Which of these urinal notices do you find most troubling?

This one, from a London nightclub?

This one, from a construction site in New York City?

This one, from a campground in Russellville, Arkansas?

Or this one, from an office in Redmond, Washington?

P.S. “Sausage dump” wasn’t a euphemism.

(Thanks to Dylan, Paul, David and Lucy for submitting!)

related: Why I hate Miami

“When I first moved to Chicago,” says Mike, “my grandfather told me about parking in the winter. One would dig out a spot and insert a chair, reserving the spot for your trouble.” One of his neighbors, it seems, didn’t get the benefit of such grandfatherly wisdom.

Neither, apparently, did Chris…who made the mistake of parking in an empty space outside his friend’s house in Chicago for few hours. When he got home, he found this note affixed to his mirror with glue.

And of course, Chicago isn’t the only city that takes its snow-shoveling etiquette seriously.

Just ask Anna in New Jersey…

Or Brooke in Indianapolis…

Or Amy in Washington, D.C…

Or Larry in Silver Spring, Maryland…

Or Kristin in Pittsburgh…

Olivia in Albany…

Or Chris in Boston…where they’re always keepin’ it classy.

related: Boston, a place for friends

“I don’t even like cats,” our submitter in San Francisco admits, “but reading the note made me want to go inside to see what someone would be so inclined to steal.”

related: Do not kiss on someone else’s kiss

Aleister in London found this critique slipped under his door after an impromptu Thursday night sing-along.  “I am a big fan of my neighbours’ critical opinion,” Alastair says. “I won’t offer much defense other than that our music selection was exceptional and I was on my way to work when I found it.”

Well done, Flat 3. Dry wit, a soft touch, and lovely handwriting? This is one note that definitely deserves a place of honor on the fridge.

If you absolutely must write a note, I’d say this is how to do it.

related: It was an ironic dance party, okay?

“Some serious shit must have gone down with the previous office toaster,” says our anonymous submitter from Canada. (Maybe it was left without wearing any socks or shoes?)

Meanwhile, Marilyn in Pittsburgh says that her office lunchroom has inexplicably gone through nearly half a dozen toasters over the past year. “It’s unclear as to what keeps happening to them, but nonetheless, we keep having to replace them.” Within a few days of the latest model’s appearance, it seems that tensions are already running dangerously hot.

Please, won’t somebody think of the toast?!

related: Especially Deborah

extra credit: sad toast [etsy.com]

Alex and his wife, Kathy, have an 18-month-old son who, among other his hobbies, enjoys pulling off his socks and shoes at any opportunity. (Perhaps he’s a future marathon-running superathlete. Or, you know, a normal 18-month-old.)

Recently, Kathy took her son with her on a trip to the store in their hometown of Las Vegas (temperature: a bone-chilling 64 degrees). When she came back to the car, she found this helpful bit of parenting advice waiting on her windshield.

related: Oh, the Rancher and the McMansioner should be friends

As a Valentine’s Day gift to you all, I present you with this epic love story (which Teddie in Minneapolis discovered pinned to the bulletin board in his apartment building).

Teddie’s love note to this love note: “I love that this person (he? she?) used commas, ellipses, and possibly a semicolon, but no periods. I also love how the all-caps rant in the middle segues into a plea to be Myspace friends again with an offhand ‘anyway.’ Also, what happened to her dad?”

Oh, Charles. You are so SUPER ATTRACTIVE I can hardly help myself. Deseray doesn’t know what’s she missing!

related: perfect for each other