 2014 · 43 comments

Emma in Canada spotted this very un-Canadian note today in her neighborhood.

Some asshole ate my ripe tomato - so now I have to eat my tomatoes not ripe to keep the their [sic] from enjoying months of watering + work. Don't steal any more JERK

Meanwhile, Christa in North Carolina apparently takes her ripe tomatoes quite seriously, too.

Steal from our garden again & I'll cut your fucking head off. K thanks bye! XOXO Christa

related: Attack of the tomato killers!

→ 43 CommentsFILED UNDER: flowers, trees, houseplants & gardens · stealing · xoxo


What if God were a cyclist?

September 15th, 2014 · 26 comments

Glen found this magnificent notice attached to a lamppost on 4th & Jackson in San Jose.

Stolen!!! You stole my bike! Yeah you did. You came up and grabbed it and knew exactly where it was so I know your (sic) around this 'hood! Seen me riding it before too huh!?! Just wait till (sic) I see YOU riding it! I'll call the cops real quick homie! Oh wait, you sold it? Not likely, it didn't ride very well and the parts were hella old. Doubt anyone wants it anyway, probably won't get you that much. So just bring it back and I'll give you some recyclables. Turn to doing good or face the wrath of GOD!!!

related: I hope you step on a Lego!

→ 26 CommentsFILED UNDER: bicycle · God · San Jose · spelling and grammar police