Tangled

January 4th, 2012 · 242 comments

Julie in Milwaukee has been trying to drag her nine-year-old daughter to get a haircut for ages. The day of the planned trim, Mom found this prize bit of melodrama waiting on her bed.

Mom, Dad I love you but you can't cut my hair if you do I will never forgive you I love my hair and guess you don't love me enough to do what I want for a change [drawings:

related: A Mother’s Day Report Card

 

 

→ 242 CommentsFILED UNDER: guilt trip · hair · kids · Milwaukee · Moms & Dads · most popular notes of 2012 · visual aids


A look back: The Most Popular Notes of 2011

January 1st, 2012 · 37 comments

They stole your food, disrupted your sleep, acted like slobs…and usually somehow managed to blame you. 2011: the year of assholes (and the snarky smartasses who goad them.)

Chief among them, and the landslide winner of the 2011 “douchecanoe of the year” award: the insufferably self-righteous vegan. Not that there wasn’t some stiff competition, of course. Cast your votes in the comments!

Dear whoever stole my Amazon package: I can understand your need for 30 rolls of toilet paper considering you're a huge asshole. Enjoy, Your Friendly Neighbor

Dear Neighbors, I apologize for any loud

Next time, I'll burn the mail.

TO THE INDIVIDUAL OBSESSED WITH DRAWING PENISES: Rest assured that you are the only personal who finds humor in this. While I am glad you are so open in expressing yourself, it is rather distasteful to be depicting to your desires in such great detail on everybody's doors. If you care to enjoy your phallic artwork alone in your own place of residence, that is perfectly fine by me. However, there are a number of students who fail to appreciate your unique style of expression on their property. The next time time you feel the urge to create penises, do it on canvas and take it to an art show. Maybe you'll make some money out of the deal.

Who says Canadians are nice?

DO NOT REMOVE. This is the property of unit 1. We pay rent for this carspace and shall therefore use it for whatever vehicle we want to. [crossed out scribbles]

[Read more →]

→ 37 CommentsFILED UNDER: most popular notes of 2011


Short on New Year’s resolutions? The janitor has a few suggestions for you.

December 30th, 2011 · 39 comments

From the ladies’ room…

New Year's Resolution: I WILL FLUSH THE TOILET AS MANY TIMES AS IT TAKES TO MAKE MY CRAP DISAPPEAR.

And the men’s room…

NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS:  *I will not pee on the floor *I will not pee on the toilet seats *I will not throw paper towels on the floor (either inside or outside the restroom) *I will not leave paper towels (or pieces of them) on the counter

And the men’s room, one day later…

FIXED THAT FOR YOU

related: And a Happy New Year to you!

→ 39 CommentsFILED UNDER: bodily fluids · hygiene · office · toilet


…and F the Polar Bear!

December 29th, 2011 · 56 comments

Jess in St. Louis says this dumpster “is definitely a manifestation of the microcosm of American value clashes that is my block.” Adds Jess: “Hopefully we can all survive the cardboard waste of Christmas in one piece.”

Whoever threw away all that cardboard. Do it again and I'll fill your yard with it. Don't be an Asshole. Recycle. [Response] QUIT Being a Nanny-State, Progressive, Liberal, ASS and try to FORCE me to recycle if I don't want to. FU & F the Polar Bear! And if I catch you in my yard, realize, I support the 2nd Ammendmant [sic]. this was written by someone who choses to recycle.

Whoever threw away all that cardboard. Do it again and I'll fill your yard with it. Don't be an Asshole. Recycle.

QUIT Being a Nanny-State, Progressive, Liberal, ASS and try to FORCE me to recycle if I don't want to. FU & F the Polar Bear! And if I catch you in my yard, realize, I support the 2nd Ammendmant [sic]. this was written by someone who choses to recycle.

related: The right to bear fruit

→ 56 CommentsFILED UNDER: irregular capitalization · neighbors · not-so-veiled threats · politics · recycling · St. Louis · The Earth


Found: Ugly Cat

December 28th, 2011 · 35 comments

Spotted (and Instagram’d) by Cecilia in Pensacola, Florida:

UGLY CAT There is a cat in place that will not leave no matter how poorly I treat it. This means: 1) It is lost 2) It is abandoned 3) It thinks I am a better decorator than you. If you want your cat back describe on next page & leave phone #. If your description matches, come pick up your cat. Bring a stun gun. This *#!$% cat will not leave voluntarily.

related: Scat, fat cat!

extra credit: Chase No Face

→ 35 CommentsFILED UNDER: cats · Florida · neighbors


Thanks for throwing me under the sleigh, kids

December 26th, 2011 · 23 comments

Writes Kristie in Tacoma, Washington: “My kids totally threw me under the bus in order to cover their tails for Santa.”

Dear Santa, I'm sorry there are no cookies. Well my mom didn't want to make any cookies for you. She said that you were on a diet this year. Please don't eat the gingerbread house. Well to have a back up plan for the cookies me and Griffin put out all of are [sic] candy we have. We even put out celery and carrots for Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen, and Rudolph. Well I hope you enjoy the candy and milk. Merry Christmas Santa I will always believe in you. You are very awesome. Sincerely, Natalie, and Griffin

related: Dear Santa, I was wondering you whipped your reindeer.

→ 23 CommentsFILED UNDER: Christmas · family · kids


Mad Santa

December 23rd, 2011 · 27 comments

Writes Mimi in Toronto: “Me being 17 and my brother being 19, we weren’t particularly interested in doing the whole ‘leave Santa provisions’ charade on Christmas Eve. Our mother took offense to our lack of Christmas spirit, and we awoke the next morning to this note, along with some half eaten cookies and carrots.”

Dear Mimi and Ben, What the fuck?! No cookies, drink and carrots for Santa and his reindeer?! What kind of hospitality is that?! Sheesh. Love, Santa P.S. I helped myself thankyouverymuch

related: All I want for Christmas

→ 27 CommentsFILED UNDER: Christmas · family · Toronto


Who says Canadians are nice?

December 21st, 2011 · 86 comments

And here you thought your neighbors were assholes for dumping your dry laundry on a table.

To: The person who stopped the washer in the middle of my wash cycle and took my clothes out just to wash yours... Yeah, You're an asshole. Unfortunately for you, so am I. You can find your wet clothes frozen outside in the snow. Any problems? Come see me in 301.

Kita in Alberta particularly enjoyed the fact that this note — written on the back of a piece of wrapping paper — was stuck to the wall with a smiley-face Band-Aid.

related: Dear nice person who stole my laundry…

extra credit: “How nice are we?” [cbcnews.ca]

→ 86 CommentsFILED UNDER: Canada · laundry · most popular notes of 2011 · oh snap


I just want to know the truth!

December 20th, 2011 · 46 comments

Below: the first of many heartbreaking childhood disappointments to come for Kaeton’s six-year-old cousin, Laylah.

Dear moma and paw, Why didnt you tell me the tooth fairy wasn't real? Why doesn't the tooth fairy come? I asked you what the tooth fairy does with my teeth and you didn't answer me. You just nodded your head and made a funny face. I just want to know the truth! Love, Laylah.

related: Possibly the best Tooth Fairy letters of all time

extra credit: Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus

→ 46 CommentsFILED UNDER: kids · Moms & Dads · signed with love · Texas


Thank You, Merry Terry!

December 19th, 2011 · 24 comments

It’s a PAN miracle! After reaching a hilltop on a holiday hike, Mary in Phoenix found this decorated desert tree.

A gift from Merry Terry of Phoenix

Upon closer inspection, Mary noticed this (only slightly cranky) message from “Merry Terry.”

Merry Terry says enjoy this tree. I expect some help next year.

Altogether now, everyone…

related: Thank You Terry!

→ 24 CommentsFILED UNDER: Christmas · flowers, trees, houseplants & gardens · holiday spirit · Phoenix · WTF?