The perfect use for Instagram

November 11th, 2012 · 24 comments

As photographed by Danielle, while she was traveling in the Netherlands:

POEP!

Now you know how to say “poop” in Dutch! (You’re welcome.)

UPDATE: Bill came across this note in the Netherlands a few months back. “It may even be the same note writer!” Bedankt (thanks), Bill!

Bedankt (thanks)

related: Excuse me, sir? I think you’ve dropped something.

→ 24 CommentsFILED UNDER: Netherlands · shit


There’s stealing candy from children, and then there’s…this.

November 8th, 2012 · 37 comments

“How low do you have to go to steal flowers from someone’s grave?” wonders Ash in East Lansing, Michigan.

Please do not steal my father's flowers again. He did not do anything to you. Shame!

At the very least, I suppose, you’ve have to be someone untroubled by the prospect of being publicly chided or privately haunted. In Providence, Rhode Island, Moira noticed that the flowers at this memorial had very recently been dug up again.

To the Person(s) who has stolen the flowers from this bench at least twice this summer: These flowers were placed as a rememberance of Sheryl Jacobson and Maggie who are memorialized by this bench.  They were donated by a private person for the enjoyment of everyone who uses the park. You are not stealing from the city, but from the people who care about the beauty of this park. Shame on you! May the spirits of Sheryl and Maggie haunt you for your selfishness.

related: Rolling over in his grave

extra credit: “Man arrested for stealing flowers off graves to give to girlfriend”

→ 37 CommentsFILED UNDER: flowers, trees, houseplants & gardens · kinda creepy · Michigan · public shaming · stealing


So what you’re telling me is to pay at the pump?

November 7th, 2012 · 59 comments

Writes Tim in Jacksonville, Florida: “Apparently people on the Westside don’t process instructions very well.”

An alternative explanation: People at the Westside Winn-Dixie don’t utilize bold type very well.

Pay at the pump is down. If you remove this sign pay at the pump is still down. If you pull to a different pump. Pay at the pump is still down. Bring your card to the attendant Thank you

related: Pain at the pump

→ 59 CommentsFILED UNDER: "customer service" · gas station · Jacksonville


Have your people call my people.

November 6th, 2012 · 34 comments

Writes our submitter in Canada: “Of the 12 people living the house, only three do any sort of cleaning or washing up. This was the result of several months of accumulated angst.”

Dear household, I am suck of you discusting [sic] c*nts not washing up after your selfs [sic] you have one day to learn before you find your dirty dishes in bed with you. This includes pots, pans, cups, and tea pots. If you have a problem with that I am happy to discuss. Sincerely, Haarlem  Haarlem, I like the way you think, let's discuss this further. Get your people to call my people and we'll do lunch. Love, Ben

related: I did the dishes. Where’s my cookie?

→ 34 CommentsFILED UNDER: Canada · cleaning · dishes · not-so-veiled threats · rebuttals · roommates · runaway run-on sentences · smartass · spelling and grammar police


Election fatigue

November 5th, 2012 · 91 comments

I’ve done some political canvassing before — once in Columbus, Ohio — and in my experience, it was no fun for anyone involved. But don’t worry, kids. It’ll all be over soon.

From Minnesota…

Yes - we're voting. No - we won't be discussing who we are voting for. Yes - I know where our polling place is. No - I'm not telling you if we support or oppose the marriage amendment or school refferendum [sic]. Please don't leave campaign documents.  Thank you!

And Columbus, Ohio…

ES, I am voting for OBAMA, and YES, I know where to VOTE. So please don't knock on my door. P.S. I don't want to hear about the MORMON faith, either. Have a wonderful day.

related: Politics, Masshole-style

extra credit: Do you know where you f’ing polling place is?

→ 91 CommentsFILED UNDER: Minnesota · Ohio · politics


Peed off.

November 1st, 2012 · 79 comments

Writes Jenny in San Diego: “There are four of these identical laminated signs posted at face height around the tiny front lawn of a house in my neighborhood. The lawn actually would look fine if it weren’t for the rude signs.”

Keep your bitches from urinating on the lawn. They are killing the grass.

related post:
Caught in the act
DO YOU KNOW THESE DOGS??

→ 79 CommentsFILED UNDER: dogs · neighbors · piss · San Diego


No treats, no tricks, just boos.

October 31st, 2012 · 120 comments

So, which house do you think is the most likely to get egged by angry trick-or-treaters?

Exhibit a) From Chester Springs, Pennsylvania:

HUNGOVER. If you ring the doorbell, I will piss in your plastic pumpkin.

Exhibit b)

NO CANDY JUST SWINE FLU (It's worse than no candy.)

Exhibit c)

NO CANDY HERE WAITING FOR PIZZA MAN

Exhibit d) From Jackson, Mississippi:

Warning! No candy! All Trick-or-Treaters will be attacked by Evil Clown!

Exhibit e) Spotted by Greg in Escondido, California:

DEAR TRICK OR TREATERS: CANDY AND OTHER CONFECTIONS ARE AN AFFRONT TO THE LORD AND AS SUCH WE SHALL NOT BE PROVIDE ANY ON THIS DAY OF SIN! DEUTERONOMY 18:9-12, 1 PETER 5:8

Exhibit f) Spotted by Tyree in Oakridge, Oregon

No Candy go Away

related: Some advice for would-be pumpkin smashers

→ 120 CommentsFILED UNDER: candy · go away · Halloween


Sentence structure could use some improvement

October 30th, 2012 · 29 comments

Several months ago, Kenney in Sydney moved in with some new housemates. Last week, he happened to park in a different spot in the driveway. (“We had been asked to not park in the garage as it was used as a gym/personal trainer studio.”)

“The next morning,” he says, “I found this ‘anonymous’ note — despite having just talked with the person responsible, without any mention of their concern.” By way of a response, Kenney decided to give the note the red pen treatment.

Dear Housemate's Please take under consideration that the parking arragement tonight was not Thought out properly we have a garage that one car could go in & instead Driveway looks like a parking lot please think of all housemate's living under this rood not just yourself Thank you. !  12/28 42% A clean document with some folds, sentence structure could use improvement along with grammar. Would love to discuss your results to improve your persuasive letter writing ability! D+

related: I give your passive-aggressive note a C-

→ 29 CommentsFILED UNDER: Australia · most popular notes of 2012 · parking · rebuttals · roommates · spelling and grammar police · Sydney


But…changing the water cooler bottle is hard!

October 29th, 2012 · 34 comments

Writes in Bill in New York City: “When the water cooler bottle is empty, no one seems to know how to change it and leaves it for the next guy.’ His co-worker decided to go on the offensive.

T-Rex has tiny arms, too tiny to change the water bottle when it's empty. What's your excuse?!!!

My excuse? I am even clumsier than Liz Lemon. (And I know I’m not alone on this.)

related: So, the water cooler’s hosting rainbow parties again?

extra credit: Water cooler etiquette, or the thirsty worker’s manifesto [cnn.com]

→ 34 CommentsFILED UNDER: office · water


Reason for Sale: Can’t Stand the Neighbors

October 26th, 2012 · 40 comments

“To be fair,” says Loren in Ypsilanti, Michigan,“the owner does live on a popular dog-walking street. The trees are also gigantic, so I’m sure they have a ton of leaves to rake in the fall. Still, this seems a little harsh.”

Reason for sale; Can't stand the neighbors, sick of raking leafs [sic]. Hate the endless dog walking pissing on my property. Would rather live in a box then spend another year in Ypsi. I am a lifelong resident in this crappy town. Need a good house? My house is very clean. Leave a message. $200,000 firm.

related: House for rent — we have mold and roaches!

→ 40 CommentsFILED UNDER: dogs · Michigan · neighbors · Ypsilanti