On the naughty list

December 19th, 2014 · 50 comments

Our submitter in Townsville, Australia says that Christmas decorating season is in full swing.Unfortunately, all those strings of lights have set off a string of front-yard vandalism as well. And in Townsville, people take their Christmas lights seriously

In the spirit of the season, one disgruntled resident has added this sign to his decor. “I’m not sure how the choice profanity will go down with hundreds of cars full of children passing by every night,” she writes.  (Please note that our submitter has pre-censored the profanity from the photo, in deference to our readers’ delicate sensibilities.)

To the mongrel who stole all my solar candy canes and broke my fairy lights - I hope you're happy with yourself. Wishing you a big Merry Fuck you!!

Meanwhile, in Michigan, I think this local news headline says it all:
Beheaded Mickey Mouse Christmas decoration leaves Davison resident upset, children scared

Well, in any case, it says considerably more than the accompanying photo of this terrifying scene:

My favorite quote from the article:

“She was able to sew Mickey back together and use some Gorilla tape to patch up the gingerbread man, but some of her children’s innocence has been lost.”

related: Decor-nappings of Christmases past

extra credit: Queenslander risks death for killer Christmas light display”  [abc news brisbane]

→ 50 CommentsFILED UNDER: Australia · Christmas · holiday spirit · stealing · the F word · Won't somebody think of the children?


Citation: Copier Abuse

December 15th, 2014 · 24 comments

Alice in Fresno says that since this sign went up, she’s made a point of greeting the copier every time she passes it. The coworker who wrote it was apparently tired of hearing people cursing out the (stupid!) machine when it screws up (all the damn time!).

PLEASE REFRAIN FROM TALKING TO, OR ABOUT, THE COPIER.

related: The printer doesn’t appreciate your tone.

→ 24 CommentsFILED UNDER: anthropomorphism · Fresno · office · the printer


The gorilla in the window

December 10th, 2014 · 43 comments

A reader in Canberra, Australia passed along this article about an English granny up in arms about her right to display a knitted toy gorilla in her window.

To whom it may concern Are you the person that made a complaint to the police about the knitted toy gorilla in our window Well why did you not knock on our door and tell us face to face what your concerns were about this toy. These toys usually bring a smile to most people's faces especially kiddies. I am so looking forwards to seeing your face but it's not going to happen IS IT?
Says the article:

Anne Feast, 70, knitted ‘Cilla the Gorilla’ last year and the toy has been hanging in the window at her home in Bell Holt, Ely, alongside numerous other characters she has created, ever since.

But mother and grandmother-of-two Anne, who has lived in her home with her husband, Philip, 71, for around 14 years, was asked by police to remove the gorilla after it was reported by a passer-by.

The couple don’t know exactly why Cilla caused offence, but they suspect it is either because someone thought it was racist or the way that the ape hangs down.

Yes…the way the ape hangs downOh, and here’s a transcription of that note:

TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN Are you the person that made a complaint to the police about the knitted toy gorilla in our window Well why did you not knock on our door and tell us face to face what your concerns were about this toy. These toys usually bring a smile to most people’s faces especially kiddies. I am so looking forwards to seeing your face but it’s not going to happen IS IT?????

Adds our submitter: “I love the fact that on top of the note she makes sure the message reaches its target by calling the local newspaper for coverage.”

related: A day in the life of a crank

extra credit: The meme that wasn’t!

→ 43 CommentsFILED UNDER: a matter of taste · newspaper · old folks · the po-po · U.K.


In order of increasing importance…

December 4th, 2014 · 41 comments

Our submitter says she spotted this request during a walk around her neighborhood in Oakland, California.

Do Not Feed the Squirrels 1. They may carry Bubonic Plague 2. You're making them dependent on humans 3. They bury your peanuts in my garden

related: How not to solve your stray cat problem

→ 41 CommentsFILED UNDER: neighbors · that's unsanitary


In case of emergency, call…

November 28th, 2014 · 39 comments

Laura in Victoria noticed this unofficially annotated official notice while studying late one night at the UVic Campus. Says Laura: “Given that it’s posted in a building crammed with tired university students, the original notewriter probably have been able to predict what would happen next.”

And exercise some maturity by not writing "Batman" or "Ghostbusters" or any other alternate to the emergency organizations provided. Thank you.

And what happened next was…BUTTS.

And exercise some maturity by not writing "Batman" or "Ghostbusters" or any other alternate to the emergency organizations provided. Thank you. [BUTTS]

related: This is not a bulletin board.

→ 39 CommentsFILED UNDER: Canada · college life · smartass


Is this a tanning booth or a barnyard stall?

November 20th, 2014 · 50 comments

Writes Joanna in Pennsylvania: “Following (apparently) more than one incident in which a customer relieved themselves in the stand-up tanning booths in my town, this signage was posted in every tanning booth. Because, ya know, people need to be reminded to not just randomly crap themselves every time they get naked.”

A $250 booth cleaning and repair fee will be charged to your account if you have an "accident" while tanning. Please use restroom prior to beginning your tanning session

Adds Joanna: ” Yes, I asked an employee and the incidents in question involved #2!” If it makes you feel any better, Joanna, it turns out your problem is far from unique to south central PA.

 

related: On preparing a hide for tanning

→ 50 CommentsFILED UNDER: Pennsylvania · shit · that's unsanitary


So that’s what they mean by “makes mouths happy”

November 16th, 2014 · 32 comments

Karen in Council Bluffs, Iowa spotted this unsigned note taped to the vending machine in the office breakroom. It sounds like somebody certainly got their 75 cents worth, no?

with regard to the twizzlers nibs...I opened the package and gnawed on the first three I put in my mouth and, as expected, they were chewy. But there was more. There was this strangle tingly sensation in my mouth that I have never quite encountered before. That wasn't so bad though as it was countered by the euphoric high with brilliant colors swirling about. Unfortunately, the comedown was bad.

related: Raging against the (vending) machine

→ 32 CommentsFILED UNDER: candy · Iowa · office · vending machine drama


High Street high jinks

November 9th, 2014 · 32 comments

Writes our submitter from London: “I can only imagine the local politics that brought about this pre-Christmas gem of a note in the historic town if Lewes, England.” Any Lewes locals out there who could shed some light on this light-box snub?

We were not asked to join in the high street archive display (despite being the most photographed building!) so instead of a light box we have a cardboard box! enjoy!!

related: Fish fingers and custard then, yeah?

→ 32 CommentsFILED UNDER: retail hell · U.K.


This kind of attitude is what’s really scary.

November 4th, 2014 · 154 comments

Writes Derek from Ohio: “I found this on an anthropological blog I follow and thought it would fit great on your site.” I agree, Derek, I agree!

Due to the fact that people truck their kids in from other neighborhoods by the dozens, this house will no longer be handing out candy.   Thank you for ruining halloween for us and the children who ACTUALLY LIVE HERE.   Thanks for understanding.   Now, GO AWAY!

related: No candy go away!

extra credit: Do I have to give candy to poor kids? [slate.com]

→ 154 CommentsFILED UNDER: casual sexism · Halloween


Neighbors too loud? The Police can handle it.

October 27th, 2014 · 65 comments

This one speaks for itself, no?

Every breath you take Every move you make Every bond you break Every step you take Is really audible through the floor. xo

(Thanks to our submitter, Bonnie in Edinburgh.)

related: A review of last night’s performance

→ 65 CommentsFILED UNDER: neighbors · noise