This cereal is now yours to control.

August 30th, 2012 · 92 comments

Samantha‘s note about her Kindle seems to have hit a nerve with many of you. As commenter ae wrote, “The ‘it’s MY Kindle you know’ line would have gotten me the “Oh, did you pay for it with your own money?’ line from my parents.”

Well, Lea in Los Angeles seems to come from that same school of parenting. When she and her husband found this demand stuck to the cereal box this morning, they decided to teach their daughter, Chela, a little lesson.

This cereal is now yours to control.

related: My evil Mom

→ 92 CommentsFILED UNDER: cereal · kids · Moms & Dads · money · most popular notes of 2012 · oh snap · rebuttals · smiley


Well, at least she reads?

August 29th, 2012 · 153 comments

Our submitter passes along this bratty-but-pretty-much-toothless note written by her niece, Samantha. Explains our submitter: “Yellow Fang’s Secret is a book in the ‘Warrior’ series (about clans of cats). It isn’t actually going to be published until October.”

Not Dear-Mommy. We will not do anything you want until you do what we want. Which is - DUH - getting Yellow Fang's Secret for my Kindle. It's my Kindle, you know. If you don't I will not get out of my school clothes and both Sophie and I will not leave our room. not-so-love, Samantha, and Sophie!! !! !! !!

related: More not-so-threatening threats by kids

extra credit: “Why Are American Kids So Spoiled?” [newyorker.com]

→ 153 CommentsFILED UNDER: kids · Mother-daughter notes · sad face


Do you have a conscience?

August 28th, 2012 · 37 comments

Visiting her friend’s apartment for the first time, Kristin in New York City couldn’t help but notice that the entryway was completely covered with ALL CAPS notes from the building’s landlord. Among her favorites was this meta-monstrosity.

Says Kristin: “I love how his tone is over-the-top aggressive, but his actual threat isn’t that scary, given that, as far as I could tell, he’s the only one putting up signs.”

NOTICE WARNING For the last time! Do Not EVER take down/move any sign I put up!! If this EVER happens AGAIN, I will take down ANYTHING on any hallway WALL or DOOR that I did not put up. LAST REMINDER (which should not be necessary!!) DON'T EVER TOUCH ANY SIGN I PUT UP OR ANYTHING in the main floor hallway (THAT BELONGS TO ME)!! Thank you, Abbott

Another of Kristin’s favorites was this one, about water usage. “I’m not sure how overuse of water in New York impacts people in Haiti, but OK!”

Do you have a conscience? Think of all the many Haitians who are dying for just a drop of the water you are wasting. Remember God sees all! THINK!!!

related: Love, the Landlord

→ 37 CommentsFILED UNDER: CAPS LOCK · guilt trip · landlords and property managers · New York · warning


Which response is classier?

August 27th, 2012 · 48 comments

These two different approaches to the same problem were submitted within minutes of each other.

Exhibit a) From Hipsterville, Brooklyn, Like a Sir, as spotted by Kaitlin:

To whomever is stealing our NY Times each morning, this is your first, last and only warning: stop it! We are legion. We do not forgive. We do not forget. Expect us.

Exhibit b) From Niceville, Minnesota, Killing you with Kindness, as spotted by Bitsy:

Good Morning! I don't mind if you take my newspaper to read — I know you are trying to stay current with the local news — 

related: All the news that’s fit to steal

→ 48 CommentsFILED UNDER: Brooklyn · Minnesota · neighbors · newspaper · stealing


Doo unto others

August 26th, 2012 · 24 comments

This Sunday’s scatological sermon comes to us from Heather in Denver, Colorado:

Poo unto others as you would have them poo unto you.

With a special reading from Lisa in Houston, Texas:

Don't forget to put used toilet paper in the toilet. Please, keep my Father's house clean!

related: A nasty twist on “Man bites Dog”

 

→ 24 CommentsFILED UNDER: Denver · God · Houston · shit · toilet · toilet paper


Soda shaming

August 23rd, 2012 · 48 comments

Well, now that dog shaming is officially a thing…

I wasn’t invited to Shakespeare in the Park so I ate all the Shakespeare off the bookshelf.

…it was really only a matter of time before we moved onto the shaming of non-sentient beings.

I am a FRAUD. I hid in the slot where Dr. pepper is supposed to be so that someone has to buy me and drink my horrible flavor. She took two drinks, cursed me, and made me wear this note in shame.

related: Nutranot-so-sweet

→ 48 CommentsFILED UNDER: beverages · public shaming · San Antonio · vending machine drama


Well, that’s awkward.

August 21st, 2012 · 64 comments

Err, perhaps the division of Facebook friends should have been included in the settlement?

Victoria: I love the fact that driving to work is only five minutes away!!  Colin:And just think of the gas you save too.....!  Shona: While Colin saves a lot of 'gas' by never travelling the six miles to see his children

related: The happiest place on Earth

→ 64 CommentsFILED UNDER: ex drama · Facebook · unnecessary "quotation marks"


“She may need all the help she can get.”

August 20th, 2012 · 30 comments

As it turns out, Maddie didn’t need Grandpa Walt’s “help.” (She just finished up her master’s degree at Harvard in May.)

Dear Mr. Montoya, I have recently become the grandfather of a prospective Vassar student whose name is Madeline, class of ’10, I suppose. Her grandmother, my deceased wife, was “H” (class of ) ’43, and her mother is my daughter, “L” of Warren, Ohio. I thought perhaps you could file this letter away for future reference, so that when and if application is made for entry into the freshman class, someone there will look fondly on her qualifications. She may need all the help she can get. Thanking you for your time, I am very truly yours, Walter

related: Congratulations! At some point, through no effort of your own, you were born.

→ 30 CommentsFILED UNDER: family


This establishment is not “BYOO”

August 19th, 2012 · 56 comments

So, apparently in Cuba, Missouri (pop. 3,071) folks take their onions seriously. (Would any Missourians out there care to explain?)

Attn. Customers This is a restaurant, please do not bring in alcoholic beverages, soft drinks, energy drinks, food, and that includes onions. Thank you, The Owners.

related: Yes, we wash our lemons!

→ 56 CommentsFILED UNDER: restaurant · small town living · WTF?


I love you, Mommy. Your sandwiches? Not so much.

August 16th, 2012 · 36 comments

Rita in Utah was on the phone when her daughter handed her this note (less than a month into the school year). Says Rita: “I love how she tries to ‘soften the blow!’”

Dear Mommy, I Love You...but I want to buy school lunch tomoroe [sic]. thank you!

Gold star, kiddo. There are some adults who could take some note-writing pointers from you.

related: When kids “punish” their parents with the silent treatment

→ 36 CommentsFILED UNDER: food · kids · Mother-daughter notes · not so much passive-aggressive · Utah