The female of the species

February 13th, 2013 · 31 comments

All alone this Valentine’s Day? Well…more Cheetos for you!

Dear Brodie, If you forget to put an elastic band or bag clip on the crackers again, I will strangle you in your sleep. Love, Kelsey xoxo

 

Dear sweet sweet AJ, Drink all of my Sprite again and I'll rip your f*cking head off. xoxo, E

(Thanks to Brodie in Nova Scotia and redditor ajbollom. May they rest in peace.)

related: That’s just [sic]

→ 31 CommentsFILED UNDER: heart · not-so-veiled threats · signed with love · xoxo


You’re a wiseass, Harry.

February 12th, 2013 · 69 comments

It turns out Harry Potter had more than a little in common with his jerk of a father. (And yes, James Potter was a jerk — Yahoo! Answers says so!)

Dear Hagrid, I understand you're half giant, but could you try to be a little more light footed? P.S. If you're not Hagrid, stop fucking stomping around, it's pissing me off. Sincerely, Harry Potter, apartment under the stairs

Meanwhile, on Diagon Alley…

Notice from The Green Witch Re discount...Please do not embarrass my staff by asking for discount. If the prices could be lower, they would be. Therapists who shop regularly and consistently at the shop may receive a discount on their products that are relevant to their business but not on any other goods. Any discount given is purely at the discretion of myself and is a priveledge [sic], not a right. Demanding discount simply angers both me and Maggie — after all, do you ask Tesco for discount because you shop there every week...I think not. Thank you, The Green Witch

related: Do these stilettos match my broomstick?

extra credit: How P-A Harry Potter fans deal with junk mail

extra extra credit: We Are Wizards [hulu.com]

→ 69 CommentsFILED UNDER: neighbors · noise · p.s.


No Soup for You!

February 11th, 2013 · 79 comments

Writes Jonathan in the UK: “Nick, bless him, diligently cleans the office microwave when he’s at work every Sunday morning. By Monday, the smell of bleach has usually gone. However, I think the latest soup splattering may have pushed him over the edge.”

I spent a fair few minutes making this oven clean on Sunday and in 24 hours it is again covered in soup -  Firstly drinking soup is the act of a fool as its salt content will contribute to high blood pressure but leaving an oven in this state is plain unpleasant -  It means that those of us that that (sic) have basic hygiene standards now can not use the microwave oven unless we clean it after you use it.  Please if you had soup on Monday can you consider your actions and what you have left for others.  NP

related: If you thought your microwave was dirty…

→ 79 CommentsFILED UNDER: food · microwave · office · U.K.


A politician in the making

February 7th, 2013 · 27 comments

Writes our submitter: “My fourth-grade son had to fill out an application for a classroom job at school. His first choice was ‘Cubby Monitor.’ (The cubby is where the student place their coats and book bags during the school day.) Apparently, the young lady that currently does the job is apparently not living up to his expectations!”

Write a paragraph explaining why I should hire you for this job.  You should hire me for this job becauce, once the cubby monitor missed some stuff in the cubby and I was so mad I told the job Maneger. Unlike her, I will tell the the people to bring there stuf home. Also, if I catch anyone steeling anything I will turn them in right away. I think I'm perfect for this job.

related: The Parent Tax

→ 27 CommentsFILED UNDER: kids


A Warning Chime

February 6th, 2013 · 118 comments

Adriana in Playa Del Rey, California said her husband found this note from a non-wind chime enthusiast taped to their outside of their condo building. “I personally love all the exclamation points,” Adriana says — “especially the cheery ‘thanks!’ at the bottom.”

CHIMES. Third Floor Front Over the Garage. People have lived here 10-20 years but now have to hear your chimes all day and night! Take them down or we will get a class action lawsuit against you and the Homeowners association! We can't stand it anymore! Have consideration or we will see you in court and get a court order! Thanks!

related: Hello, 911? My neighbors are loud walkers!

→ 118 CommentsFILED UNDER: California · neighbors · noise · not-so-veiled threats


Mother-In-Law-In-Training

February 5th, 2013 · 173 comments

Sara from Austin writes: “I took my 2-year-old to visit my darling (but travel-phobic) father-in-law. I’ve stayed at his house many times, but not since his girlfriend began living there. He told me to make myself at home and use anything we needed, specifically pointing to the linen closet. There was one bath towel and one washcloth hanging in the bathroom (for us to share?) so I helped myself to more.”

The next day, Sara says, “two brand-new (unwashed) towels were hanging in the bathroom and this note was taped inside the linen closet. The towels I had used the day before were all washed, folded and back in the closet behind the note. That night, we moved to my sister-in-law’s house.”

Please don't get anything without our permission. We have certain towels for our visitor & certain towels for us (which we don't want our visitors to use)  Thank you!

Please don't get anything without our permission.  We have certain towels for our visitor & certain towels for us (which we don't want our visitors to use)  Thank you!

related: These towels are for decoration only!

→ 173 CommentsFILED UNDER: a little uptight · family · most popular notes of 2013


The Message on the Milk Carton

February 4th, 2013 · 71 comments

Explains Johnny in Alabama: “My friend Lauren left this for my brother Jared when she let him stay at her house for a few weeks. Every day she would come home and have a glass of milk and iced coffee. One day, she discovered that Jared had emptied the milk once already and had replaced it with milk from the gas station. It wasn’t the ‘weird expensive milk that she buys,’ and to make matters worse, he hadn’t checked the expiration date. The second time it happened he accidentally put the empty carton back in the fridge and came home later to find this note” — complete with a ‘hidden’ message.

Friday I walked into the house after a long day at work. It had been a great day  until I entered the kitchen, at which point I found that the milk was gone. Who  could have done this? I had just bought that milk yesterday! When I left it in the  kitchen I'd even written my name on it. You were the only person in the house, sir. I know it was you that left me to drink  orange juice. I am not mad, just disappointed. Fortunately for you, I am a kind and  understanding friend, and I only ask that you replace what you've taken.  BUY MORE MILK AND IT BETTER BE ORGANIC NOT THAT SHIT YOU GOT AT THE GAS STATION LAST TIME.

related: The Boy Who Drank All The Milk

→ 71 CommentsFILED UNDER: Alabama · milk · most popular notes of 2013


Please, no, anything but emo!

January 31st, 2013 · 21 comments

Emmet in Phoenix says that at his office, “people donate magazines for others to peruse, but sometimes they grow legs and disappear.” Emmet recently found this (totally metal) back-and-forth about the issue…on the issues themselves.

This is a gift to the wellness retreat room. If you steal this magazine ~ like you did last time - may your gear get stolen or destroyed by a fire or worse yet: used on an emo record.

This is a gift to the wellness retreat room. If you steal this magazine ~ like you did last time - may your gear get stolen or destroyed by a fire or worse yet: used on an emo record.

I only borrowed it to finish the Metallica interview. Please don't steal my gear and sell it to an emo band.

I only borrowed it to finish the Metallica interview. Please don't steal my gear and sell it to an emo band.

related: The Hot Topic at this Year’s Warped Tour

extra credit: These Babies Are Totally Metal [youtube]

→ 21 CommentsFILED UNDER: "accidental" "borrowing" · band · music · not-so-veiled threats · office · Phoenix


A formal declaration of the “Man Rules”

January 30th, 2013 · 136 comments

“Frankly, I find this a little bit ridiculous,” says our submitter in Ohio, “but then again, I’m not a man.”

I feel the need to post this note due to the continuous breeching of what I call common sense of

related: Urinal Games

→ 136 CommentsFILED UNDER: Cincinnati · etiquette · most popular notes of 2013 · spelling and grammar police · toilet


A call for ceasefire in the Post-it Note Wars

January 29th, 2013 · 35 comments

Could one final Sticky-Note Bomb be enough to put an end to months of guerilla-style passive-aggression?

Next time you have a problem with me skip the Post-it and fucking ask. Thank you. We will not have this prob again.

related: The Post-It Wars

→ 35 CommentsFILED UNDER: blitzkrieg approach · North Carolina · roommates