Just google it.

October 2nd, 2012 · 36 comments

Heather in California says none of her colleagues will admit to writing this note, four copies of which showed up one day in the “very, very, small breakroom” at her office.

Dearest colleagues, Since non[e] of our Moms will be dropping around to clean up after us like they did when we were little kids; why not recap the p-nut butter, close the cracks and wipe up your crumbs before returning to work following break of lunch? Perhaps wetting a paper towel and wiping up your spills etc. etc.   Those of us who follow you into the break room would prefer not to have to clean-up your food remains so that we can have a clean neat environment in which to enjoy our breaks.   For detailed instructions on procedures to employ following making a mess, simply search GOOGLE for

P.S. As of today, the first page of search results for “activities of common courtesy and how to clean-up after finishing my break” includes a Wikipedia List of Breaking Bad characters.

related: This is in the way

→ 36 CommentsFILED UNDER: California · cleaning · office · spelling and grammar police · You call that punctuation? · Your mother doesn't...


Comment dit-on “fermez la porte SVP” en anglais?

October 1st, 2012 · 24 comments

Our submitter, who works at a language school in France,  isn’t 100% sure which one of the managers posted this on the staff board. However, there is one person he can think of who “has a fondness for long patronizing notes when a simple ‘please close the door’ would do.”

(just click the photo to enlarge)

When is a door not a door? When it's ajar!   I a door these notes.

related: Ceci n’est pas une porte

→ 24 CommentsFILED UNDER: obnoxious definition · opening/closing · smartass · TL;DR


Well, that’s a bit rude.

September 30th, 2012 · 67 comments

Emily in Texas remembers her parents being convinced she was most uncouth child ever born — they even sent her to etiquette school to clean up her act. Well, she got a rude reminder of those days when she found this birthday card in the back of her closet.

Dear Daughter, We wish you [a] very Happy 7th Birthday and hope you will make us proud of you by doing everything better [particularly] on your [manners]. from Mom & Dad

related: Happy Valentine’s Day from Mom

→ 67 CommentsFILED UNDER: birthday · etiquette · Moms & Dads · spelling and grammar police · Texas


Signed, The Cat

September 27th, 2012 · 70 comments

From a house full of roommates in Texas, our submitter calls this “a prime example of ‘dogs have owners, cats have staff.’”

Anna, please clean my vomit. Thanks. —Cat

related: Hendrix is the cat

→ 70 CommentsFILED UNDER: cats · cleaning · roommates · vomit


FU Load Letter

September 26th, 2012 · 37 comments

Writes our submitter in Houston: “The secretary on our floor is never at her desk — so much, in fact, that she’s been reported numerous times. We recently got a new office copier and somehow she decided that she has ownership of it. Based on the note below, it looks like someone needed help and was a little frustrated that, once again, she couldn’t be located.” Aaaand troll mode activated!

PLEASE SEE ME IF YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS IN REGARD TO THIS MACHINE OR HOW TO OPERATE OR CLEAR A JAM. DO NOT START PUSHING BUTTONS OR OPENING THINGS IF YOU ARE UNSURE OF WHAT YOU ARE DOING. SEE ME FOR ASSISTANCE. THANK YOU.   Went to your desk. You weren't there. Pushed LOTS of buttons. :)

Adds our submitter: “The secretary EXPLODED when she saw that someone had the nerve to touch her machine.”

Went to your desk. You weren't there. Pushed LOTS of buttons. :)

related: My Secretary, Sybil

→ 37 CommentsFILED UNDER: Houston · office · oh no you didn't · overzealous secretary · smartass · smiley · touching


(Willpower not provided)

September 25th, 2012 · 32 comments

At Ama’s office in Jacksonville, Florida, a friendly staff member brought a sweet treat to share. “This became too much for one anonymous coworker,” Ama says, “who maintained his or her strength under pressure long enough to leave this note.” (Honestly, as someone with a particular weakness for the sweet stuff myself…I kinda understand.)

Blueberry Cheesecake for Whoever Wants Some. I'm totally intimidated by this cheesecake. Will someone please eat it so I can use the breakroom!

related post:

This is a candy-optional office

→ 32 CommentsFILED UNDER: cake · Jacksonville · office


Uncle Sam wants you to keep calm and wash up

September 24th, 2012 · 15 comments

I didn’t pay much attention to this bit of poetic propaganda until I noticed it was posted at an office in the United Kingdom. Is the awkward meter of the writing below Uncle Sam some kind a subtle comment on American imperialism, or just pure laziness? I suspect the latter, but I’d still be tempted to slap a “Keep Calm and Carry On” poster on top.

I WANT YOU TO WASH YOUR DISHES. The sink is too small to have dishes build up, It's really not complicated to wash a small cup, Your workmates aren't your servants, keepers or your mothers, Those who wash their own things needn't worry about the others.

related: The Vicar of Glibly

→ 15 CommentsFILED UNDER: clip art catastrophe · dishes · office · pure poetry · U.K. · Your mother doesn't...


Happy Caturday!

September 22nd, 2012 · 103 comments

Writes our submitter in Canada: “This is my neighbour’s cat, Byron. He’s a lovely boy, but given the chance, he’ll steal into my apartment and scarf down my cats’ kibble. The other day Bryon visited sporting this new heart-shaped tag.”

PLEASE DON'T FEED ME!!

PLEASE DON'T FEED ME!!

related post:

Please stop feeding my cat!

→ 103 CommentsFILED UNDER: British Columbia · cats · neighbors


Which is more annoying?

September 20th, 2012 · 34 comments

This bullshit, from an office in Baltimore?

Really! An empty pizza box left in the fridge? Really, you'd think the person who stole my pizza would have better manners and would throw away the box!

Or the unused-microwave-time version, from Claire’s office in Columbus, Ohio?

Really! You wouldn't eat 3 blueberries and throw the container away??

related post:

The Breakroom Nibbler

→ 34 CommentsFILED UNDER: food · garbage · office fridge · pizza


Before you came into my life I used to sleep in — I used to sleep, sleep in

September 18th, 2012 · 60 comments

Welcome to the neighbourhood! xo, Carly Rae Jepsen

Hey you just moved here! And it's early! But here's my window! So Shut Up Maybe!

related post:

Or I’ll call the cops, maybe?

→ 60 CommentsFILED UNDER: Canada · have a nice day · most popular notes of 2012 · neighbors · noise · smiley