Your Favorite Notes of 2012

December 30th, 2012 · 68 comments

Here it is: a look back at your favorite notes of 2012, from heartbroken kids to self-righteous vegans and everywhere in between. (Just click on any of the notes to see the original post, with context.)

But first — drumroll please — our two leading candidates vying for the title of 2012 douchecanoe of the year!

Deck you, neighbor.

Can't we all just get along? (Sigh)

Of course, you could also vote for a third party candidate. Which write-ins are missing from the race? Cast your votes in the comments!

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→ 68 CommentsFILED UNDER: most popular notes of 2012


Enjoy the holidays (without me)

December 27th, 2012 · 29 comments

While at his parents’ house in Indiana for Christmas, Jay says his mother passed this card around to everyone, saying, “Can you believe this?!” The awkward part: Terry (not that Terry) is their next-door neighbor.

Sorry we have lost touch- I guess I have to accept you not wanting to be friends anyomore. Enjoy the holidays-  Janet and Lee, Wishing you jolly holidays and a great new year! Have a wonderful season and all the best in the New Year.  -Terry

related: Happy Holidays! So glad we’re not together!

 

→ 29 CommentsFILED UNDER: Christmas · holiday spirit · Indiana · neighbors


Ice Box-ing

December 26th, 2012 · 45 comments

The most extreme case of ice hoarding I’ve seen comes to us from an office in Fort Washington, Pennsylvania:

I bring my ICE from home! Please don't TAKE IT. [Response]: You are very strange.

Personally, I think Nicolette’s “Aunt Anny” in California is onto something. (Assuming, of course, that people have the recipe.)

Make Ice Make More Ice Fucking Ice Bin (Keep it fucking full)

related: Four approaches to ice cube maintenance

→ 45 CommentsFILED UNDER: ice · office


This year’s round of holiday decor-nappings

December 22nd, 2012 · 26 comments

So far this  year, we’ve gotten no missing Baby Jesus reports. (Yet.) However, it looks like it’s still hard out there for a giant candy cane.

Just ask Anderson in Huntsville, Alabama:

Mommy Deer wants her babies back!

Gina in New Philadelphia, Ohio:

To the person who took my Christmas wreath...you can have the tree too! You must need it more than I do! Merry Christmas! Danny's Grill

The Bishop Family in Genoa, Nebraska:

This is for the 3 little PUNKS In the silver Chevy truck with 10 county Plates That stole our decorations THANKS!!! Our Grandkids REALLY appreciate it. MERRY CHRISTMAS! BY THE WAY YOU DROPPED THESE

or David in Florence, South Carolina:

To whoever stole (or is planning to steal) our Christmas lights

The missing strand of lights, as well as the ones remaining on our porch, were rubbed through each of our unkempt butt-cheeks during a game of

related: The circle of Hell Dante forget to mention

→ 26 CommentsFILED UNDER: Christmas · holiday spirit · stealing · vandalism


A rash of mysterious rashes

December 20th, 2012 · 33 comments

While walking down a quiet street in Leicester, England, Tom saw this “ANGRY CAPITALISED note” in the window of a house. “Amid so many unanswered questions,” Tom says, “one thing is for sure: Mike has a window and he ain’t afraid to use it.”

Carla and Hilary, I hope that your hideous rashes go away soon. It really sucks that Leah gave it to you. The symptoms sound repulsive! As for Liz, that thing on your...you know..well I hope that heals quickly as well. Kristy, congratulations on your clean bill of health! Mike

related: Desperately Seeking Closure

→ 33 CommentsFILED UNDER: public shaming · U.K. · WTF?


Is this a toilet?

December 19th, 2012 · 54 comments

Apparently, when is comes to judging the average person’s ability to correctly assess, “Should I urinate here?” you really can’t be too careful.

In the interest of health these toilets have been sealed. DO NOT USE!!!

Due to persons repeatedly urinating in the elevator, it has been turned off until further notice. If you have any information about the persons responsible, please contact Bill in Centennial 144. Your honesty will be appreciated and will lead to a speedy return of the elevator. Fun Fact: You and your roommate share a bathroom with your suitemates. In this bathroom there should be a toilet. If you are missing a toilet, please call the Fix-It Line at x4687

Health Notice Toilet Issues The Tanning Room is not a Restroom!  It is extremely dangerous for A Total Tan employees to clean up trash cans and under rugs that people have used instead of the public toilet. This will no longer be tolerated!  A Total Tan has a computer record of everyone using each tanning room. In the future, using the tanning room as a toilet will not be tolerated. This will be very embarrassing to you!  It is not embarrassing for us to restart your bed if you need to stop before or during your session. Simply put on your clothes and ask the employee to stop your session.

Especially, it seems, in Chicago — as witnessed by both Julie and Whitney. Although, “To be fair,” Whitney adds, “the entire city seems to be fair game for public urination.”

ObviouslyPlease do not USE this bathroom! I thought the lack of a door indicated that fact, obviously I was wrong.I was wrong

Please - this is not a toilet

related: What is it about thrift store fitting rooms?!

extra credit: Street art by ELBOW-TOE

This is not a urinal.

→ 54 CommentsFILED UNDER: Chicago · piss · toilet


A message for our former housemate

December 18th, 2012 · 19 comments

This could be a hint that your former housemates have grown weary of you treating their home as a rent-free walk-in closet. (Admits our submitter: “If I’d had my way, it’d be on the sidewalk with a ‘free stuff’ sign.)

St. Vincent DePauls 'MOVE THIS SHIT' Sale

→ 19 CommentsFILED UNDER: Australia · money · moving/not moving · roommates


The Griswold Family Fine Print

December 17th, 2012 · 70 comments

While admiring the neighborhood’s holiday decorations with his family, our submitter in Denver came across this “bokeh of Christmas joy.”

Dr. Griswold & Mr. Grinch

Noticing a folder of photocopied flyers labeled “please take one,” our submitter did so, and while his daughter stared in awe at the abundance of LED-powered holiday cheer, he gawped at the Grinch-like screed that accompanied it.

PLEASE STAY OFF MY DAMN FENCE. I am Tired of people breaking it and not having the decency to come and tell me, and maybe pay for it. Instead they sneak off like damn thief(s) in the nite. I put up decorations so you can enjoy them, not destroy my property. I realize 98% of the people are good and just enjoy the decorations. The other 2% are obviously a__h___s. Stay away, no one is making you come. You damn well weren't invited, so stay the hell home!! Or have manners!

related: Merry Christmas…with an emphasis on the “meh”

extra credit: How much does it cost to decorate your house with Christmas lights? [boingboing.net]

→ 70 CommentsFILED UNDER: Christmas · Denver · holiday spirit · neighbors · pointlessly self-censored profanity · vandalism


When I was green in judgment, cold in blood

December 16th, 2012 · 85 comments

I’ve spent most of the day curled up reading John Irving’s latest, In One Person (“a compelling novel of desire, secrecy, and sexual identity.”) And yet, since stumbling across this novella — from an office fridge in Maryland — I’ve had but one phrase echoing in my head: “We are not so unalike, [you and I]. I, too, have a deep love of salad.”

Dear Desperate for Salad: We are so unalike. I too have a deep love of salad. In fact, it is what I eat for lunch nearly every single day. I find few things more satisfying than a crisp green salad in the middle of the day. I'm sure you feel similarly.

related: “Someday when you’re wondering why you’re alone…”

→ 85 CommentsFILED UNDER: Maryland · most popular notes of 2012 · office fridge · stealing · TL;DR


Just sayin’ (while silently seething)

December 13th, 2012 · 34 comments

The office break room: where everything is somebody else’s responsibility.

This banana has been here a while.

MOLD IS HERE.

BAD SALAMI

related: I am clearly too busy writing notes, so could somebody less important than me take care of this?

→ 34 CommentsFILED UNDER: cleaning · office