Co-win-cidentally, these two notes were submitted within minutes of each other. (In my mind, both seem to demand being read with a kindergartner’s lisp.)

Stacey in Alexandria, Virginia spotted this almost-haiku in a high school hallway:

Meanwhile, this (just slightly) f-ed up display comes from an office kitchen in New York City:

related: Colonel Mustard? Meet Major Peteve.

Our submitter in Ohio came into work recently to find this disturbing notice on the door of the women’s restroom. Even more disturbing? This apparently wasn’t the first time this type of incident has occurred.

Our submitter says a group of coworkers spend all morning trying to figure out the logistics of how this shit went down. “The stall is really not that big,” she says, “and in order to miss the toilet, one would have to be standing, practically leaning on the wall, rotated 90 degrees from the usual use of a toilet…and then somehow not see what happened or subsequently decide not to clean it up.”

Sadly, I think Drew of Toothpaste for Dinner has a point:

related: THE MAD BOMBER: Never Forget!

Michael says this chaotic jumble of parenthetical-underlined-CAPSLOCK has been up since he started working at this California sushi restaurant, much to his amusement.

Adds Michael: “I don’t care how much a customer tips me, I am not going to satisfy all of their needs.” (So, no rice dicks, then?)

Honestly, it’s that last missing parenthesis that really gets me. Just close it up! Do it now!

related: Under no circumstances shall any chef make a Rice Dick.

Ty — an innocent bystander in this situation — saw this reply note taped to the door of his apartment building in Omaha. “I LOVE it!’ says Ty. Me too, Ty. Me too.

related: Save the earth, kill the kids?

Perhaps this bride has a fabulous sense of humor, and receiving a trashy romance novel as a wedding gift was a dream come true. However, given that Melanie found this inscribed copy at a Colorado Goodwill — and looks, she says, “completely unread” — Sariah might have preferred say, a toaster.

P.S. If you’re curious, here’s the Amazon synopsis of The Husband Trap:

Here comes the substitute bride. . . .Violet Brantford has always longed for the passionate embrace of Adrian Winter, the wealthy Duke of Raeburn. Problem is, he’s set to marry Violet’s vivacious, more socially polished look-alike twin sister, Jeannette. But when Jeannette refuses to go through with the ceremony mere minutes before it is to begin, soft-spoken Violet finds herself walking down the aisle and taking vows in her sister’s place. Soon shy Violet is a high-society wife, trying to keep her real identity a secret while living out the fantasies of her wildest dreams.  Adrian thinks he knows exactly what he’s gotten himself into: Jeannette may be flighty and, well, a bit self-involved, but she’s the picture-perfect wife to carry on the Winter name. Yet this marriage of convenience brings the groom more than he bargained for when he finds his sweet, innocent wife surprising him at every turn. And though he never planned on true love, Adrian is definitely in danger of losing his heart.

related: This is a very interesting present!

Putting decaf in the regular coffee pot? Now that’s just evil taken a step too far.

The decaf’s response:

recent: The British version of the above note

Writes Sarah in Oregon: “My son was required to give a Valentine to every student in his class, whether they were a friend or not. I found this one among the pile. Obviously, Megan isn’t a friend.” (But maybe his super-mega-crush?)

related: What a heartbreaker

xoxo, PAN

related: Valentine’s Day break-up heartbreak