first up: ami in london spots the fallout over what we can only assume was an onslaught of hungry breakfast bandits.

yup, we’ve got those in the states, too…as molly noticed at a grocery store in the plains, ohio.

adds molly: “why anyone would want to take a single slice of bacon out of a box i can’t really say, but if they needed to post three notes it must have been a pressing issue.” (um, maybe she needed a replacement underwire?) but perhaps she should have checked the lost & found first…

meanwhile, this  post-it (from a mom in florida) and its subsequent responses (from her punctuation-conscious, pork-loving children) bring to mind the oh-so-creepy phenomenon that is thoroughly documented on the stellar blog suicide food.

this note appears to have been written by an actual pig (at least the orwellian kind), but it appears instead to have been penned by the young son of submitter irsh, of the aptly named blog daily piglet. irsh says she found this note taped to the laundry room door when she got home later after her son had already gone to bed. “i’m not sure why he thought i was going to eat the bacon,” she says, “but i have to admit the idea of him not talking to me was briefly appealing.”

happy rosh hashanah, everyone!

related: p.s. bacon is life
extra credit: “bacon bandit arrested”; suicidefood

julia in australia attended a new year’s eve party in an affluent neighborhood. the next morning, after she came to, she realized her digital camera was missing. when she back to search for it, she found this sign posted up all around the local park.

related: oh, the rancher and the mcmansioner should be friends

extra credit: i’ll say sorry, but i’m not taking off my glasses [youtube]

daniel is montreal says his dear grandmother sent him this card in the mail for his birthday. the front of the card (which didn’t scan very well) says: it is not what is visible on the surface but what is deep inside that sustains us.

well, says daniel, “that and guilt.”

related: dear grandma — thanks, i guess; how i “did” my grandma

back in my college newspaper days, the pizzas in the back room always ended up, by the end of the night, completely decimated — some slices had the cheese picked off, others had the crusts nibbled away, and then those slices were oh-so-charitably left in the pizza box, presumably with the idea that some other, slightly more desperate slob would come by later and feast on the picked-over remains.that behavior, it seems, doesn’t stop with graduation.

exhibit a) from chris in new york

exhibit b) from nate in d.c.

exhibit c) from jason in los angeles

exhibit d) from chloe in vancouver

exhibit e) from therese in seattle

related: the bathroom stall booger epidemic

as previously discussed, this hamfisted attempt at wit remains the scourge of retail establishments the world over.

as it turns out, the umpteen-million variations are even more hilariously clever!

for example, while the original version merely confuses a lot of people, this one just seems like a bizarre incentive for child abandonment.

quickly, however, things start to get very un-p.c. (and also…very creepy.)

this version, in fact, is almost as popular as the original. (other examples here and here and here and here and here and…is that a machete?)

child slavery? now that’s comedy gold. but really, why stop there? why not “unattended children will be trafficked into child prostitution”? “unattended children will be sold to pedophiles”? or anally probed? or…

hilarious, right?

related: the “your mother doesn’t work here” of the hospitality industry

writes leslie in london: “janine was having some serious keyboard RAGE and posted this request to our office’s online help desk…which every single person in the company can see…including daniel.”

this post is dedicated to my cube-mate leah, who recently received a surprise “gift” — a quiet-touch keyboard — from our boss, which succeeded in making her feel even more self-conscious about her “loud typing.” (sadly, she observed, the IT department has no solution for the cringe-inducing sound our fellow coworker who insists on clipping her nails at her desk.)

related: suck on this!

shannon in new york saw this note posted on the fence of the nearby community garden while she and her roommate were taking her dog for a walk for.

the thought of a little old lady glued to her binoculars at 4 in the morning, this had them laughing for many prepositional phrases of time.

related: the right to bear fruit

exhibit a) from a share house of would-be flip-cup players in garfield heights, ohio (!!!)

exhibit b) from an office in dallas. writes our anonymous submitter: “everyone in the building knew who was trashing the bathroom, but no one ever confronted the guy directly about it. after about a year, this note went up.” (not surprisingly, it didn’t work.) finally, our submitter says, the building engineer went directly to the guy’s boss to, um, clarify the situation further.

and then there’s exhibit c) from a restaurant in delaware

related: that means pants + shirts as a single unit

another sign of the times: nick in tampa, florida says the sodas in his small office used to be free, but now they cost 50 cents. and yet, when they’re left out “unguarded and unsecured, naturally, people steal them,” nick says. eventually, one coworker thought instilling the fear of god would make for a good theft-deterrent…which inspired another coworker to quote scripture in protest of the new drink policy.

related: no, He uses vaseline