Get Rich or Die Tryin’

March 14th, 2013 · 49 comments

Ashley spotted this notice in the community room at her grandma’s senior living community in Minnesota. Says Ashley: “Apparently acting like a grown up is still hard when you’re over 80.”

Concerning Bingo Days: Many of you have come into my office complaining about each other from people yelling or giving orders or how many cards you should be able to have or coming in late! I will address the yelling and being disrespectful first. Everyone here is adults. There should be no reason why you can't be respectful to each other. Please try and refrain from opening your mouth and making it miserable for the people that are down here playing for fun and enjoyment! Next how many cards can I have? Well that's easy too. You can have as many that you can handle without infringing on your fellow players. So that means if you can't keep up and have to keep asking them to repeat the number then guess what? you have too many cards. Or if you take too many that there are not enough for everyone than guess what? You have too many cards. And third but not least please respect your fellow players and try to be down stairs and in your seat by 1:30. Remember Bingo is fun not to try and get rich or cut throat your neighbor. It's to get out of your apartment and see your neighbor and visit and enjoy the game. Enough said! Try acting like grown ups and set an example for each other. Thank you. Manager

related: The Rules for Strip Bingo

→ 49 CommentsFILED UNDER: Minnesota · most popular notes of 2013 · old folks · spelling and grammar police · that's disrespectful


Anarchy in the Pre-K

March 13th, 2013 · 101 comments

Our submitter in Washington, D.C. says that a parent recently sent this e-mail to her daughter’s preschool teacher…and cc’d it to the parents of every kid in the class. “Clearly, she thinks her kids are getting screwed out of their God-given right to show-and-tell,” our submitter marvels. “I wouldn’t want to mess with this woman come college application time!”

I have a question about show & tell. How many items are the children supposed to bring? It was always my understanding that each child brought one thing to

related: Pre-K parent public shaming

→ 101 CommentsFILED UNDER: D.C. · Moms & Dads · schools & teachers


Your cleanliness offends me!

March 12th, 2013 · 84 comments

“When my downstairs neighbour first moved in, I thought we would be friends,” says our submitter in Montreal. “We go to the same school, we’re around the same age, and we both love pets. (I have a cat and a dog, she has four cats.)” And yes, she says, “Every day — after 10 a.m., before 8 p.m. — I vacuum my house. She can have fun with all her cat-hair dust bunnies — I’ll stick to my cleaning schedule, thanks!”

It is absolutely necessary for you to vacuum every fucking day!!!! Seriously are you such a filthy dirtbag that you make such a mess every day??? I've been listening to you vacuum for months. GIVE IT A REST! HAVE SOME COMMON DECENCY FOR YOUR NEIGHBOURS!!!

Like our submitter in Montreal, I’ll admit that, as the owner of a dog who sheds quite a bit, I also vacuum pretty much every day. So if that makes me a “FILTHY DIRTBAG,” I guess I prefer that to becoming like “Dirty Lady #2.

related: I’m dirty and I love it

→ 84 CommentsFILED UNDER: bold-underlined-caps · cleaning · Montreal · noise


Well, that was a missed opportunity.

March 11th, 2013 · 18 comments

Forget Tupperware parties — who could resist a Nasty Crap Container™?

This refrigerator will be cleaned out on Friday March 8th Please take the time to remove your items prior to the 8th. I will have an ice chest to put your lunch bags in. On Monday March 11th I will have a food container sale. Please visit my web page www.nastycrapcontainers.com

related: Don’t be such a miserable sod

extra credit: Fred and Friends “Bug Bags” Lunch Bags

→ 18 CommentsFILED UNDER: office fridge · Seattle


Hashtag: stripper problems?

March 10th, 2013 · 34 comments

Turns out there is something you can catch from a public toilet seat: orange. (As spotted by Sharna in the ladies’ room of a Sydney strip club…)

Attention ladies!!! If you choose to wear fake tan please clean it off the toilet seat when you are finished!! Those of us who don't wear it do not want to wear yours! The sanitary bins are provided for you to put your used items in the bin not on top!!! Please keep it clean ladies!!!! Thank you :)

related: Can you a spare a square?

extra credit: Can you catch germs from a public toilet seat? [everydayhealth.com]

→ 34 CommentsFILED UNDER: Sydney · toilet


Shut the front door!

March 7th, 2013 · 57 comments

There’s the New York approach:

Join the Quiet Club!

And then there’s the Chicago approach:

Door Slammers Anonymous  A support group for people who like to slam the back door.  Don't feel like you are alone in this world.  There are other people just like you, who like to slam the back door.  Meetings are every monday night in the basement at 8:00pm.  Coffee and donuts provided.

related: Carnivore? Keep being awesome!

→ 57 CommentsFILED UNDER: door-slamming · neighbors


You’ve (still) got mail!

March 6th, 2013 · 55 comments

We’ve received another report from our Back Bay informant, and it seems the stalemate with the tenant in 2D continues!

2d: The extreme pressure on the glue on the postal envelopes & fliers in your densely packed mailbox has reached .017421 isobars, which, in a few days, if not relieved by EMPTYING the box, will result in a horrible BRACKRAKATOA explosion here in the Bay, enough so that even the legions of beggars on Boylston  & Dartmouth streets will have to evacuate, so please empty the box. Thank you. Sincerely, Stephen Hawing. United States Postal Scientist, USPS. P.S. and If you could empty the box every month or so it would be appreciated.

related: You’ve got mail!

→ 55 CommentsFILED UNDER: Boston · going postal · public shaming · smartass


Why do you ruin each day of my life?

March 5th, 2013 · 48 comments

Belinda in Tennessee says her six-year-old daughter wrote this note “after I refused to let her try to glue a bouncy ball back onto the elastic of the paddle toy it had broken off of.”

Mom (sigh) I really love you but why do you ruin each day of my life. I'll be on the front porch if you want to talk with me.

Translation (for those who don’t speak six-year-old):
Mom (sigh) I really love you but why do you ruin each day of my life. I’ll be on the front porch if you want to talk with me.

Meanwhile, redditor thinkboxutah’s 7-year-old son put this together after getting grounded.

I hate my life

related: Just…poop.

→ 48 CommentsFILED UNDER: kids · most popular notes of 2013 · Mother-daughter notes · Tennessee


Happy Moving!

March 4th, 2013 · 167 comments

Writes Chelsa in Canada: “My first night moving in, I couldn’t find the bolts to put my bed frame back together, so I had to unpack some boxes and it was about 10 p.m. before I found them and could set up my bed. Moving sucks, right? Apparently at 10 p.m. on Saturday night, screwing in 8 bolts is THE WORST thing a person can do. This note was on my door in the morning.”

Good Morning! We noticed that you moved in last night. Welcome to the building! We also noticed that you are very handy with power tools; you like to build furniture and drag it and other things across hardwood floors. All we ask is that you could please refrain from doing these things after dark. Unfortunately for everyone this building is not in the least soundproof. We are also hoping that it's not too much to ask for you to not wear shoes across the hardwood floors; it's much louder for us than it is for you. We know we may be loud from time to time, but we will always try to be respectful of our neighbours. All we ask if for the same in return. Happy Moving :)

 

related: The Neighborhood Warning Wagon

→ 167 CommentsFILED UNDER: Canada · neighbors · noise · smiley


Señor Tapatío gets told.

March 3rd, 2013 · 47 comments

Writes Randahl in Boise, Idaho: “I love me some Tapatío, and sometimes I forget to put it back in the fridge. My wife thought Mr. Tapatío should know his place.”

Mr. Tapatío

Dear Mr Tapatio, I hate your face. No matter how many times I put you back in the fridge you always reappear on the counter, kitchen table, dining table. You sir, are the herpes of my life. <3 Nicole XXOO

related: Eat it; love it. Got it?

→ 47 CommentsFILED UNDER: fridge · heart · Idaho · love & marriage · xoxo