Rage Against the (Coffee) Machine

February 16th, 2012 · 77 comments

Putting decaf in the regular coffee pot? Now that’s just evil taken a step too far.

To the person putting decaf coffee into the 'regular' coffee pot: I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you I don't have money. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you stop putting decaf into the regular coffee pot now, that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don't, I will look for you, and I will find you. - Edin Good Luck!

The decaf’s response:

recent: The British version of the above note

 
 

→ 77 CommentsFILED UNDER: coffee · Michigan · most popular notes of 2012 · not-so-veiled threats · office


Happy Valentine’s Day, Airhead

February 15th, 2012 · 70 comments

Writes Sarah in Oregon: “My son was required to give a Valentine to every student in his class, whether they were a friend or not. I found this one among the pile. Obviously, Megan isn’t a friend.” (But maybe his super-mega-crush?)

To: Megan From: Jacob. What's your problem?!

related: What a heartbreaker

 
 

→ 70 CommentsFILED UNDER: kids · Valentine's Day


Happy Valentine’s Day!

February 14th, 2012 · 52 comments

xoxo, PAN

Happy Valentine's Day! Your morning sex woke me up. Keep it down, or I will continue to let all your neighbors know you're a groaner in bed. With love, your neighbour

related: Valentine’s Day break-up heartbreak

 
 

→ 52 CommentsFILED UNDER: Calgary · heart · neighbors · sex sex sex · signed with love · Valentine's Day · xoxo


The milk chocolate…not in your hand

February 12th, 2012 · 32 comments

There’s a vending machine troll on the loose in Chicago!

My Peanut M&Ms got stuck, so I'd either like my 80 cents back or my peanut M&Ms. Thanks! Deanna Response: I GOT 2 PEANUT M&Ms FOR THE PRICE OF 1! WHAT A GLORIOUS WEDNESDAY!

related: The Candyman Can’t

 
 

→ 32 CommentsFILED UNDER: candy · Chicago · smartass · vending machine drama


Meet the World’s Crankiest Roommate

February 9th, 2012 · 231 comments

If the 21 notes you’ve already posted around the house haven’t made a difference…do you really think the 22nd is going to be the one that finally clicks? Just a thought!

The party stops as soon as you walk in

No one wants to walk in a pool when we're not in a pool

We're not trying to create a big foot

This isn't a closet

We don't want trash in our house

We don't house people who come from the bar

related: The Post-It Wars

 
 

→ 231 CommentsFILED UNDER: blitzkrieg approach · cleaning · dishes · money · most popular notes of 2012 · noise · Ontario · roommates · smoking


The printer doesn’t appreciate your tone.

February 8th, 2012 · 28 comments

If only there were a simple solution to this problem…

PRINTER OUT OF TONER Please use another Printer that has Toner. Because this one doesn't. Don't bother complaining. There are other Printers with Toner. The Splash one is rarely used nowadays. It's lonely. It has excess toner. This message is a waste of toner. PROCRASTINATION.

related: PC Load Letter?!

 
 

→ 28 CommentsFILED UNDER: Houston · most popular notes of 2012 · office · the printer


The Vicar of Glibly

February 6th, 2012 · 29 comments

Spotted by George outside his local church in East London:

The vicarage drive is in constant use. Please consider your ETERNAL SALVATION before parking here without permission!

related: He died for your clip art

 
 

→ 29 CommentsFILED UNDER: God · London · parking · you're like so going to hell


Do any of your little meat-eating friends want a cat?

February 5th, 2012 · 349 comments

You might recall this epic note — the obnoxious vegan roommate who “forbade” her roommate from bringing animal products into the apartment. Our original submitter writes in to say that since that showdown, she decided to move out (in favor of a more omnivore-friendly living environment).

“After almost five months of zero communication,” she reports, “my ex-roomie started texting me out of nowhere. It appears her vegan fanaticism is still putting her at odds with others.”

Hi. I adopted a cat in November. Tried to maintain it on a vegan diet, but all the vets I saw say this is bad. I've decided I want to give it up and get a bunny. I posted a status on FB advertising it for adoption and no one responded. Really don't want it around me anymore. Since you have a primitive diet, would you mind adopting it?

Sorry I don't like cats. Take it to a shelter. Yeah, no. See, that's exactly what I'm trying to AVOID. Do any of your little meat-eating friends want a cat? They either already have pets or don't want any. Sorry. Okay. Thanks for being super useful as always!

related: My self-righteous vegan roommate

 
 

→ 349 CommentsFILED UNDER: cats · frenemies · just an asshole · most popular notes of 2012 · text message · Would you mind?


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