A recipe for passive-aggressiveness

August 14th, 2012 · 72 comments

Michael in California stumbled across this bit of passive-aggressive pedantry on Food.com.

I am publishing this recipe, because I am sure that there are other families who have members who don't know how or have forgotten how to make ice when the ice tray is empty.

P.S. The reviews = 5 stars.

I was wondering if you had a crock-pot version for this recipe. I work long hours and I just don't have the time to invest in this kind of hands-on cooking, but they really look yummy.

related: Four approaches to ice cube maintenance

That seems...a little bit harsh.

extra credit: Jim Gaffigan on Bottled Water

→ 72 CommentsFILED UNDER: ice · most popular notes of 2012


Please stop hectoring the coffee creamer! (You’re hurting its feelings.)

August 13th, 2012 · 118 comments

If you work in an office that supplies your cream and sugar needs gratis, consider yourself lucky. There’s something about coffee creamer that sends folks off the deep end…

Apparently in some unknown language my name means "help yourself to my creamer without permission and ignore the part where it reads don't touch!"

P.S. If you’ve thought of a different tactic, it’s probably been tried before.

BREAST MILK Drink at your own risk

related: Coffee, mate?

→ 118 CommentsFILED UNDER: all-staff e-mail · CAPS LOCK · office fridge · Orlando · stealing


Canadian is Angry; Still Says “Thank You”

August 12th, 2012 · 18 comments

Rachael in Edmonton spotted this billboard-on-wheels in the lot at the RV dealership where she works. “The guy was buying a trailer from us, but after seeing seen his van, I’m not so sure that’s a good idea.”

Thank you, Crysler Canada & Crosstown Motors for selling me the most unreliable vehicle I have ever owned!  2.5 year old Sprinter Van now for sale - Only been towed 1,2,3, 4 times - Only been in for repairs 1,2,3,4, 5 times - Replaced Tires 1st year - Replaced battery 2nd year - Replaced radiator fan assembly - Replaced Alternator and cables - Rusting everywhere - Many other problems included ... (no extra charge)

After all, you wouldn’t want a full-blown Canadian protest on your hands…

related: Good God, Lemon.

extra credit: A Canadian robbery [CTVNews.ca]

→ 18 CommentsFILED UNDER: Canada · car · Edmonton · public shaming · thanks (but not really)


If you’ve worked in retail, you can probably relate

August 8th, 2012 · 114 comments

Writes Stephanie in Houston: “Looks like someone got a little tired of folding shirts.”

SHIRTS ALL SIZE LARGE ALL JUST ALIKE

related: Thanks for NOT shopping here!

→ 114 CommentsFILED UNDER: Houston · retail hell


The companion sport to Olympic race walking?

August 7th, 2012 · 31 comments

Because dribbling isn’t such a useful skill outside of basketball…

The Olympics have started and we get to witness inspirational athletic accomplishments each day. Against this back drop, surely we as a team of professionals on the 14th floor can CONSISTENTLY HIT THE URINAL! It is not that hard folks. If for some reason you struggle (and clearly at least one us struggles every day), just sit down. This is disgusting and it is within our ability to keep the place clean.

Somehow I don’t think suggesting people sit down at the urinal is the answer, though.

Perhaps something a bit more Olympic in spirit?

related: Well, that seems (uri)logical enough

extra credit: Urinal Games [youtube.com]

→ 31 CommentsFILED UNDER: office · piss · Pittsburgh · toilet


Missing: Red Gatorade. Answers to the name “Wally.”

August 6th, 2012 · 23 comments

“People steal other people’s food and drink so often in my office that security put up a notice,” says our submitter in Florida. “Apparently, the sign isn’t working.”

Instead, the notes left by the victims have turned into an ongoing office-wide joke.

DID YOU TAKE A RED GATORADE? WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU? Do the right thing and replace it...or else!

And the latest contribution…

Missing: Red Gatorade. Cold, Refreshing, Thirst Quenching. Last seen inside the breakroom fridge. Answers to the name Wally. Hopefully picked up by accident. If you know where my Gatorade is,

related: Those heirloom tomatoes had sentimental value!

→ 23 CommentsFILED UNDER: beverages · note wars · office fridge · smartass · stealing


Memento, the sequel

August 5th, 2012 · 20 comments

Hey, Lenny, if you’re looking for an idea for your next tattoo, how about, “Don’t trust anything written in Comic Sans.”

James is a Liar Cheater and a Betrayer. you are pregnant with his baby, you need to know this. Don't trust him. Don't believe a word he says.

(Thanks to Syrah in Toronto for submitting!)

related: A little advice for the ladies

→ 20 CommentsFILED UNDER: Comic Sans Alert · Toronto · WTF?


Spilled Milk Carton Kids

August 3rd, 2012 · 23 comments

Karen in Madison, Wisconsin says her daughter left this note on the fridge sometime between midnight and 6:30 am:

If you are going to leave an open bottle of milk on its side in the fridge, make sure the cap is ALL the way on!!! I'm angry with you. >:(

The following afternoon, her brother came back with this:

*ATTENTION* If you ever want to see your milk cap again place 100 dollars in the envelope below

related: Lactose Intolerance

→ 23 CommentsFILED UNDER: family · Madison · milk


Your car has been “baptized”

August 1st, 2012 · 46 comments

Andy in Alexandria, Virginia passes this sign every day on his way to work, and says he’s always found the quotations around the word “baptized” to be a bit ominous. (“I have no idea what they are getting at,” he says.)

CHURCH PARKING ONLY VIOLATORS WILL BE CHURCH PARKING ONLY VIOLATORS WILL BE 'BAPTIZED'

Of course, if this sign seems familiar to you, that’s because this ol’ knee-slapper just might be the “unattended children will be given an espresso and a free puppy” of church parking signs. To wit:

Violators will be Baptized

Only Violators will be Baptized

Violators will be baptized

And back in Vienna, Virginia, it’s the cars that get baptized.

Church Parking UNAUTHORIZED VEHICLES WILL BE BAPTIZED

Related: What Would Jesus Text?

→ 46 CommentsFILED UNDER: Jesus · most popular notes of 2012 · parking


Hard Candy

July 31st, 2012 · 63 comments

“My best friend works at a hospital as a RN,” Jesse writes, “and one day, after a ridiculously long shift, she reached into the breakroom candy dish expecting, well, candy, and got a handful of pushpins instead. She wrote this note because a) she’s a smartass and b) to warn others.”

Jesse continues: “Minutes later, a doctor came in, reached into the candy dish, and popped one into his mouth. Then he spit it out, exclaiming, ‘This isn’t candy!’ My friend looked at him, and with a straight face said, ‘That’s why the note is there, Doctor.’ He looked down, read the note, and promptly left the room.”

This is not candy.

Adds Jesse: “But seriously, what kind of troll puts push pins in a candy dish?”

related: THIS IS A CANDY-OPTIONAL OFFICE

→ 63 CommentsFILED UNDER: candy · hospitals & doctors · most popular notes of 2012 · smartass