Right…that seems like a logical response.

March 13th, 2012 · 49 comments

Dave in London returned home one day to find all of his clothes missing. Apparently, this was his roommate’s rationale.

When you slam the door I woke up and feel deprived of sleep all night. Therefore I took your clothes. I hope you got the point.

related: “Dollar sign flower slams easily”

→ 49 CommentsFILED UNDER: door-slamming · London · roommates


Your “constructive” criticism is a little off-putting

March 12th, 2012 · 67 comments

This was the “constructive criticism” Peter received from a classmate on his latest creative writing assignment. (Doesn’t it make you really want to read the whole paper?)

This paper is very choppy and unclear. It is written more like a long winded rant in you exact manner of speaking than an essay. You tend to make run-on sentences and overuse commas, on top of including minute details which make the paper boring & dry, which is a bummer since the topic is interesting. You also tell it in a very arrogant manner, it seems like you think you're really cool for this. Try not to sound like you're such a special snowflake, it's very off-putting.

related: So you were hoping to get an A for “asshole-like entitlement?”

 

→ 67 CommentsFILED UNDER: college life · Iowa · most popular notes of 2012 · way harsh


Hello, 911? My neighbors are loud walkers!

March 11th, 2012 · 154 comments

Writes Chelsea in Colorado: “This is just hilarious. Their bass shakes our floor at all hours on a pretty much daily basis, but they’re upset because…we walk loudly?”

Hi, As much as I understand your guys' frustration with our loud music on the weekends, (which by the way you've made clear through your stomping) it IS within the

related: How now, Mad Cow?

→ 154 CommentsFILED UNDER: college life · Colorado · neighbors · noise · non-apology apology · smiley


Grow an orange tree and grow up.

March 8th, 2012 · 38 comments

Oh goody, this argument again!

TOO MUCH NASTY COCA-COLA NOT ENOUGH OJ! O.J has been set free! Take a stab at it :) What? This is a Coke machine! Grow an orange tree and grow up. While we're all voicing our idiotic opinions, may I suggest that this machine carry booze? Think on it. 4LOCO mofo!

related: Enough with the fruit juices and diet sodas!

→ 38 CommentsFILED UNDER: beverages · Coke · most popular notes of 2012 · note wars · vending machine drama


The Internet is leaking.

March 7th, 2012 · 32 comments

The Office, at an office in New York City…

Meanwhile, in Atlanta, the crazy nastyass honey badger and his friends throw a party, neighbors be damned.

Noise complaints? HONEY BADGER DON'T CARE

related: Kanye interrupts this note

→ 32 CommentsFILED UNDER: noise · recycling · shameless meme-mongering


Well, that’s terrifying.

March 6th, 2012 · 35 comments

Though this may look like the the bloody rantings of a serial killer, Tino in Stuttgart, Germany says this was simply his flatmate’s way of stating his displeasure at the ongoing lack of parity in toilet-paper purchasing.

(Tino’s rough translation: YOU ASSES[,] BUY SOME TOILET PAPER.)

IHR ÄRSCHE KAUFT KLOPAPIER

And my favorite part…

IHR ÄRSCHE KAUFT KLOPAPIER

related: Comrades, take notice!

→ 35 CommentsFILED UNDER: Deutsche · Germany · heart · roommates · toilet paper


Debbie downed ’er

March 4th, 2012 · 53 comments

Debbie, Debbie, Debbie…what are we going to do with you? Your coworkers seem a bit incensed.

Not Debbie's

Don’t worry, Deb — this one’s all yours

 

related: Especially Deborah

→ 53 CommentsFILED UNDER: blitzkrieg approach · food · Hawaii · most popular notes of 2012 · office fridge


Sincerely, Commando

March 1st, 2012 · 51 comments

“I love my neighbor’s passion,” says Del in Chicago. “This is totally something I would do.”

Hmm, Del. To which of  your two neighbors are you referring?

To the Fucking Asshole that stole all of my underwear: This is the 2nd time that this has happened. Yes, they are nice underwear, yes, they are expensive, but why can't you just go to Cram on Broadway and buy your own?  I am going to do everything in my power to find you, and I'm going to fuck your world up.  I am going to sand paper fist fuck your asshole.  Get ready for a world of pain mother fucker.  Sincerely, Commando

related: Panty raid!

→ 51 CommentsFILED UNDER: Chicago · laundry · most popular notes of 2012 · not-so-veiled threats · stealing


The Window of Shame

February 28th, 2012 · 54 comments

Ashley and her husband were visiting her in-laws in a small town in Michigan when she spotted this old-school wall of public humiliation in the local pizzeria/video store.

Says Ashley: “What amazes me is that a town with a population under 1600 has this many people who owe significant amounts of money to a video store.” (Also amazing? That this video store is actually still in business.)

!!WINDOW OF SHAME!! — Do you make your family/friends proud — This is a list of people that OWE more than $50.00

related: Roadside intervention

→ 54 CommentsFILED UNDER: Michigan · money · public shaming · small town living


This is a hereby declared a gluten-free breakroom!

February 27th, 2012 · 64 comments

Heidi says what started off as a simple request turned into a whiteboard snark-off at the natural foods store where she works in (where else?) Portland.

Can we get a bagel slicer for the breakroom, please? i.e. a knife? bagels are bad for you eat your green beans instead.

[FIXED]

Put a bird on it!

related: Your punishment for forgetting your reusable bags

extra credit: Day in the Life of a Passive-Aggressive Vegan Grocery Store Clerk [mcsweeneys.net]

→ 64 CommentsFILED UNDER: food · Oregon · Portland · unsolicited feedback