The Internet is leaking.

March 7th, 2012 · 32 comments

The Office, at an office in New York City…

Meanwhile, in Atlanta, the crazy nastyass honey badger and his friends throw a party, neighbors be damned.

Noise complaints? HONEY BADGER DON'T CARE

related: Kanye interrupts this note

→ 32 CommentsFILED UNDER: noise · recycling · shameless meme-mongering


Well, that’s terrifying.

March 6th, 2012 · 35 comments

Though this may look like the the bloody rantings of a serial killer, Tino in Stuttgart, Germany says this was simply his flatmate’s way of stating his displeasure at the ongoing lack of parity in toilet-paper purchasing.

(Tino’s rough translation: YOU ASSES[,] BUY SOME TOILET PAPER.)

IHR ÄRSCHE KAUFT KLOPAPIER

And my favorite part…

IHR ÄRSCHE KAUFT KLOPAPIER

related: Comrades, take notice!

→ 35 CommentsFILED UNDER: Deutsche · Germany · heart · roommates · toilet paper


Debbie downed ’er

March 4th, 2012 · 53 comments

Debbie, Debbie, Debbie…what are we going to do with you? Your coworkers seem a bit incensed.

Not Debbie's

Don’t worry, Deb — this one’s all yours

 

related: Especially Deborah

→ 53 CommentsFILED UNDER: blitzkrieg approach · food · Hawaii · most popular notes of 2012 · office fridge


Sincerely, Commando

March 1st, 2012 · 51 comments

“I love my neighbor’s passion,” says Del in Chicago. “This is totally something I would do.”

Hmm, Del. To which of  your two neighbors are you referring?

To the Fucking Asshole that stole all of my underwear: This is the 2nd time that this has happened. Yes, they are nice underwear, yes, they are expensive, but why can't you just go to Cram on Broadway and buy your own?  I am going to do everything in my power to find you, and I'm going to fuck your world up.  I am going to sand paper fist fuck your asshole.  Get ready for a world of pain mother fucker.  Sincerely, Commando

related: Panty raid!

→ 51 CommentsFILED UNDER: Chicago · laundry · most popular notes of 2012 · not-so-veiled threats · stealing


The Window of Shame

February 28th, 2012 · 54 comments

Ashley and her husband were visiting her in-laws in a small town in Michigan when she spotted this old-school wall of public humiliation in the local pizzeria/video store.

Says Ashley: “What amazes me is that a town with a population under 1600 has this many people who owe significant amounts of money to a video store.” (Also amazing? That this video store is actually still in business.)

!!WINDOW OF SHAME!! — Do you make your family/friends proud — This is a list of people that OWE more than $50.00

related: Roadside intervention

→ 54 CommentsFILED UNDER: Michigan · money · public shaming · small town living


This is a hereby declared a gluten-free breakroom!

February 27th, 2012 · 64 comments

Heidi says what started off as a simple request turned into a whiteboard snark-off at the natural foods store where she works in (where else?) Portland.

Can we get a bagel slicer for the breakroom, please? i.e. a knife? bagels are bad for you eat your green beans instead.

[FIXED]

Put a bird on it!

related: Your punishment for forgetting your reusable bags

extra credit: Day in the Life of a Passive-Aggressive Vegan Grocery Store Clerk [mcsweeneys.net]

→ 64 CommentsFILED UNDER: food · Oregon · Portland · unsolicited feedback


The slippery slope is slippery

February 26th, 2012 · 53 comments

When it comes to this particular student share house, “It seems that the pure, unadulterated essence of corporate greed is found in forgetting to turn of the tap,” our submitter writes. “Clearly, society is a snarky bitch.”

Louise, not everyone has chosen the same destructive path as you have, mindless corporate MUPPET, and not everyone wants to set the world ablaze with greed, extortion and squander. So please, next time you use the toilet, turn the tap off. Many thanks, Society

P.S. Corporate Muppet, you say?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

related: A not-so-friendly handshake

→ 53 CommentsFILED UNDER: bathroom · roommates · The Earth · U.K.


Keep the changes, you filfthy aminal

February 23rd, 2012 · 31 comments

Co-win-cidentally, these two notes were submitted within minutes of each other. (In my mind, both seem to demand being read with a kindergartner’s lisp.)

Stacey in Alexandria, Virginia spotted this almost-haiku in a high school hallway:

You get on my nervous Stop acting like little kids So lower your voice

Meanwhile, this (just slightly) f-ed up display comes from an office kitchen in New York City:

Clean/ filfthy

related: Colonel Mustard? Meet Major Peteve.

→ 31 CommentsFILED UNDER: cleaning · clip art catastrophe · noise · spelling and grammar police


Very unfortunate, indeed.

February 22nd, 2012 · 55 comments

Our submitter in Ohio came into work recently to find this disturbing notice on the door of the women’s restroom. Even more disturbing? This apparently wasn’t the first time this type of incident has occurred.

Our submitter says a group of coworkers spend all morning trying to figure out the logistics of how this shit went down. “The stall is really not that big,” she says, “and in order to miss the toilet, one would have to be standing, practically leaning on the wall, rotated 90 degrees from the usual use of a toilet…and then somehow not see what happened or subsequently decide not to clean it up.”

Very unfortunate, indeed.

Sadly, I think Drew of Toothpaste for Dinner has a point:

Hey, Guess What!!  If someone's shitting on the floor, they probably aren't going to stop if you shame them with a stall memo.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

related: THE MAD BOMBER: Never Forget!

→ 55 CommentsFILED UNDER: bathroom · bold-underlined-caps · Cleveland · office · shit · that's disgusting · WTF?


(These parentheses are making my brain hurt)

February 21st, 2012 · 38 comments

Michael says this chaotic jumble of parenthetical-underlined-CAPSLOCK has been up since he started working at this California sushi restaurant, much to his amusement.

Adds Michael: “I don’t care how much a customer tips me, I am not going to satisfy all of their needs.” (So, no rice dicks, then?)

WHAT ARE YOU DOING RIGHT NOW? (Personal phone calls during business hours) (Are you bothering others while they are working) (Too much fooling around and not paying attention to the customer) WHAT DO YOU THINK WOULD MAKE YOUR JOB EASIER?!!!! WHAT ARE YOU THINKING? (Taking care of customer) (Direct to customer with a kind and calm voice) (Satisfying all of your customers' needs) DO IT RIGHT NOW! (PLEASE DO NOT BE LAZY) (DO NOT WAIT UNTIL TOMORROW, DO IT NOW

Honestly, it’s that last missing parenthesis that really gets me. Just close it up! Do it now!

related: Under no circumstances shall any chef make a Rice Dick.

→ 38 CommentsFILED UNDER: bizarro spacing · bold-underlined-caps · California · CAPS LOCK · confusion??? · restaurant · You call that punctuation?