Debbie downed ’er

March 4th, 2012 · 53 comments

Debbie, Debbie, Debbie…what are we going to do with you? Your coworkers seem a bit incensed.

Not Debbie's

Don’t worry, Deb — this one’s all yours

 

related: Especially Deborah

→ 53 CommentsFILED UNDER: blitzkrieg approach · food · Hawaii · most popular notes of 2012 · office fridge


Sincerely, Commando

March 1st, 2012 · 51 comments

“I love my neighbor’s passion,” says Del in Chicago. “This is totally something I would do.”

Hmm, Del. To which of  your two neighbors are you referring?

To the Fucking Asshole that stole all of my underwear: This is the 2nd time that this has happened. Yes, they are nice underwear, yes, they are expensive, but why can't you just go to Cram on Broadway and buy your own?  I am going to do everything in my power to find you, and I'm going to fuck your world up.  I am going to sand paper fist fuck your asshole.  Get ready for a world of pain mother fucker.  Sincerely, Commando

related: Panty raid!

→ 51 CommentsFILED UNDER: Chicago · laundry · most popular notes of 2012 · not-so-veiled threats · stealing


The Window of Shame

February 28th, 2012 · 54 comments

Ashley and her husband were visiting her in-laws in a small town in Michigan when she spotted this old-school wall of public humiliation in the local pizzeria/video store.

Says Ashley: “What amazes me is that a town with a population under 1600 has this many people who owe significant amounts of money to a video store.” (Also amazing? That this video store is actually still in business.)

!!WINDOW OF SHAME!! — Do you make your family/friends proud — This is a list of people that OWE more than $50.00

related: Roadside intervention

→ 54 CommentsFILED UNDER: Michigan · money · public shaming · small town living


This is a hereby declared a gluten-free breakroom!

February 27th, 2012 · 64 comments

Heidi says what started off as a simple request turned into a whiteboard snark-off at the natural foods store where she works in (where else?) Portland.

Can we get a bagel slicer for the breakroom, please? i.e. a knife? bagels are bad for you eat your green beans instead.

[FIXED]

Put a bird on it!

related: Your punishment for forgetting your reusable bags

extra credit: Day in the Life of a Passive-Aggressive Vegan Grocery Store Clerk [mcsweeneys.net]

→ 64 CommentsFILED UNDER: food · Oregon · Portland · unsolicited feedback


The slippery slope is slippery

February 26th, 2012 · 53 comments

When it comes to this particular student share house, “It seems that the pure, unadulterated essence of corporate greed is found in forgetting to turn of the tap,” our submitter writes. “Clearly, society is a snarky bitch.”

Louise, not everyone has chosen the same destructive path as you have, mindless corporate MUPPET, and not everyone wants to set the world ablaze with greed, extortion and squander. So please, next time you use the toilet, turn the tap off. Many thanks, Society

P.S. Corporate Muppet, you say?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

related: A not-so-friendly handshake

→ 53 CommentsFILED UNDER: bathroom · roommates · The Earth · U.K.


Keep the changes, you filfthy aminal

February 23rd, 2012 · 31 comments

Co-win-cidentally, these two notes were submitted within minutes of each other. (In my mind, both seem to demand being read with a kindergartner’s lisp.)

Stacey in Alexandria, Virginia spotted this almost-haiku in a high school hallway:

You get on my nervous Stop acting like little kids So lower your voice

Meanwhile, this (just slightly) f-ed up display comes from an office kitchen in New York City:

Clean/ filfthy

related: Colonel Mustard? Meet Major Peteve.

→ 31 CommentsFILED UNDER: cleaning · clip art catastrophe · noise · spelling and grammar police


Very unfortunate, indeed.

February 22nd, 2012 · 55 comments

Our submitter in Ohio came into work recently to find this disturbing notice on the door of the women’s restroom. Even more disturbing? This apparently wasn’t the first time this type of incident has occurred.

Our submitter says a group of coworkers spend all morning trying to figure out the logistics of how this shit went down. “The stall is really not that big,” she says, “and in order to miss the toilet, one would have to be standing, practically leaning on the wall, rotated 90 degrees from the usual use of a toilet…and then somehow not see what happened or subsequently decide not to clean it up.”

Very unfortunate, indeed.

Sadly, I think Drew of Toothpaste for Dinner has a point:

Hey, Guess What!!  If someone's shitting on the floor, they probably aren't going to stop if you shame them with a stall memo.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

related: THE MAD BOMBER: Never Forget!

→ 55 CommentsFILED UNDER: bathroom · bold-underlined-caps · Cleveland · office · shit · that's disgusting · WTF?


(These parentheses are making my brain hurt)

February 21st, 2012 · 38 comments

Michael says this chaotic jumble of parenthetical-underlined-CAPSLOCK has been up since he started working at this California sushi restaurant, much to his amusement.

Adds Michael: “I don’t care how much a customer tips me, I am not going to satisfy all of their needs.” (So, no rice dicks, then?)

WHAT ARE YOU DOING RIGHT NOW? (Personal phone calls during business hours) (Are you bothering others while they are working) (Too much fooling around and not paying attention to the customer) WHAT DO YOU THINK WOULD MAKE YOUR JOB EASIER?!!!! WHAT ARE YOU THINKING? (Taking care of customer) (Direct to customer with a kind and calm voice) (Satisfying all of your customers' needs) DO IT RIGHT NOW! (PLEASE DO NOT BE LAZY) (DO NOT WAIT UNTIL TOMORROW, DO IT NOW

Honestly, it’s that last missing parenthesis that really gets me. Just close it up! Do it now!

related: Under no circumstances shall any chef make a Rice Dick.

→ 38 CommentsFILED UNDER: bizarro spacing · bold-underlined-caps · California · CAPS LOCK · confusion??? · restaurant · You call that punctuation?


Love, Numb Nuts

February 20th, 2012 · 44 comments

Ty — an innocent bystander in this situation — saw this reply note taped to the door of his apartment building in Omaha. “I LOVE it!’ says Ty. Me too, Ty. Me too.

Polite neighbor — Thank You for that lovely note reminding me how crappy my car is...but just for you, I just spent more $ than my car is worth to fix it!! So sleep tight :) Love, Numb Nuts P.S. I really am sorry that you had to hear it. I know how annoying it is, but next time be a little nicer...please.

related: Save the earth, kill the kids?

→ 44 CommentsFILED UNDER: car · heart · neighbors · Omaha · p.s. · smiley · thanks (but not really)


The Bridal Shower Trap

February 19th, 2012 · 37 comments

Perhaps this bride has a fabulous sense of humor, and receiving a trashy romance novel as a wedding gift was a dream come true. However, given that Melanie found this inscribed copy at a Colorado Goodwill — and looks, she says, “completely unread” — Sariah might have preferred say, a toaster.

Sariah — You Are The Husband Trap! Since you are not letting me come to your bridal shower and I can't make the reception in California, I thought I would send you a gift instead. I have never been to a bridal shower before and didn't know what to get you. I hope this will help you and Lehi. You are awesome and Steve is lucky to have you. Congratulations. Sincerely, Your Friend Tyler

P.S. If you’re curious, here’s the Amazon synopsis of The Husband Trap:

Here comes the substitute bride. . . .Violet Brantford has always longed for the passionate embrace of Adrian Winter, the wealthy Duke of Raeburn. Problem is, he’s set to marry Violet’s vivacious, more socially polished look-alike twin sister, Jeannette. But when Jeannette refuses to go through with the ceremony mere minutes before it is to begin, soft-spoken Violet finds herself walking down the aisle and taking vows in her sister’s place. Soon shy Violet is a high-society wife, trying to keep her real identity a secret while living out the fantasies of her wildest dreams.  Adrian thinks he knows exactly what he’s gotten himself into: Jeannette may be flighty and, well, a bit self-involved, but she’s the picture-perfect wife to carry on the Winter name. Yet this marriage of convenience brings the groom more than he bargained for when he finds his sweet, innocent wife surprising him at every turn. And though he never planned on true love, Adrian is definitely in danger of losing his heart.

related: This is a very interesting present!

 

→ 37 CommentsFILED UNDER: Colorado · gift · love & marriage