Are you a jerk turkey?

April 8th, 2013 · 43 comments

Emptying the lint trap at the laundromat has never really bothered me, personally. At least one person in Denver, however, seems to mind a whole lot.

Casting Call! Audition! Are you a jerk turkey? An ass hat, and an all around D-bag? We're looking for YOU. Maybe you don't put the seat down after you use the bathroom.  Maybe you eat other people's food, or stiff people on their tip.  Or, MAYBE YOU DON'T EMPTY YOUR NASTY LINT TRAP AFTER DOING YOUR NASTY LAUNDRY.  Are you proud of being a dick? Celebrate! Rejoice in your complete idiocy, and lack of general consideration! We'll all be looking on in admiration as we scrape your disgusting dead skin cells and your stupid dogs hair out of your f***ing lint trap. It's lovely. Thank you for that.  CLEAN UP AFTER YOURSELF, PIGS.

related: There’s no spitting in laundry.

→ 43 CommentsFILED UNDER: Denver · laundry · neighbors


Andrew from the Internet strikes again

April 5th, 2013 · 141 comments

You might recall the letter that Bill and Mara received from a stranger informing that “no one cares about your damn wedding.” Despite Andrew from the Internet’s professed apathy, it seems he had enough time on his hands to not just comb through Bill’s blog, but Bill and Mara’s wedding guestbook as well.

Bill says a family member, mistakenly assuming that the guestbook entries could only be viewed by friends and family, left a note about having moved, including their new address. “We soon caught the message and removed the address,” Bill says, “but not before Andrew saw the page.”

Dear [redacted], Hi there. My name is Andrew and I’m from the internet. I saw that you posted your and your husband’s home address publicly on Bill and Mara’s awful little wedding website for the whole internet to see. Don’t do that. I mean you no harm, but there are people on the internet who might. Now, fingers crossed, hopefully all that will become of this is that you get this snarky letter from an anonymous stranger. But, if some nutcase came after y’all with ease because you were too lazy to send Bill and Mara an email or a letter with your home address, how would you feel? The internet is a big, scary place that anyone in the world can access. Don’t be stupid. Protect yourself by keeping private information private. GOOD LUCK P.S. Your address is 9TH AVE, not “9 Ave”. P.P.S. Kudos for knowing your zip 4 though.

 

related: My name is Andrew, and I’m from the Internet.

→ 141 CommentsFILED UNDER: "helpful" advice · p.s. · smartass · weddings and bridezillas


Paranoid much?

April 3rd, 2013 · 89 comments

Our submitter in Texas said she found the first note “while trying to rearrange a kitchen cabinet that is completely dominated by my roommate’s freakishly large collection of stale old teas.” (A coffee person herself, she’s never “borrowed” any.) But the best part, she says? “This lead me to poke around the apartment and uncover several similar notes. Cheers, roomie!”

Like LITERALLY ALL OF MY FOOD, this, too is not for sharing. Ask first!

Buy your own rice, for f-ck's sake!

You have no reason to be in this drawer. buy your own eye serum; we talked about this.

related: My duh-runk roommate

→ 89 CommentsFILED UNDER: roommates · stealing · Texas


Holy hydrangeas, Batman!

April 2nd, 2013 · 96 comments

Stephen in Eugene, Oregon rode by this house on his bike and was a block away before he realized he had to go back and take a photo for posterity. “I question who is the good neighbor here,” Stephan says. “I suspect this is about more than just the hydrangeas. But maybe they just really want room to park another car on the lawn.”

BE A GOOD NEIGHBOR! :) Remove the OVERGROWN TREE!

related: And bad fences make bad neighbors?

→ 96 CommentsFILED UNDER: flowers, trees, houseplants & gardens · neighbors · Oregon · public shaming


How do you like them eggs?

April 1st, 2013 · 71 comments

If you found yesterday’s post too saccharine for your taste, well, here’s a different sort of mother-daughter exchange. Hannah found this card nestled among a basket of Easter eggs that her mom gave her.

To Hannah, Happy Easter from the mother who 'f-cked up' your life and has done 'nothing' for you!

related: I can has guilt trip?

extra credit: “Family’s Easter decorations have neighbour hopping mad” [cbcnews]

→ 71 CommentsFILED UNDER: Easter · U.K.


A note from the Easter Bunny

March 31st, 2013 · 57 comments

Christine from Buffalo says her 7-year-old daughter, Mary, was curious as to whether or not the Easter Bunny pooped chocolate. Yet when this note showed up next to a pile of “droppings,” little Mary was unwilling to taste a sample to find out.

Dear Mary, Your mom forgot to put out carrots, so I got them from the refrigerator and pooped on the floor. Don't be mad at her for forgetting! There was some water on the table, and I drank it because I was thirsty. Love, the Easter Bunny.

P.S. Is leaving carrots for the Easter bunny a thing, like leaving cookies for Santa? I totally didn’t know that was a thing, if it is a thing. Is it?

P.P. S. We can all agree that mall Easter bunnies are totally creepy, right?

related: The Easter bunny is a passive-aggressive little bugger

→ 57 CommentsFILED UNDER: Easter · Moms & Dads


Wild as a mink but sweet as (broken bottles of) soda pop

March 28th, 2013 · 53 comments

This interesting counterpoint to yesterday’s “multi-offensive” North Dakota screed was spotted by Amanda in the mountains of good ol’ East Tennessee. It was posted near a rope swing across a river, a popular place for swimming, breaking beer bottles, and, apparently, educating the next generation of foul-mouthed note-writers.

Hey asshole yeah you, you dumb redneck. Instead breaking glass bottles where my kids swim, can't u screw ur cousin instead? They have about the same entertainment value...I'm told. Or do us all a favor & screw a broken bottle. Fukn jerks

related: Roadside Intervention

→ 53 CommentsFILED UNDER: small town living · southern charm · spelling and grammar police · Tennessee · that's trashy


I’m not sure I agree with you a hundred percent on your police work there, Lou.

March 27th, 2013 · 83 comments

Morgan from Fargo, North Dakota went out with friends one night in Grand Forks, and the parking situation was, in his words, “atrocious.” He spotted this message on the dash of one particularly poorly-parked pickup.

Though it’s hardly the most offensive part of this “multi-offensive” note, Morgan was just as confused by Andy’s Iowa/Texas hate as I was. Interestingly, at least one recent analysis found the state with the worst drivers to be none other than…any guesses?

Are you from Iowa or Texas? Because you park like a...

 related: When parking gets political

→ 83 CommentsFILED UNDER: North Dakota · parking


Here comes the troll

March 26th, 2013 · 164 comments

Bill from Florida and his bride, Mara, both electrical engineering majors, decided to infuse their passion for their field into their “Circuit and Swirls”-themed wedding, complete with invitations featuring actual LED-running circuits. In the DIY spirit of things, Bill posted a video and a how-to guide on his blog. (So far, so good.)

A month or so later, after Bill and Mara returned from their honeymoon, they found this handwritten manifesto — excuse me, concerned warning — in their mailbox. (Because apparently plain ol’ Internet bile-spewing via, you know, the Internet would have been a little bit too passive.)

Dear Bill and Mara, Hi there. My name is Andrew and I’m from the Internet. I came across y’all (and what appears to be y’all’s address) from a post on Wedinator. Looks like Bill posted this one himself…shocker. I’d like to point out early on here that I mean you no harm—but there are idiots on the internet who might. Moral of the story? Don’t put your home address on the internet. P.S.: ads on your videos about your wedding crap? Kindy trashy. Sure didn’t notice these until y’all started getting views in the thousands.  So, the fancy blinky invitations? Pretty cool, and kudos on the homebrew, but three words: OVER THE TOP. There is no call for this, it’s just for attention. Seriously.  Key Points:  How many people are going to keep and cherish these thing forever?  Seriously, No one cares about your damn wedding. Folks go to weddings for only a few reasons. Social obligations, food, Liquor. Looks like this is an expensive, extravagant shindig. How much did it cost? Who paid? Or financed? How many grocery trip, tanks of gas, or house down payments is that? Most people who have extravagant weddings could care less about actually getting married, they just want to be in a wedding.  You guys are really pretentious. Personal blogs are bad enough, but wedding/relationship websites are kind of disgusting.  Over 50% of marriages end in divorce. Think about this: if you would be satisfied with a brief chapel wedding without guests and a road trip for a honeymoon, then you’re really ready to marry. GOOD LUCK.

related: Cloudy with a chance of hate mail

 

→ 164 CommentsFILED UNDER: "helpful" advice · Florida · most popular notes of 2013 · TL;DR · weddings and bridezillas


Vigilante justice: Don’t try this at home

March 25th, 2013 · 111 comments

Nicole in Baltimore says her roommate returned home from work and found this note taped to the front door. Later, they discovered a copy of the same had also been taped to the doors of everyone on the entire street. (Kindling for the torch-and-pitchfork-wielding mob?)

ATTENTION: do you know who you live near????? Your neighbor Charles L. M**** (DOB December 19**) who lives at 2***** St. is having an affair with my wife of 12 years. It has been going on since Feb 25, 2012 but I just found out in January 2013. My wife promised to break if off but I found out yesterday that they are still seeing each other. I will be divorcing her. His home phone is 410-***-****. He is 6'3, 195 lbs. He drives a white Chevy pick up truck (license plate 4****) I will be going to his job tomorrow and attending his church on Sunday to let everybody know the kind of man that he is. Because I cannot physically harm him and risk losing my kids or going to jail, I plan on spreading the word about this lowlife loser.

Meanwhile, a submitter from nearby Silver Spring, Maryland snapped this photo during rush-hour traffic.

I CHEATED THIS IS MY PUNISHMENT

related: Buy one divorce, get the second one half off!

→ 111 CommentsFILED UNDER: Baltimore · love & marriage · Maryland · public shaming · spurned lover