Well, that’s awkward.

August 21st, 2012 · 64 comments

Err, perhaps the division of Facebook friends should have been included in the settlement?

Victoria: I love the fact that driving to work is only five minutes away!!  Colin:And just think of the gas you save too.....!  Shona: While Colin saves a lot of 'gas' by never travelling the six miles to see his children

related: The happiest place on Earth

→ 64 CommentsFILED UNDER: ex drama · Facebook · unnecessary "quotation marks"


“She may need all the help she can get.”

August 20th, 2012 · 30 comments

As it turns out, Maddie didn’t need Grandpa Walt’s “help.” (She just finished up her master’s degree at Harvard in May.)

Dear Mr. Montoya, I have recently become the grandfather of a prospective Vassar student whose name is Madeline, class of ’10, I suppose. Her grandmother, my deceased wife, was “H” (class of ) ’43, and her mother is my daughter, “L” of Warren, Ohio. I thought perhaps you could file this letter away for future reference, so that when and if application is made for entry into the freshman class, someone there will look fondly on her qualifications. She may need all the help she can get. Thanking you for your time, I am very truly yours, Walter

related: Congratulations! At some point, through no effort of your own, you were born.

→ 30 CommentsFILED UNDER: family


This establishment is not “BYOO”

August 19th, 2012 · 56 comments

So, apparently in Cuba, Missouri (pop. 3,071) folks take their onions seriously. (Would any Missourians out there care to explain?)

Attn. Customers This is a restaurant, please do not bring in alcoholic beverages, soft drinks, energy drinks, food, and that includes onions. Thank you, The Owners.

related: Yes, we wash our lemons!

→ 56 CommentsFILED UNDER: restaurant · small town living · WTF?


I love you, Mommy. Your sandwiches? Not so much.

August 16th, 2012 · 36 comments

Rita in Utah was on the phone when her daughter handed her this note (less than a month into the school year). Says Rita: “I love how she tries to ‘soften the blow!’”

Dear Mommy, I Love You...but I want to buy school lunch tomoroe [sic]. thank you!

Gold star, kiddo. There are some adults who could take some note-writing pointers from you.

related: When kids “punish” their parents with the silent treatment

→ 36 CommentsFILED UNDER: food · kids · Mother-daughter notes · not so much passive-aggressive · Utah


The never-ending (and completely unnecessary) battle between basic hygiene and basic courtesy

August 15th, 2012 · 154 comments

Yeah, I get that you don’t want to touch the germy bathroom door handle with your just-washed hands. But that makes tossing your paper towel on the floor okay…how? And this is hardly an isolated problem. To wit:

From Margi’s office in Green Bay, Wisconsin (just click the image to enlarge):

[1st note] To whomever keeps throwing your papertowel on the floor after you use it, please place in trash as that is the appropriate thing to do.  [2nd] People do this because it is NASTY to touch the filthy poop door-handle w/freshly washed hands (DUH!)...placing a trash can by the door is the appropriate thing to do! Poo hands spread disease!  [3] Considering the majority of the paper towel in the can comes from those who wash their hands, I doubt that the door is covered in Poo. Unless, of course there could be people who waddle out of the stall to wipe w/paper towel & put it in the can...I guess I see your point. Anything is possible.

From Edmonton, Alberta:

Oops, you dropped something... your paper towel. Yes, the paper towel receptacle is in the washroom. Please DO NOT drop paper towels between the doors. Not only is this unsightly, it is a safety hazard.

From Brittany’s office in Chicago:

Dear 5th Floor Germ-o-phobe, We know how much you hate touching the bathroom door handle with your bare hands. But guess what we hate? Picking up the used paper towels you drop on the floor EVERY SINGLE DAY.  Maybe you didn't notice, in your hurry to get back to your (not very) important job, but there is a trash can located next to the sink. You should check it out sometime. XOXO, Everyone else who picks up after you

From a hospital in Durham, North Carolina:

Dear PHOBIC INDIVIDUALS: If you have microphobia & need to use paper towels to extract yourself from the men's WC. Please put them in the trash bin & not on the floor. Otherwise, get yourself some serious help and stop polluting our environment. The Management

From Indianapolis:

Out of respect for those of us who use this bathroom everyday, please don't throw the used hand towel that you use to open the door with on the floor behind the door when you are leaving the bathroom. Take it with you and throw it away in a trashcan somewhere. Thanks, we all appreciate it. (Maybe there should be a trash can by the door - what a concept.)

And finally, from Eileen’s office in Cincinnati, Ohio…

Okay — We got the hint.  A trash can has been placed just outside the door for the paper towels you use to open this door. Please deposit there instead of leaving on the floor for someone else to have to pick up.

related: Nobody likes electric hand dryers (except maybe those fancy Dyson ones)

 

→ 154 CommentsFILED UNDER: bathroom · etiquette · garbage · hygiene · office · washing your hands


A recipe for passive-aggressiveness

August 14th, 2012 · 72 comments

Michael in California stumbled across this bit of passive-aggressive pedantry on Food.com.

I am publishing this recipe, because I am sure that there are other families who have members who don't know how or have forgotten how to make ice when the ice tray is empty.

P.S. The reviews = 5 stars.

I was wondering if you had a crock-pot version for this recipe. I work long hours and I just don't have the time to invest in this kind of hands-on cooking, but they really look yummy.

related: Four approaches to ice cube maintenance

That seems...a little bit harsh.

extra credit: Jim Gaffigan on Bottled Water

→ 72 CommentsFILED UNDER: ice · most popular notes of 2012


Please stop hectoring the coffee creamer! (You’re hurting its feelings.)

August 13th, 2012 · 118 comments

If you work in an office that supplies your cream and sugar needs gratis, consider yourself lucky. There’s something about coffee creamer that sends folks off the deep end…

Apparently in some unknown language my name means "help yourself to my creamer without permission and ignore the part where it reads don't touch!"

P.S. If you’ve thought of a different tactic, it’s probably been tried before.

BREAST MILK Drink at your own risk

related: Coffee, mate?

→ 118 CommentsFILED UNDER: all-staff e-mail · CAPS LOCK · office fridge · Orlando · stealing


Canadian is Angry; Still Says “Thank You”

August 12th, 2012 · 18 comments

Rachael in Edmonton spotted this billboard-on-wheels in the lot at the RV dealership where she works. “The guy was buying a trailer from us, but after seeing seen his van, I’m not so sure that’s a good idea.”

Thank you, Crysler Canada & Crosstown Motors for selling me the most unreliable vehicle I have ever owned!  2.5 year old Sprinter Van now for sale - Only been towed 1,2,3, 4 times - Only been in for repairs 1,2,3,4, 5 times - Replaced Tires 1st year - Replaced battery 2nd year - Replaced radiator fan assembly - Replaced Alternator and cables - Rusting everywhere - Many other problems included ... (no extra charge)

After all, you wouldn’t want a full-blown Canadian protest on your hands…

related: Good God, Lemon.

extra credit: A Canadian robbery [CTVNews.ca]

→ 18 CommentsFILED UNDER: Canada · car · Edmonton · public shaming · thanks (but not really)


If you’ve worked in retail, you can probably relate

August 8th, 2012 · 114 comments

Writes Stephanie in Houston: “Looks like someone got a little tired of folding shirts.”

SHIRTS ALL SIZE LARGE ALL JUST ALIKE

related: Thanks for NOT shopping here!

→ 114 CommentsFILED UNDER: Houston · retail hell


The companion sport to Olympic race walking?

August 7th, 2012 · 31 comments

Because dribbling isn’t such a useful skill outside of basketball…

The Olympics have started and we get to witness inspirational athletic accomplishments each day. Against this back drop, surely we as a team of professionals on the 14th floor can CONSISTENTLY HIT THE URINAL! It is not that hard folks. If for some reason you struggle (and clearly at least one us struggles every day), just sit down. This is disgusting and it is within our ability to keep the place clean.

Somehow I don’t think suggesting people sit down at the urinal is the answer, though.

Perhaps something a bit more Olympic in spirit?

related: Well, that seems (uri)logical enough

extra credit: Urinal Games [youtube.com]

→ 31 CommentsFILED UNDER: office · piss · Pittsburgh · toilet