My Dad weighs 15 pounds, does not have a job, and likes to wear shirts.

June 26th, 2012 · 87 comments

Jill’s seven-year-old son “made” this for his Dad at school. “We’d like to think the near-complete lack of effort reflects a lack of enthusiasm for school assignments and is not a sign of a profound rift in his relationship with his father,” she says.

“And for the record, my husband is not 20 years old, weights more than 15 pounds and is taller than 2’1″. And he has a job, as a writer. (Which, to be fair, can sure look a lot like “unemployed” sometimes.)

My Dad's Favorites Food: I don't know Dessert: No idea Game to play: ? Sport to watch: hockey on TV Restaurant: Does not have one My favorite memory with my dad is: I don't have one. My dad is the best in the family at: NO ANSWER. At his job, my dad: He does not have a job.  When not at work, my dad likes to: ? My dad is: 20 years old. My dad is: 2 ft 1 in tall. My dad weighs 15 pounds. My dad has gray hair. My dad has black eyes. My dad likes to wear shirts. My dad is special to me because...He is special to me but I don't have a reason.

P.S. The bit at the bottom says: “He is special to me but I don’t have a reason.”

related: “Drunk Mommy”

→ 87 CommentsFILED UNDER: Canada · Father-son notes · kids · Moms & Dads · most popular notes of 2012 · schools & teachers


The rubbish is restless

June 24th, 2012 · 31 comments

Several months from now, I’m guessing this exhibit will still be open for viewing under Mark’s desk in Los Angeles.

Hi Mark, I'm a random paper bag that has sat here for months. I need some exercise. Please walk me outside to a pretty trash can! —brown bag  I'm garbage. I go outside in trash can when I'm full. —Trash  Hi Mark, I'm all alone! Please put me with my friends in the trash can —Plastic Bottle  Hi Mark, Poor me! A lonely empty paper bag just wishing I could be in that other BIG BAG! Pretty please?!?!

related: Toy Story meets The Office

→ 31 CommentsFILED UNDER: anthropomorphism · blitzkrieg approach · garbage · Los Angeles · office


So this is what a “compassionate conservative” looks like?

June 21st, 2012 · 108 comments

Jen in Concord, Massachusetts is pretty sure she has a Romney supporter to thank for the friendly note left on her car during a recent trip to Target.

Dear Friend, Someone defaced your car w/ an Obama sticker, just thought you should know, hate to see you look like an idiot.

“Fortunately,” she says, “the Obama sticker (which is actually a magnet and very easily removed) was left intact, as was the Darwin fish.”

The sticker

UPDATE: Closer to the election, Samantha was surprised to find a similar (copycat?) note on her car in the President’s hometown of Chicago.

Hi! We noticed that someone vandalized your car and put this Obama bumper sticker on it.  Just making sure you noticed it so you can take it off before you are mistaken for a total dufus. —A good Samaritan

related: Herbie goes to Washington; When Mavericks Attack

→ 108 CommentsFILED UNDER: "helpful" advice · Chicago · Massachusetts · politics


Game of Thorns

June 20th, 2012 · 19 comments

Dear Notewriter: Clearly, you’re not a scholar of Indian religious traditions, so just FYI: “Karma” doesn’t translate from the Sanskrit as “sword-wielding mercenary” or “the guy Liam Neeson played in Taken.”

To the asshole who stole my PLANTS: KARMA WILL FIND YOU AND IT WILL KILL YOU!

(Also, the Knight of Flowers is offended by your insinuations.)

Thanks to Hannah in Oakland for submitting!

related: The Orchid (and Daffodil, and Begonia) Thief

→ 19 CommentsFILED UNDER: die bitch die · flowers, trees, houseplants & gardens · karma's a bitch · Oakland · stealing


How many scientists does it take…

June 19th, 2012 · 37 comments

Two unisex bathrooms; two crops of overly-educated office drones; one shared problem.

IT DOESN'T TAKE A BRAIN SURGENT TO CHANGE THE TOILET PAPER ROLL. SERIOUSLY... [Apparently, though, it takes a Scientist to spell Surgeon correctly.]

Women. Always something to complain about.

(Re: “You can do it with one hand!” Clearly, Natalie knows her audience.)

related: It’s not rocket science.

extra credit: “My dad is a bachelor and this is how he keeps his toilet paper…” [imgur]

→ 37 CommentsFILED UNDER: battle of the sexes · Facebook · toilet paper


Or I’ll call the cops, maybe?

June 18th, 2012 · 18 comments

By the end of the summer, could Carly be the new Kanye of passive-aggressive notes? She does have the Beliebers behind her…

Hey I just met you, and this is crazy, but quit blocking out driveway asshat

related: A little bump and slide

extra credit: Best of the “Call Me Maybe” meme [buzzfeed]

→ 18 CommentsFILED UNDER: most popular notes of 2012 · Oakland · parking


Father’s Day Faux Pas

June 17th, 2012 · 48 comments

Based on the dots between the words (a technique picked up at Montessori School), Lauren in Vancouver estimates she was about six years old when she wrote this note (translation below):

Dad, I am angry because you throwed away your father’s day present. If I catch you doing it again, I will hit you hard. Signed, Lauren.

Dad, I am angry because you throwed away your father's day present. If I catch you doing it again, I will hit you hard. Signed, Lauren.

In her father’s defense, “The gift in question was a giant, brightly-coloured fish made out of paper and stuffed with newsprint,” Lauren says. “I remember finding the ‘present’ in the garbage and putting it back on my father’s desk, which is probably where the threat came in.”

And then, of course, there’s the troll dad approach…

Troll dad does it right

related: An honest Father’s Day card

extra credit: Dads on Vacation [tumblr]

→ 48 CommentsFILED UNDER: Father-daughter notes · kids · Moms & Dads · not-so-veiled threats


Bath Salts are NOT an advisable alternative to cheese sticks.

June 14th, 2012 · 20 comments

Rhiannon in Missouri opened the fridge at work to find this not-at-all-disturbing note from an anonymous office zombie.

To the person who is stealing and eating cheese sticks that are not his or hers. STOP! Did you buy them? No. Solution: Go to the store and get your own. You can't be that hungry. If you are, gnaw the face off a homeless man.

(The perp’s response: “Well, if you say so!”)

related: Who moved my cheese?

→ 20 CommentsFILED UNDER: cheese · most popular notes of 2012 · office fridge


The Go to Hell™ Bouquet

June 13th, 2012 · 19 comments

“My friend and her roommate did not get along at all in college,” says Bryan in Chicago, “to the point where they were only communicating by notes for the last six months they lived together. This is the last note my friend left before officially moving out.”

I cleaned most of the apartment so please keep it tidy while you move out  - Kelsey.  P.S. go to hell

related: When frenemies attack!

→ 19 CommentsFILED UNDER: cleaning · mean girls · p.s. · roommates


My arms are open for you — and your dirty laundry!

June 12th, 2012 · 13 comments

Bill was walking down the street in Madison, Wisconin when he passed this note — complete with a rejoinder from the neighborhood joker — taped to the door of an apartment building. [frowny face emoticon!]

Jeffrey, Your things are by the back stairs.  Do not call or email me. [Jeffrey, My arms are open for you!  -Zac W.]

related: Please pick up your dirty laundry ASAP

→ 13 CommentsFILED UNDER: breakup · way harsh