The Parent Tax

July 30th, 2012 · 99 comments

Well, Dad? What have you got to say for yourself?

Dear Daddy, Last night (4/24/12)I was looking for your hole puncher. (for mamas mothers day presant. I didn't find it. I looked inside in hopes to find the hole puncher. Instead I found my Halloween candy. I know it was Halloween because of the stickers inside of it. When (last year after Halloween) I asked you were it was you said "Oh, that's long gone by now." So you lied to my face. Also, now I'm strongly suspicious that for consecutive years you have been stealing our candy. I really want my candy back. It is rightfully mine. So I think you should give it back. Your Daughter, Callie

(Thanks to Katie in Kansas City for submitting!)

related: Why didn’t you tell me the tooth fairy wasn’t real?

→ 99 CommentsFILED UNDER: candy · Halloween · kids · Moms & Dads · most popular notes of 2012


The not-so-laid-back part of Portland

July 30th, 2012 · 69 comments

“I don’t know the back story here,” says Katie in Portland, Oregon, “but it seems like a better solution would have been to just, I don’t know, not park illegally?”

Dear Neighbor, Please extend the courtesy of ringing my doorbell and speaking to me before calling Parking Enforcement again. Thank you, Terri

related: How NOT to get out of a parking ticket

→ 69 CommentsFILED UNDER: neighbors · parking · Portland · the po-po


That’s a drawing of a grill, okay?

July 26th, 2012 · 39 comments

Okay, I think everyone’s had enough of the Outdoor Cat Debate of 2012. Perhaps a little double entendre to lighten the mood? Alrighty then!

This piece by Jamie’s daughter was hanging on the wall outside her classroom during Parent’s Day at the school. “She had no idea why it was funny to us,” Jamie says. (Her daughter’s teacher, meanwhile…)

My mother's favorite food is Dad's meet [sic]

related: “Drunk Mommy”

P.S. The passive-aggressive part of this note is the crappy watermark. I hate watermarks. Screw you, karma/pageview whores!

→ 39 CommentsFILED UNDER: double-entendre alert · kids · Moms & Dads · most popular notes of 2012 · not so much passive-aggressive


So if you know anyone who cares about their pets…

July 25th, 2012 · 449 comments

Here’s how Connie explains the situation: “I’m selling my house and moving to a new town. I’ve had an outdoor cat for almost five years, and she doesn’t do well indoors. Since it looks like I’ll end up in an apartment for the first year, I’m trying to find a new home for her. I made the mistake of asking a coworker who is passionate about his pets — seriously, he loves them more than people — and I thought he was just having a little fun with me when he bashed me for ‘throwing her away.’ I laughed and just told him to ask around and let me know.”

Here’s how Connie’s coworker chose to do that:

Connie is abandoning her pet cat even though it was a very loyal pet many years and its probably going to end up on a shelter.    So if you know anyone who cares about their pets and has room for one more, please let her know.  Thanks,  Brian

related: Sorry, my friends don’t eat cat.

extra credit: The saga of the passive-aggressive “lost cat” poster 

→ 449 CommentsFILED UNDER: cats · e-mail · frenemies · guilt trip · self-righteous vegans · South Carolina


This sign now promotes poor problem-solving skills

July 24th, 2012 · 28 comments

Sarah in Grand Rapids, Michigan says there are actually more words on this “replacement” lawn sign than there were on the original. Good thing the writer is putting those extra words to work for a good cause, huh?

This sign used to promote the Summer reading program for children until someone stole it

related: This flamingo has flown

→ 28 CommentsFILED UNDER: Grand Rapids · Michigan · stealing · Won't somebody think of the children?


Warning: This pool contain dihydrogen monoxide!

July 23rd, 2012 · 21 comments

Apparently, Von says, somebody at the Homeowners Association got fed up with kids swimming in and jumping off of a decorative fountain at the neighborhood swimming pool, so the Board of Directors put up this sign. “The funny part,” he says, “is that the water from the fountain flows directly into the actual pool.”  (No word on how long it took the kids to figure that one out.)

Heavy Chemicals in Fountain Pool May Cause Severe Burns or Death

And then there’s this…

This is posted at the city pool. The children now live in fear.

related: Small-town Swimming Pool Rules

→ 21 CommentsFILED UNDER: kids · Mississippi · swimming pool


Take that, Homeowners Association!

July 22nd, 2012 · 100 comments

Megan in Atlanta found this note on her front door one day after returning home from work. Explains Megan: “My front rooms are living and dining, not bedrooms. I had put one of my front blinds up because the cat was getting to it and they’re expensive cellular shades.” Her “high road” response? Raising all the blinds in the house. (Adds Megan: “Enjoy the view, busybody!”)

Dear Homeowner: Please keep your blinds lowered (at all times) across [sic] front of your home - for aesthetic purposes. Thanks a walker a jogger a bicyclists [sic]

Meanwhile, Tim and his wife Rebecca spotted this smiley-faced bit of sarcasm on a street near their home in Colorado Springs. Adds Tim: “The neighborhood isn’t even very nice, so an ugly fence is hardly the worst thing around.”

Look Bob I've painted my fence :)

 

related: The Future HOA Presidents of America

→ 100 CommentsFILED UNDER: Atlanta · Colorado · most popular notes of 2012 · MYOB · neighbors · there goes the neighborhood


The potted pot plant thief

July 18th, 2012 · 26 comments

“This was posted on the elevator door in my building,” says Konstantin in NYC. “It refers to the marijuana plant left in a pot right in front of the building for over a week. I love my neighbors…”

Psst, Whiteboy — perhaps a guard dog is in order?

To the person that took the weed plant! It was not TRASH It belong to me (Whiteboy) please Bring it back down. I will eventually find out. Just bring it down.

Meanwhile, in Seattle…

Hey! Those pots were not FREE! give them back!

related: The Orchid Thief

→ 26 CommentsFILED UNDER: drugs · flowers, trees, houseplants & gardens · New York · stealing


Please, Mom, anything but showers!

July 17th, 2012 · 30 comments

Explains a mom in Oregon: “This note was left outside the kids’ bedroom door after I sent them to a time out for pouring all of the shampoo and facewash in the entire bathroom into the bathtub. I told them I couldn’t trust them not to do that so they would have to stick to showers instead of baths for the time being.”

Man, I just love it when kids threaten their parents with the silent treatment.

Please, Mom, anything but showers!

 

related: An official declaration of the silent treatment

→ 30 CommentsFILED UNDER: kids · most popular notes of 2012 · Mother-son notes · Oregon


Vandalism is offensive…and painful.

July 15th, 2012 · 85 comments

Here’s how Carter in San Francisco tells the story: “It was my birthday, and after everyone else wanted to go to bed, I wanted to take an adventure. Being wasted, though, I didn’t make it past the second step. Instead, I fell down a flight of stairs straight into a plant, breaking off two branches.”

When he awoke the next morning, not only was he bruised and hungover, he was also an offensive vandal. As it turns out, however, an apologetic one — the pink note is his. He also shelled out $22 for a pretty new plant. (That’s something we don’t see too often around these parts…)

Vandalism is offensive! Respect other people's property!  1) Sorry about your plant 2) I accidentally fell down the stairs into it, breaking it 3) I didn't mean to 4) Assuming vandalism is offensive 5) Here's another plant because I feel bad

related: Arboreal abuse

→ 85 CommentsFILED UNDER: drizzunk · flowers, trees, houseplants & gardens · Oops?