My arms are open for you — and your dirty laundry!

June 12th, 2012 · 13 comments

Bill was walking down the street in Madison, Wisconin when he passed this note — complete with a rejoinder from the neighborhood joker — taped to the door of an apartment building. [frowny face emoticon!]

Jeffrey, Your things are by the back stairs.  Do not call or email me. [Jeffrey, My arms are open for you!  -Zac W.]

related: Please pick up your dirty laundry ASAP

→ 13 CommentsFILED UNDER: breakup · way harsh


We can put a man on the moon, but…

June 11th, 2012 · 33 comments

This [plagiarized] note comes to us from a staff restroom at NASA’s Johnson Space Center. “This is just great,” says our submitter. “We can put a 7-degrees-of-freedom robotic arm in space that can build a space station, but we can’t get a ‘wall robot’ to work…or even send in a work order request to get it fixed.”

Thank you...motion sensor hand towel machine. You never work, so I just end up looking like I'm waving hello to a wall robot.

Neil DeGrasse Tyson, would you care to test out this motion sensor hand towel machine for yourself?

Aaaaand…there you have it.

related: It’s not rocket science.

extra credit: “Nice Work If You Can Get It” [This American Life]

→ 33 CommentsFILED UNDER: bathroom · Houston · office · thanks (but not really)


A one-two brunch

June 10th, 2012 · 39 comments

Writes Jennifer in Denver: “At the restaurant where I work, my co-worker has had some issues with the cooks not reading his tickets correctly.” (Apparently, Scott’s not one for the “you catch more flies with honey” approach.)

EGGS BENEDICT: PLEASE DON'T FUCK IT UP THIS TIME

related: How NOT to earn great restaurant tips

→ 39 CommentsFILED UNDER: Denver · restaurant


The Silent Treatment

June 8th, 2012 · 68 comments

Tom’s daughter, Meg, was upset that her mother made her a grilled cheese sandwich for dinner, so she wrote this note to inform her mom of her “punishment.”

Sorry Mom but you knew I do not like cheese I am not going to talk!

Meanwhile, in Salt Lake City, six-year-old Elizabeth tried a similar approach. Her parents were so amused they’ve held on the note for decades since then.

I have taped my mouth shut so I won't have a crying fit. I hope you're happy I really do mom and dad

When I have kids, I really hope I can manipulate them into this sort of thinking…

related: Buckets of my Tears

→ 68 CommentsFILED UNDER: cheese · kids · Moms & Dads · most popular notes of 2012


Oh, and about that “cheese” in your Vegemite & Cheese sandwich…

June 6th, 2012 · 55 comments

At Tazza’s office in Sydney, someone (not Harold, that much we know) was so offended by a coworker’s half-made cup of instant coffee that he or she felt obliged to leave this note.

This is NOT coffee! Why are you doing this to yourself? :-|

related: Rage Against the (Coffee) Machine

extra credit: Men Being Jerks to Their Wives about Coffee [youtube]

extra extra credit: Who Made That Kraft Single? [nytimes.com]

→ 55 CommentsFILED UNDER: Australia · coffee · office · Sydney · unsolicited feedback


Flowcharts for a positive apartment-sharing experience

June 5th, 2012 · 56 comments

Four roommates, a half-gallon of stolen ice cream, and 9 months worth of unflushed toilets went into the making of these two flowcharts.

Refrigerator flowchart

Bathroom Flow Chart: for a positive lavatory experience!

related: Hover & Flow(chart)

→ 56 CommentsFILED UNDER: battle of the sexes · flow chart · food · fridge · most popular notes of 2012 · Ohio · roommates · toilet


Hockey loogies

June 4th, 2012 · 24 comments

Our submitter, Amanda, occasionally skates at an ice arena where an NHL and several college hockey teams practice. As a result, she says, “it smells like sweaty feet all of the time” — and apparently, most visible surfaces are also covered with spit.

Adds Amanda: “My favorite parts of this note are a) the awesome word art, and b) the idea that they have to stop spitting on the walls only because of recent health concerns.”

MEDICAL ALERT: Due to recent health concerns, spitting in waste receptacles, on the floor &/or walls is just not acceptable. Thanks for cooperating!

related: My boss spits his chew in my trash can!

→ 24 CommentsFILED UNDER: spitting · that's unhealthy


To spray or not spray?

June 3rd, 2012 · 73 comments

At our submitter’s office in Fort Worth, the third-floor ladies room has an ongoing problem. “Every single day,” our submitter explains, one particular person uses the facilities and then sprays enough perfume to kill a cow…as if you could cover that smell.”

And yet, given the abundance of pro-sprayers in charge of office ladies’ rooms, I’m afraid this is bound to remain another one of those never-ending workplace disagreements.

If you "poo" in the "loo"....Please don't spray perfume, because it still smells "ewww". (There is nothing worse than perfumed poo. The "poo" smell is still there, but not we have another assault on our poor nose.) We 'poo' too.... It's OK.... Really.....

related: Have you tried Giant Migraine™ scented air freshener?

→ 73 CommentsFILED UNDER: Dallas/Fort Worth · ellipses-crazed · message to all intended for one · odor · shit


Or…how about no signs at all?

May 31st, 2012 · 37 comments

Scoffs our submitter in Los Angeles: “Because as a healthy, functioning, adult, you really need to be reminded that you’re a good person for cleaning up after yourself.”

Can we put up any positive signs?

related: Three never-ending office arguments

→ 37 CommentsFILED UNDER: Los Angeles · microwave · office · rebuttals


Really? You couldn’t just stick with carnations?

May 30th, 2012 · 42 comments

“Apparently my dear Dad was the glue that held our family together, because it has totally disintegrated after his passing in 1999,” writes our submitter in Massachusetts.

After years of putting up with “greedy demands, backstabbing, and sheer fuckery amongst the moochers in the clan,” our submitter recently visited her father’s grave to discover this unsigned note perched on top. (Underneath it, she presumes, her Dad was rolling over.)

Really? You couldn't just stick with carnations?

related: For sale, cemetery plot, never used.

→ 42 CommentsFILED UNDER: family · signed with love · that's disrespectful