Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

January 24th, 2012 · 59 comments

Shaun in Austin spotted this mysterious complaint in the men’s room at his office. (Apparently all of the males employed there are very, very sensitive.)

Is anyone else offended by the douche who uses toilet paper to block the spaces around the door? Does he really think we want to watch him shit?

related: This locker room is a nudity-free zone

→ 59 CommentsFILED UNDER: a little uptight · bathroom · rhetorical question · toilet · toilet paper


Got game?

January 23rd, 2012 · 32 comments

While perusing the magazines at Barnes & Noble, Shelly found this bit of divine snark affixed to the latest XBOX magazine.

Keep Reading You still will be single. - God

Haterz still will hate, I guess?

related: Cigarettes & energy drinks

→ 32 CommentsFILED UNDER: "helpful" advice · California · gaming · God · way harsh


Hey, I was saving that for later!

January 22nd, 2012 · 17 comments

…because if you are saving the contents of your nose for an afternoon snack, feel free to use to office walls for that purpose!

Are you saving these for an afternoon snack? If not, please use a tissue.

related: The bathroom-stall booger epidemic

→ 17 CommentsFILED UNDER: Canada · hygiene · nose-picking · office


Daddy dearest

January 19th, 2012 · 25 comments

Writes Virginia in Sumner, Washington: “Going through a box of old photographs in the attic, I found this birthday card I gave my father when I was five or six. I was a terrible child.”

You should spend more time with me but I love you anyway. Happy Birthday Dad

related: Some daughterly wisdom for Dad

→ 25 CommentsFILED UNDER: birthday · Father-daughter notes · guilt trip · heart · kids · signed with love · xoxo


Your punishment for forgetting your reusable grocery bags

January 18th, 2012 · 46 comments

Writes Kiki in Melbourne: “Have you ever seen a sack act so bitchy and sanctimonious all at once? I can’t believe a plastic bag’s attitude actually started to piss me off!”

Well, Kiki, it could be worse.

related: …and F the Polar Bear!
extra credit: I (don’t) use plastic bags.

→ 46 CommentsFILED UNDER: Melbourne · recycling · The Earth · unnecessary "quotation marks"


It’s not a chore; it’s a date!

January 16th, 2012 · 19 comments

Spotted by Kathy at her office lunchroom in Seattle:

1: Hate to state the obvious...But-Your Mother doesn't work here...Please clean up after yourselves 2: Mom never really did much cleaning. She was kind of a drunk. 3: it shows...

The real sad reality?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZqDzKad2Q3M

 

related: You sure nag like my mother…

→ 19 CommentsFILED UNDER: cleaning · office · rebuttals · Seattle · smartass · Your mother doesn't...


I Can’t Believe It’s Not (My) Butter

January 15th, 2012 · 29 comments

Tommy in Norway isn’t the only one getting butt-hurt over butter.

From the U.K…

I don't know your name, but you have seen stealing my butter. Put it back in the  fridge or I will lick EVERYTHING.

to Australia…

Beck' s butter: Lisa if you touch it ur dead!!!!

to Ireland…

Stop eating our butter, and anything else that is ours.

it’s beginning to look like this butter crisis might be going global.

Meanwhile, in America…

related: A bitter butter battle

→ 29 CommentsFILED UNDER: butter · licking · stealing


Karma Police

January 12th, 2012 · 55 comments

This is what you get when you mess with us:

If you "attempt" to throw something away & miss or if the trashcan is already full & you pile it on top, or if the bag has fallen in & you don't fit it & just add your disgusting garbage to it, then WE HATE YOU! Don't worry about who "WE" are, just worry about cleaning up after yourself. IT IS BAD KARMA to leave your trash lying around!!! <3 the karma police have a nice day! :)

In other words: You’re a creep. You’re a weirdo. What the hell are you doing here? You don’t belong here!

SODA in H2O cups is BAD KARMA

Please help prevent bad karma: DO NOT flush feminine hygiene products.  Place in waste basket.  Thank you, Management.

(Thanks to Bonnie from North Carolina, Eric in California, and Paperback Writer in Pittsburgh for their submissions!)

 

related: Karma’s a bitch.

→ 55 CommentsFILED UNDER: Coke · garbage · have a nice day · karma's a bitch · smiley · toilet


The font loathed round the world

January 11th, 2012 · 40 comments

No matter the hemisphere, Comic Sans gets no love. (This note, however, seems to have inspired a Brazilian copycat.)

Please keep this door closed. Management. Please don't use Comic Sans if you're serious.

Rodolfo’s rough translation from the Portuguese:

Please keep this door closed. Management.

Please don’t use Comic Sans if you’re serious.

related: The original “please don’t use Comic Sans”

→ 40 CommentsFILED UNDER: Brazil · Comic Sans Alert · Copycat


The parenthetical smiley says it all

January 5th, 2012 · 60 comments

Writes our submitter in Dallas: “My ex-roommate is possibly THE most passive-aggressive person I’ve ever met. We’ve reconciled, mostly, but we still have our moments. For example, just after Christmas, she was going out of town and wanted me to look after her cat. She used the same e-mail as an opportunity to say thank you for the Christmas gift my girlfriend and I gave her.

Thanks to you both for the bag; it was lovely. (Might want to get the clearance tag all the way off though first, next time. :) )

related: Thanks for saving me the trouble of writing a thank you note!

→ 60 CommentsFILED UNDER: mean girls · smiley · thanks (but not really)