Don’t leave a kitchen sucker punch

September 24th, 2014 · 27 comments

Suzanne’s office in Chicago is filled with lots of so-called “creatives” — you know, the types who are too busy working on BIG IDEAS to deal with the banalities of, say, dirty dishes. Finally, someone decided it would take a real heavyweight to draw some attention to the problem.

Hi! I'm George Foreman.

related: Right/wrong justified

→ 27 CommentsFILED UNDER: Chicago · kitchen · office


You dirty rat, you killed my childhood

September 21st, 2014 · 92 comments

Sue in Northbrook, Illinois says that some 10 months after tricking her 6-year-old daughter with Jimmy Kimmel’s “I told my kids I ate all their Halloween candy” challenge, little Mia remembered the prank and, with a renewed sense of outrage, stormed off to express her anger in note form.

Mia’s mom notes that she’s normally referred to as “Mommy” by her daughter (and by her friends as “Sue”), so she knew she was in trouble when she saw this missive addressed to “Susan.”

Cupcakes are sweet like Mia. The ground is dirty like Susan. Why did you play the jolk [sic]

related: The Parent Tax

→ 92 CommentsFILED UNDER: candy · Chicago · Halloween · kids · Mother-daughter notes


Hide Green Tomatoes!

September 18th, 2014 · 43 comments

Emma in Canada spotted this very un-Canadian note today in her neighborhood.

Some asshole ate my ripe tomato - so now I have to eat my tomatoes not ripe to keep the their [sic] from enjoying months of watering + work. Don't steal any more JERK

Meanwhile, Christa in North Carolina apparently takes her ripe tomatoes quite seriously, too.

Steal from our garden again & I'll cut your fucking head off. K thanks bye! XOXO Christa

related: Attack of the tomato killers!

→ 43 CommentsFILED UNDER: flowers, trees, houseplants & gardens · stealing · xoxo


What if God were a cyclist?

September 15th, 2014 · 26 comments

Glen found this magnificent notice attached to a lamppost on 4th & Jackson in San Jose.

Stolen!!! You stole my bike! Yeah you did. You came up and grabbed it and knew exactly where it was so I know your (sic) around this 'hood! Seen me riding it before too huh!?! Just wait till (sic) I see YOU riding it! I'll call the cops real quick homie! Oh wait, you sold it? Not likely, it didn't ride very well and the parts were hella old. Doubt anyone wants it anyway, probably won't get you that much. So just bring it back and I'll give you some recyclables. Turn to doing good or face the wrath of GOD!!!

related: I hope you step on a Lego!

→ 26 CommentsFILED UNDER: bicycle · God · San Jose · spelling and grammar police


But…but…I’m late for bingo!

September 11th, 2014 · 41 comments

Zee spotted this warning in the basement parking garage of her small senior citizens‘ building in Indiana, where, she says, “a few of the residents prefer posting anonymous notes to dealing with their issues directly.”

*PLEASE* SLOW DOWN SPEED IS 10 MPH NEXT TIME I WILL PUBLISH YOUR NAME AND YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!!

…and other residents, not so much.

If you know their name, why not talk to them directly - or to the board - instead of leaving a passive-aggressive note?

related: That means you, young man in the blue Subaru!!

→ 41 CommentsFILED UNDER: driving · Indiana · old folks · rebuttals · you know who you are


A warning from the diet police

September 8th, 2014 · 92 comments

Abby spotted this dubious bit of dietary advice at her local supermarket in Catonsville, Maryland.

1 egg has more cholesterol than Big Mac. Try a fruit salad.

Adds Abby: “Maybe whoever wrote this should spend all the free time they have (obviously a lot) researching the nutritional value of eggs (protein) vs. fruit (carbs).”

related: The anti-milk militia

→ 92 CommentsFILED UNDER: food · Maryland · unsolicited feedback


Fashion tip: deodorant doesn’t go out of style after Labor Day

September 1st, 2014 · 49 comments

Scott in Cincinnati says this is merely the latest notice he’s seen posted at his father-in-law’s cab company.

Notice; It has come to my attention that some of us aren't using deodorant. We all need to use deodorant. Also, no more tank tops or sleeveless shirts. this only brings out the B.O.

related: I’m detecting a foul odor coming from your general direction.

→ 49 CommentsFILED UNDER: Cincinnati · hygiene · odor


Discover nature at a National Park!

August 27th, 2014 · 69 comments

By day: bears. By night: bird & bees. Gee, you’re right, Glacier National Park does sound like a pretty educational experience. (You’re welcome, notewriter!)

Dear neighbors, When taking our children to such a breathtaking park, we hoped they would learn a lot. We had no idea they could learn so much at the hotel too. Last night, for example, they learned that headboard pounding, drunken sex might annoy neighbors in six rooms, but at least it will only last three minutes. 10:38 to 10:41 to be exact. The early morning vomiting was the best lesson of all. Cheers!

related: Cross-country elevator action

→ 69 CommentsFILED UNDER: hotels · kids · noise · sex sex sex


Out: pink flamingos. In: headstones?

August 25th, 2014 · 70 comments

So…what is it about the Minnesota suburbs that makes the idea of killing someone’s pet the height of hilarity?

Here lies the last dog that shit in my yard

Here lies the last dog that pooped in my yard.

At least in Seattle they try to be a bit poetic about it.

Here lies cold and hard the last damn dog that shit in my yard

(Thanks to Scott, Karen, and Sarah for submitting!)

related: You forgot something!

 

→ 70 CommentsFILED UNDER: dogs · neighbors · shit


Blowing smoke

August 21st, 2014 · 40 comments

Cheeky, eh?

Unfortunately during meal service the balcony is a non-smoking area. We apologise for your slightly extended lifespan.

related: Don’t be an ash-hole

→ 40 CommentsFILED UNDER: Australia · smoking