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Revenge: a dish best served chilled?

December 11th, 2012 · 74 comments

Our submitter in Texas — where we are currently experiencing out annual three days of winter — spotted this note posted yesterday on the office fridge. “I know who ate the ‘chili,’” our submitter claims, “because I heard her comment on how she knew it must be organic because the true owner was a hippie.”

DEAR CHILI THIEF: The first time you stole & ate my bowl of chili it was chili. The second time it was dog food. Hope you enjoyed. Sincerely, your friend in payback

related: Don’t get mad, get creative!

extra credit: The Original Fridge Locker

→ 74 CommentsFILED UNDER: food · most popular notes of 2012 · oh snap · revenge · stealing · Texas

Sink squatters

December 10th, 2012 · 23 comments

Spotted, appropriately enough, in New York’s Theater District (though I guess Hell’s Kitchen would have made sense, too):

I've been here since Monday. How about you? I got here last week. I'm staying. Me too. I'm never leaving. Let's make salmonella.

related: Toy Story meets The Office

→ 23 CommentsFILED UNDER: anthropomorphism · dishes · New York · office

It helps to have friends in high places

December 9th, 2012 · 42 comments

Writes Rob in Brighton: “We live on a middle-class urban street with too many cars and people who think they have a God-given right to a place. Sometimes people push their luck and make life difficult for others with their parking, and hilarity ensues.” One Sunday, Father Kevin even got in on the action…followed by his boss.

You have parked your car like an idiot!  You are blocking the (obvious) entrance to the Church Car Park — today (Sunday) it would be in continuous use. You've parked well on to the double yellow line. —Father Kevin (Parish Priest)   You are Forgiven. Love, Jesus

Meanwhile, in South Carolina…

Everytime you steal this parking spot you kill a kitten Do you want to be a kitten killer? Jesus is watching

related: Your car has been “baptized”

→ 42 CommentsFILED UNDER: Jesus · parking · U.K.

Fish cookies, anyone?

December 6th, 2012 · 60 comments

It was a Friday and Meredith in Lexington, Massachusetts was pretty much running on auto-pilot when she made the mistake of microwaving leftover tacos for lunch — FISH tacos. Much to her horror, Meredith says, “The smell immediately permeated the office and got everyone talking and wondering who had committed one of the worst office kitchen taboos — second only to burned microwave popcorn.”

In an attempt to make things right, Meredith says, “I then asked some software engineers, who like to bake frozen cookie dough in the toaster oven, if they would help me cover up my secret shame by baking some sweet-smelling cookies. This is the note they left for all to see.”

Trust us, this smells better than Meredith's burnt fish lunch. (She sits that way ?). She is very sorry and will never do it again!

related: To spray or not to spray?; Eau dear

→ 60 CommentsFILED UNDER: etiquette · fish · Massachusetts · microwave · odor · office · oh no you didn't · public shaming

And that’s why they call me the Nutcracker

December 5th, 2012 · 28 comments

Hannah spotted this bit of holiday cheer at the Southern Christmas Show in Charlotte, North Carolina. While the other vendors were busy handing out free samples and entertaining kids, this fellow was “keepin’ it Southern.”

The next time someone pulls OFF by bugle... I'm replacing it with a shotgun!

related: Merry Terry says enjoy this tree!

→ 28 CommentsFILED UNDER: Christmas · holiday spirit · North Carolina

No drama!!!

December 4th, 2012 · 48 comments

Yes, Lorraine, admits, she works long hours at her job. And no, her mother hasn’t been over to her house in a while…but neither has anybody else. Nice of her Mum to refrain from DRAMA[!!!] about it though, right? (Krystle Gale, I’m guessing you can relate.)

Have a Great Day! On your Birthday! Had to send it at work! I have been SO MANY TIMES in your place, I DONT KNOW THE RIGHT NUMBER. No Drama!!!

related: So, Mom, what you’re telling me is to cover up with a latex catsuit?

→ 48 CommentsFILED UNDER: Australia · birthday · exclamation-point happy!!!! · guilt trip · Moms & Dads · Mother-daughter notes

Are you Facebook friends with your landlord?

December 3rd, 2012 · 59 comments

Ryan’s friend M is “…very direct, let’s say.” So when her property management company sent Facebook friend requests to her and her housemates — after ignoring countless communications about various maintenance issues — Ryan knew the results would be “interesting, let’s say.”

no problem! i did it because you're useless and ignore my texts and emails so i thought i would try this. fix our shower! its been broken since we moved in!

related: Well, that’s one way to get your landlord’s attention

→ 59 CommentsFILED UNDER: Facebook · landlords and property managers · public shaming · smiley · Wales

Read the writing on the wall

December 1st, 2012 · 29 comments

Jesse in Iowa says that the unisex bathroom at a local bar/coffee shop has long played host to a running debate about the need to raise or lower the toilet seat. Recently, another Sharpie-wielding sheriff stepped in with this contribution. My question: Was the writer a child, or a truck driver?

Only children and truckdrivers write on the walls. If you value this place please stop.

Meanwhile, Tom spotted this offensive leap of logic at a bar in Waco, Texas.

Writing Graffitty [sic] on the Men's Room wall is a rather stupid act. — All you're saying is I'm truly a hopeless perverted homo!

Of course, as Heather in Kentucky noticed, women can be just as offensive and illogical when it comes to their bathroom-stall musings.

Little girls who write on bathroom walls are common whores. Any whore who ?'s a guy in a bathroom is gross Fish Twat Sluts. So is whoever wrote this ? Grow up.

For the really crude stuff, though, you’ve got to turn to a Canadian.

related: An artistic phallacy

extra credit: Public Toilet Survival Kit

→ 29 CommentsFILED UNDER: bar · bathroom · graffiti · grow up

Better late than never?

November 29th, 2012 · 51 comments

At first glance, I thought this was one of those ads in the back of a high school yearbook, but no — Katie in Galveston, Texas actually spotted this in the  pages of the local newspaper.

Happy Birthday Krystal Gale. 35 years old today. My special daughter, makes me so glad to have you in my life. But I wish you would call or text more to me. Your Mom, So many thoughts about you and me together, My Shadow. Better Late than never.

related: My parents, the loan sharks

Happy Valentine’s Day to my son…and the harlot with whom he’s living in sin

extra credit: “Woman Has Bizarre Ability To Share Details About Personal Life With Parents” []

→ 51 CommentsFILED UNDER: birthday · guilt trip · Moms & Dads · Mother-daughter notes · newspaper · public shaming

A notice from the Department of Unnecessary Euphemisms

November 28th, 2012 · 49 comments

I can only imagine the search queries that went into locating this delightful bit of clip art, which now decorates the ladies’ room at a medical school in Philadelphia. Now pour Lady Sansa some wine.


related: The Shark Week Scriptures

extra credit: Public Toilet Survival Kit

→ 49 CommentsFILED UNDER: bathroom · clip art catastrophe · hygiene · office · Philadelphia