FYI from your neighbors across the way

May 14th, 2012 · 42 comments

Nicola in Edinburgh woke up and opened the shades one morning to discover this message from the flat directly across the street. “After all my flatmates were questioned about what they have been up to last night, we decided it must be the flat next to ours,” she says.

2nd Floor We can see you shagging

related: The Devil’s Orchestra

→ 42 CommentsFILED UNDER: most popular notes of 2012 · neighbors · Scotland · sex sex sex


A diarrhea-only toilet?

May 10th, 2012 · 60 comments

Well, this is a new one.

“Just…wow,” says our submitter in Springfield, Illinois. “I’ve never been told that I have to assess my the consistency of my fecal matter prior to it leaving my body.”

Notice: Due to plumbing issues, please use this stall for

related: How you say diarrhea politely?

→ 60 CommentsFILED UNDER: Illinois · most popular notes of 2012 · shit · toilet


Elevation Frustration

May 8th, 2012 · 28 comments

Ashley says the elevator in this downtown Columbus parking garage has been out of commission for over a week now, forcing those on the upper levels to (egads!) use the stairs.

“The stairwell is, admittedly, quite unpleasant, and is occasionally home to pools of urine,” Ashley says. “But as someone who has never used the elevator for the year that I have been parking there, it’s hard for me to muster sympathy for the writer’s supposed urine-soaked hems. Perhaps he or she should invest in a tailor?”

Attention Buckeye Parking Customers: We really have no intention of fixing this elevator but you may occasionally see us tinkering with it in order to keep up the illusion of customer service. In all seriousness, please feel free to push the elevator button before taking our poorly-lit, damp staircase. And we hope that throughout your day you'll savor the long-lasting smell of urine, which will be coming from your highly absorbent pant cuffs. Thank you for your cooperation, Buckeye Parking Systems

Meanwhile, the people who share this employee parking garage in Los Angeles seem to have become resigned to their fate.

As Candice explains, “There used to be a piece of tape holding the first floor button so it wouldn’t get stuck on random floors. After the city inspector come in, the tape disappeared and instead it was declared (indefinitely) ‘out of service.’”

THE ELEVATOR IS OUT OF SERVICE (WHAT THE FUCK IS NEW)

related: Do your stairs think you’re fat?

→ 28 CommentsFILED UNDER: elevator · now that's management · piss


This discombobulation will not stand.

May 7th, 2012 · 30 comments

“While stopping for our millionth potty break,” a road-tripping Rachel from Atlanta pondered the circumstances that could have inspired this intolerable discombobulation at a Tennessee gas station. “I don’t know what happened,” she says, “but that’s a hell of a lot of exclamation marks!!!”

Discombobulation of the cooler will no longer be tollerated [sic]!!! If you to STOCK or DELIVER, YOU will take out your trash and keep it NICE AND CLEAN!!! NO EXCEPTIONS!!!

p.s. dis·com·bob·u·la·tion, noun — confusion: a feeling of embarrassment that leaves you confused

related: Pain (and disgust) at the pump

→ 30 CommentsFILED UNDER: exclamation-point happy!!!! · gas station · Tennessee


60% of the time it works every time

May 5th, 2012 · 30 comments

Pat in London works for a large office, where, unfortunately for the many java addicts on staff, the coffeemaker has a habit of breaking down. Also, Pat says, “It’s an advertising agency, so there are lots of grammar pedants.” The result?

OUT OF ORDER - engineer called -  I SAID OUT OF ORDER - WHICH MEANS NO YOU CANNOT HAVE A COFFEE - Well...you can try if you feel lucky... - There is another coffee machine on the fifth floor - But no toilets... - Except for the two that are there... - LOUD NOISES - 60% of the time it works every time - Stop wasting VALUABLe office stationary - <--stationery --- WRITE RESPONSIBLY -- Nothing in this place works! -- I prefer tea anyway :(

related: Just be glad you don’t know what’s in the coffee

→ 30 CommentsFILED UNDER: coffee · London · note wars · office · smartass · spelling and grammar police


A belated birthday/thank you card

May 2nd, 2012 · 104 comments

Ashley in Sheffield received this lovely belated birthday card from a neighbo(u)r.

(Nicely done, Laura.)

Dear Ashley, Happy Birthday. Hope you had a great evening. Thanks very much for keeping me awake by you and your friends screaming and shouting in the street. Enjoy your day of sleeping it off. I have to go to work and function on no sleep. Thanks again, Laura.

related: If you were the one who was so drunk or so stupid…

→ 104 CommentsFILED UNDER: birthday · most popular notes of 2012 · neighbors · noise · sleeping · thanks (but not really) · U.K.


Busted by Sir Richard Carlisle

May 1st, 2012 · 51 comments

Matt and his girlfriend were taking a stroll through her parents’ neighborhood (of mostly-legal manor homes?) when they came across this pile of aging newspapers.

“We thought it was good of the employer to be willing to give the delivery boy a chance to explain himself,” Matt says. “However, the sign remains.”

I AM PAYING YOU TO DELIVER MY PAPERS NOT DUMP THEM IN AN ILLEGAL MANOR. GET IT RIGHT, DO YOUR JOB, HAVE SOME RESPECT FOR THE PEOPLE THAT LIVE HERE. PLEASE PICK UP THESE PAPER AND BRING THEM WITH THE SIGN TO MY OFFICE AND WE WILL TALK ABOUT IT. YES I DO KNOW WHO YOU ARE BECAUSE SOMEONE SAW YOU. YOUR BOSS, RICHARD

I AM PAYING YOU TO DELIVER MY PAPERS NOT DUMP THEM IN AN ILLEGAL MANOR. GET IT RIGHT, DO YOUR JOB, HAVE SOME RESPECT FOR THE PEOPLE THAT LIVE HERE. PLEASE PICK UP THESE PAPER AND BRING THEM WITH THE SIGN TO MY OFFICE AND WE WILL TALK ABOUT IT. YES I DO KNOW WHO YOU ARE BECAUSE SOMEONE SAW YOU. YOUR BOSS, RICHARD

related: What’s black, white, and totally over?

extra credit: Arrested Downton

→ 51 CommentsFILED UNDER: I know who you are · newspaper · now that's management · Oregon


Cactus killer, qu’est-ce que c’est?

April 29th, 2012 · 76 comments

She likes her humor like she likes her cactus: dry.

Dear Cactus Killer, Thank you for being so helpful as to water my cactus. No doubt you felt it was in desperate need of TLC, as I seldom seem to pay it any mind whatsoever. However, in being such a super helpy-helperton, you seem to have murdered it, and now I am sad. In the future, please kindly refrain from caring for any sort of plant or plant-like object on my desk. Sadly, a former owner of an awesome catcus [sic]

related: “Just feed me to the cat.”

→ 76 CommentsFILED UNDER: flowers, trees, houseplants & gardens · most popular notes of 2012 · office · thanks (but not really)


A serenity prayer with bite

April 27th, 2012 · 44 comments

Kelli in North Dakota says one of her neighbors plastered the entire building with these notes, directed to a certain wannabe baseball player/bull rider/oral cancer patient.

(Some not-so-fun facts: At 15.3%, North Dakota has the second-highest rate in the country of tobacco-chewing high schoolers. Among North Dakotan adult males, about 1 in 10 chews.)

Dear God, Please do not let me find out who put their chew on my door handle. Grant me the strength to not want to rip their bottom lip off when I find out who it was!

Meanwhile, here in Texas, submitter Katie is unsure whether her neighbors’ cars are being pelted with the likes of Copenhagen or queso. (In Texas, it really could go either way.)

TO WHOEVER IS THROWING DIP ON OUR CARS. I HOPE I CATCH YOU!

related: My garbage can is not your spit cup. 

→ 44 CommentsFILED UNDER: God · neighbors · North Dakota · not-so-veiled threats · Texas · thanks (but not really)


Well, it’s not a horse’s head in your bed…

April 25th, 2012 · 43 comments

Kayla says this message was left in the dorm laundry room after a girl’s clothes disappeared.

(I can just see the snarky follow-ups now…”Awesome! Free goldfish!”)

This is what will happen to you if you take people's clothes.

related: To the asshole that stole all of my underwear…

→ 43 CommentsFILED UNDER: college life · laundry · Ohio · stealing · warning