No drama!!!

December 4th, 2012 · 48 comments

Yes, Lorraine, admits, she works long hours at her job. And no, her mother hasn’t been over to her house in a while…but neither has anybody else. Nice of her Mum to refrain from DRAMA[!!!] about it though, right? (Krystle Gale, I’m guessing you can relate.)

Have a Great Day! On your Birthday! Had to send it at work! I have been SO MANY TIMES in your place, I DONT KNOW THE RIGHT NUMBER. No Drama!!!

related: So, Mom, what you’re telling me is to cover up with a latex catsuit?

→ 48 CommentsFILED UNDER: Australia · birthday · exclamation-point happy!!!! · guilt trip · Moms & Dads · Mother-daughter notes


Are you Facebook friends with your landlord?

December 3rd, 2012 · 59 comments

Ryan’s friend M is “…very direct, let’s say.” So when her property management company sent Facebook friend requests to her and her housemates — after ignoring countless communications about various maintenance issues — Ryan knew the results would be “interesting, let’s say.”

no problem! i did it because you're useless and ignore my texts and emails so i thought i would try this. fix our shower! its been broken since we moved in!

related: Well, that’s one way to get your landlord’s attention

→ 59 CommentsFILED UNDER: Facebook · landlords and property managers · public shaming · smiley · Wales


Read the writing on the wall

December 1st, 2012 · 29 comments

Jesse in Iowa says that the unisex bathroom at a local bar/coffee shop has long played host to a running debate about the need to raise or lower the toilet seat. Recently, another Sharpie-wielding sheriff stepped in with this contribution. My question: Was the writer a child, or a truck driver?

Only children and truckdrivers write on the walls. If you value this place please stop.

Meanwhile, Tom spotted this offensive leap of logic at a bar in Waco, Texas.

Writing Graffitty [sic] on the Men's Room wall is a rather stupid act. — All you're saying is I'm truly a hopeless perverted homo!

Of course, as Heather in Kentucky noticed, women can be just as offensive and illogical when it comes to their bathroom-stall musings.

Little girls who write on bathroom walls are common whores. Any whore who ?'s a guy in a bathroom is gross Fish Twat Sluts. So is whoever wrote this ? Grow up.

For the really crude stuff, though, you’ve got to turn to a Canadian.

related: An artistic phallacy

extra credit: Public Toilet Survival Kit

→ 29 CommentsFILED UNDER: bar · bathroom · graffiti · grow up


Better late than never?

November 29th, 2012 · 51 comments

At first glance, I thought this was one of those ads in the back of a high school yearbook, but no — Katie in Galveston, Texas actually spotted this in the  pages of the local newspaper.

Happy Birthday Krystal Gale. 35 years old today. My special daughter, makes me so glad to have you in my life. But I wish you would call or text more to me. Your Mom, So many thoughts about you and me together, My Shadow. Better Late than never.

related: My parents, the loan sharks

Happy Valentine’s Day to my son…and the harlot with whom he’s living in sin

extra credit: “Woman Has Bizarre Ability To Share Details About Personal Life With Parents” [theonion.com]

→ 51 CommentsFILED UNDER: birthday · guilt trip · Moms & Dads · Mother-daughter notes · newspaper · public shaming


A notice from the Department of Unnecessary Euphemisms

November 28th, 2012 · 49 comments

I can only imagine the search queries that went into locating this delightful bit of clip art, which now decorates the ladies’ room at a medical school in Philadelphia. Now pour Lady Sansa some wine.

LADIES!!!! IF YOUR RED FLOWER IS BLOOMING PLEASE DISPOSE OF YOUR FEMININE PRODUCTS IN THE BROWN PAPER BAGS THAT HAVE BEEN PROVIDED FOR YOU THEN Dispose of that bag in the trash can near the entrance

related: The Shark Week Scriptures

extra credit: Public Toilet Survival Kit

→ 49 CommentsFILED UNDER: bathroom · clip art catastrophe · hygiene · office · Philadelphia


Black, white, and RED all over

November 27th, 2012 · 23 comments

“You can’t tell from the photo,” our submitter says, “but the paper quality of this notice is above average. I guess there’s no cheap printer paper for angry Upper East Side residents!”

PLEASE DO NOT STEAL MY NEW YORK TIMES. I BELIEVE IN PRIVATE PROPERTY, IF YOU DON'T, WELL, THEN YOU ARE A COMMUNIST.

Although our submitter admits she was surprised this wasn’t posted by a Wall Street Journal subscriber, I’d say this more or less fits with the unique approach of the typical New York Times subscriber. WSJ-ers, on the other hand…

Hey!! I ordered the Wall Street Journal to be delivered here. Please stop taking it, or i'll break your fuckin' arms! Love, Harrison

related: Comrades, take notice! 

extra credit: The People’s Daily salutes Kim Jong Eun, 2012′s Sexiest Man Alive

extra extra credit: “Commie Mints”

→ 23 CommentsFILED UNDER: New York · newspaper · stealing


Nope, nothing to see here.

November 26th, 2012 · 44 comments

That’s right narcs, just move it along!

Boring that's what it's like Inside the room. Do not Disturb Lycia She Will Not Wake Up. Don't  in There sleeping and Super Veary Boring. Don't Bother These two. Their Boring. I wouldn't bother going in thy won't do anything.

(Now fast-forward about 10 years or so…)

I don't have a meth lab (Never ever) Leave me alone

related:  See you never again in my life

→ 44 CommentsFILED UNDER: go away · kids · rainbow-colored · Tampa


No, thank YOU, Boss Lady of 75

November 25th, 2012 · 38 comments

This is just…a thing of beauty.

Do not disrespect my door by knockin and not callin. Before you knock on it! Call me before you knock.

related: You don’t mess with Bob Mess.

→ 38 CommentsFILED UNDER: exclamation-point happy!!!! · knocking · Sacramento · so this is a thing? · that's disrespectful · unnecessary "quotation marks"


An unsolicited endorsement

November 23rd, 2012 · 28 comments

Clarissa in Portland, Oregon dutifully passed along this e-mail from her boss. I normally don’t like to encourage this sort of thing, but, well, ’tis the season for shameless self-promotion. So, uh, take from Mel?

“Seriously, I have their calendar and I love it.” —Melanie, Administrative Projects Coordinator

I dislike sending these emails. But, <insert judgmental tone of voice here> apparently we need a reminder that this is a wash-your-own-dishes office. Thank you to whoever washed that nasty sink full of dishes this morning. I can assure you that I did not do it it, because I will not be washing your dishes for you. I don't hand wash dishes for other people, and if you want to know why, I will give you my parents' phone number and you can have a nice, long chat about it. But suffice it to say, in the meantime, wash your own dishes. p.s. i would be delighted if this ended up here: www.passiveaggressivenotes.com. Seriously, I have their calendar, and I love it.

related: Ceci n’est pas une note passif-agressif

extra credit: The PAN 2013 Page-a-Day Calendar. Seriously.

→ 28 CommentsFILED UNDER: all-staff e-mail · dishes · meta


Prepare your hi-diddly-hole, neighborino

November 21st, 2012 · 102 comments

Ben in California says he got this notice in the mail a few days ago, though he’s not sure if the rest of the neighborhood got it, too. “These folks have lived there for about six months, but I’ve never talked to them. I guess now I know why.”

We just moved into 412 E. H St. and would like to straighten some things out. 1. We don't need any new friends, we have enough. Don't try to stop by for small talk! 2. Don't park in front of our property! 3. Keep your pets quiet and we will get along.

related: A not-so-subtle clue that your co-worker isn’t interested in small talk

→ 102 CommentsFILED UNDER: neighbors · parking · small talk · way harsh