Don’t #!%*@ over spilled oil

May 26th, 2013 · 59 comments

Kyle in Sydney, Australia says this sign was posted near the elevator in the basement of his building, where apparently someone had spilled some cooking oil on the floor. Based on this note, I’m still a little unsure about how the person who cleaned up the mess felt about the whole situation.

Whoever spilled cooking oil on this floor, you are mother fucking asshole mother fucker. You don't even know what the fuck to do with your responsibility and it tells me why you are living at the bottom of our society idiot. I clean this shit for everyone not because of you little cunt. One more thing, you are fucking ass hole. Go fuck yourself with your shit face. Why are you breathing fucking son of bitch?

related: Seven words you CAN say on a box of leftover takeout

→ 59 CommentsFILED UNDER: cleaning · fuck fuckity fuck fuck · more aggressive than passive · Sydney


Baby Teeth, $10 OBO

May 23rd, 2013 · 65 comments

“No, she didn’t lose three teeth in one day,” says Jenny in Texas, regarding her 7-year-old daughter, Zelda. “She was just hoping to graduate from $1 per tooth to $10 based on experience. (But she’s totally negotiable if that’s not cool with you, Tooth Fairy.)”

Dear Tooth Fairy, I have lost 3 baby teeth. Can I have 10 1 dollar bills, please. Love, Zelda! P.S. I am negotiable

related: Possibly the Best Tooth Fairy letter of all time

→ 65 CommentsFILED UNDER: kids · money


Happily ever after

May 22nd, 2013 · 51 comments

Loree in Texas found this crumpled Post-it note in her front yard. “Why the husband threw this gem away boggles the mind, but I am so glad it ended up where it did.”

Passed out twice in one week. Wow. At least you're not in underwear and socks this time —Your Proud Wife

related: Haterade on the rocks, with a twist

→ 51 CommentsFILED UNDER: drizzunk · love & marriage · Texas


Hey, Dumbo

May 21st, 2013 · 53 comments

As it turns out, a surprisingly large number of American apartment buildings are pachyderm-friendly. (It’s the owners that are the problem, of course.)

Shh! Please walk your elephant quietly!

Dear neighbor, Do you look like this? If not then please stop jumping around. Sincerely, Person Below You

Please clean up after your elephant!

Dear Beach Girl, The elephant you're training keeps sitting on my Jetta. Also, your nunchuck stance is distracting passing motorists. Regards, Wilson

related: How now, Mad Cow?

→ 53 CommentsFILED UNDER: neighbors · noise · shit


For heaven’s sake, Steve

May 20th, 2013 · 27 comments

Spotted by Leonora in the window of a London office:

STOP SPITTING ON THE WINDOWS STEVE

related: Do not kiss on someone else’s kiss — and absolutely NO LICKING

→ 27 CommentsFILED UNDER: London · spitting


Presenting the new Mercedes-Benz No-Class

May 16th, 2013 · 84 comments

Writes our submitter in Brisbane, Australia: “It wasn’t me that reported the rich guy to the council, but it sure gave me a few laughs.”

To whom it may concern, Thank you so much for having my car booked today. You must have nothing better to do than make petty complaints to council. Never mind it is only $100, I make that much in half an hour every day. You must not be a very good driver if you were not able to get out of your driveway that had about 3 meters of room still available. I could have easily driven in and out of there without any issue with the huge amount of space left. Perhaps you should re-sit your driving exams again? I think you are jealous I have a new Mercedes-Benz and you don't? You do not seem to be very well educated in that you can not even spell inconsiderate. Kind regards, A Mercedes-Benz Driver

related: I know, all black sedans look the same

extra credit: This Is Why People Think Mercedes-Benz Drivers Are Asshats [jalopnik.com]

→ 84 CommentsFILED UNDER: Australia · car · money · parking · thanks (but not really)


Tacky, you say?

May 15th, 2013 · 35 comments

Explains our submitter in Chicago: “Colleague A left the following note — an attempt to enforce an ambigious personal space decoration policy via shame — on Colleague B’s Eiffel Tower clip. (Note: Colleague A has no official authority over Colleague B.) I find the phrasing both poetic and hilarious.”

THIS EIFFEL TOWER IS TACKY. DON'T PUT IT ON TOP.

related: Do not lean on my pod!!!

→ 35 CommentsFILED UNDER: a matter of taste · Chicago · office · office cop


Keeping Portland Weird

May 14th, 2013 · 52 comments

Our submitter has been couchsurfing his way through the living rooms of strangers across the country, and recently made a stop in Portland, Oregon. One morning, after leaving his dirty clothes in a pile near the rest of his stuff, he returned later to find…a surprise.

Adds our submitter: “Everyone in Portland seems to do things like this. All. The. Time.”

I wasn't sure if it would be weird of me to wash your underwear, so I folded them too — just to make sure.

related: Put a bird on it! 

→ 52 CommentsFILED UNDER: laundry · most popular notes of 2013 · not so much passive-aggressive · Portland · questionable logic · WTF?


Conditional love: A Mother’s Day postscript

May 13th, 2013 · 11 comments

The front:

To mom, I love you! Look on Back

Aaaand the back:

I won't love you if you make me clean my room.

(Thanks to Jada in Knoxville, Tennessee for submitting!)

related: A Mother’s Day Report Card

→ 11 CommentsFILED UNDER: kids · Mother's Day · Mother-daughter notes


Communal kitchen canoodling

May 9th, 2013 · 51 comments

Our submitter in Canada, who lives in a rooming house with a shared kitchen, laughed pretty hard upon finding this note. “It’s just so specific. So very specific.”

When you drop noodles, pick them up - I don't like the way they feel on my FEET!

“P.S.,” our submitter adds: “I didn’t drop the noodles.”

related: Well, someone’s feeling a little chippy…

→ 51 CommentsFILED UNDER: food · roommates · WTF?