The ultimate grandparent guilt trip

May 28th, 2014 · 96 comments

“I haven’t had a close relationship with my grandparents since I graduated from college 14 years ago,” writes Lindsay in Nashville. “I only see them a couple of times a year, so it’s typically pretty awkward when we get together. I have nothing against them, but they haven’t been involved with my life in so long it’s almost like we’re acquaintances, rather than family.”

This masterpiece is what Lindsay received this year for her birthday.

Dear Lindsay, Hope you enjoy your birthday & that the check will help with that. As you know I am not doing too well, but before I die, I'd sure like to know why you dislike us. Thru the years we've tried to give you what we could, but I guess it wasn't enough.

Adds Lindsay: “They have written me, my sister and my mother out of their will multiple times — though we’re all reinstated now, as far as I know.”

related: Smack! Right in the feels.

→ 96 CommentsFILED UNDER: Grandma · guilt trip


Kiss my carbon footprint!

May 25th, 2014 · 47 comments

Writes our submitter in Cambridge, UK: “There’s a master’s student living in our shared student house — the kind who lives off hemp protein and lentils. Anyway, the house has an hallway running through the middle, with his room on one side and a landing on the other. This note appeared on the landing the other day. I think it has the perfect combination of smiley faces, violent threats, love and climate change.”

YO DIPSHITS! Turn the light off!!!* 1) It shines straight into my room, and wakes me up. 2) It releases CO2. You're killing us all with climate change for no fucking reason!!! Love and Big kisses! xxx ––– :)  *Notes are normally passive aggressive. This one is aggressive-aggressive. Do this again, and I shall cut you :)

related: Pure, unadulterated corporate greed! 

→ 47 CommentsFILED UNDER: Cambridge · energy usage · not-so-veiled threats · signed with love · smiley · The Earth · U.K.


A bit of a spat over the pitter-patter of little feet

May 21st, 2014 · 156 comments

Holly in Glendale, Arizona says her one-year-old daughter just learned how to walk, and (as toddlers do)  enjoys toddling around the apartment. Holly and her husband have tried explaining this to the downstairs neighbors, to no avail. “They bang on the ceiling, which scares the living sh*t out of my little girl,” Holly says, and have called the cops  — “whose response was to apologize for disturbing us.”

Now, Holly says, “As soon as my one-year-old walks into the kitchen, the woman who lives below us will immediately run up our stairs and throw herself against our door, screaming and threatening us.”

I feel you, Holly, but maybe those “my first stilettos” are a bit much?

Don't know what the hell you are doing up there all night but you do have neighbors whom live below you. The noise, stomping, and banging has got to stop. If it doesn't a complaint will be made and if it still continues the police. Please be courteous.

related: Please walk your elephant quietly!

extra credit: A baby elephant takes its first steps [youtube]

→ 156 CommentsFILED UNDER: Arizona · kids · neighbors · not-so-veiled threats


It’s a great day…to move out of the house!

May 19th, 2014 · 50 comments

Alexandria in Australia says that the card she got from her parents on her 18th birthday (below) “is a pretty good summary of my formative years.”

Dear Alexandra,   I think this card expresses the fact that, although we both love you very much we find it hard to say, just like you do. All the best for your adulthood.   Dad  With bells on! Love Mum

Dear Alexandra,

I think this card expresses the fact that, although we both love you very much we find it hard to say, just like you do. All the best for your adulthood.

Dad

With bells on! Love Mum

related: Really, Mom, you shouldn’t have.

→ 50 CommentsFILED UNDER: Australia · birthday · Moms & Dads


Cookie Trolls

May 14th, 2014 · 36 comments

Look out Keebler Elves, cookies have a new mascot… in Poland anyway, where Karolina spotted this note warning her and her fellow coworkers not to indulge in any mid-shift snacking.

Please do not eat cookies. They're for guests only!

Arguably a bit severe, but hey, as Kristie from San Antonio let us know, when you say it with a cookie, you speak from the heart.

Fuck you Dan!!

Related: “Too many”

→ 36 CommentsFILED UNDER: food · office


Scapegoat of the Sea

May 12th, 2014 · 35 comments

Joanna in Boston says this started with “have a blessed day,” and has continued to escalate from there.

Please wash sink when you dump food, especially tuna fish. It reeks. HAVE A BLESSED DAY! Three most wanted tuna offenders. I feel discriminated against. I have good taste. Please note: Mary did not write this note. Mary is not passive-aggressive.  -Mary

related: Fish cookies, anyone?

→ 35 CommentsFILED UNDER: Boston · fish · office · public shaming · rebuttals


You may not be stylish or chic, but Mom loves you anyway

May 7th, 2014 · 46 comments

“My mom mistakenly picked up a birthday card for my sister’s graduation,” writes our submitter in Canada. “The real gold, of course, is in what she decided to cross out.”

Love you just the way you are. Happy Graduation. Love Mom + Dad

related: For the conditionally beautiful bride

→ 46 CommentsFILED UNDER: Canada · faint praise · Mother-daughter notes


Jock block

May 5th, 2014 · 52 comments

Michael in Las Vegas went to pick up his mail today and spotted this cocky little note:

Whoever has my package that was delivered Wednesday April 23.....I hope you are enjoying my athletic supporter. It's to protect your balls....which obviously you have none! [sic]

related: Your ultra charmin’ neighbor

→ 52 CommentsFILED UNDER: Las Vegas · neighbors · stealing


Prison? Or the prison or hurt feelings? You decide.

April 30th, 2014 · 20 comments

Sarah in Philadelphia calls this note, from a much-beloved bookstall at the Reading Terminal Market, “the single most adorable and passive aggressive note I have ever read in my life.”

If u do not abide by the rules you will be confined to the prison of hurt feelings for ever

Meanwhile, as Jenna shows us with this sign from an Albuquerque Antiques Mall, the “adorable” approach doesn’t work for everyone.

If you steal here you may just die here theives [sic] beware I hate you!!!!

related: May you get a seriously itchy bum!

→ 20 CommentsFILED UNDER: "customer service" · i before e


Curious sign is curious

April 29th, 2014 · 76 comments

Any Portlanders know the story behind this sign? Our submitter, Sarah, is wondering, and now I am, too.

This is not a Japanese restaurant. You should slap the fool that told you those lies.

Aaaaand we have an answer. Thanks, Misti!

related: raw chicken + orgasms = ?

→ 76 CommentsFILED UNDER: Portland · restaurant · WTF?