You may work here, but you’re not my mother.

April 14th, 2014 · 106 comments

Pam works at an accounting firm in St. Louis, where, around tax time, it’s not unusual for people to pack all three meals. How did you think Joan’s vigilante food-safety policing went over?

Missing: Three All Beef Hot Dogs

related: A bitter butter battle

→ 106 CommentsFILED UNDER: food · non-apology apology · office · St. Louis


The nicest possible way

April 8th, 2014 · 63 comments

Really? This is the nicest possible phrasing you could come up with?

I am going to say this in the nicest possible way: Who is the stupid idiot that keeps putting cans of soda and bottles of water in the freezer? Stop doing this. I am tired of cleaning up the messes you make!

I mean, this guy even said please.

Do NOT put cans of soda in the freezer!!!! They explode and get all over people's food! Please do not put them in the freezer!

(Thanks to Ben in Dallas and Allie in Orlando for submitting.)

 

related: Ice Box-ing

→ 63 CommentsFILED UNDER: beverages · Coke · exclamation-point happy!!!! · office fridge


No, not the stink eye!

April 3rd, 2014 · 25 comments

Writes our submitter in Leeds: “I enjoy the fact that a second piece of paper had to be added to express the full rage of this (presumably wet-footed) person.”

To the guy who pissed in the lift on Sunday Morning, You are DISGUSTING! I hope you woke up with a massive hangover and are now hanging your head in shame that the lovely people of A block were unknowingly walking your urine around, and undoubtedly into their flats! I may not have fully seen your face, but your navy shift and hair cut should hopefully allow me to recognize you, and give you a look of shame at your disgusting behavior! Use a toilet next time, it's not hard.

related: Lift or Loo?

→ 25 CommentsFILED UNDER: drizzunk · elevator · piss · public shaming · that's disgusting · U.K.


Pity the fool

April 2nd, 2014 · 41 comments

Writes our submitter in Santa Rosa, CA: “Our office is full of people who like to take the last of the coffee and not take the time to brew a new pot. And not just on April Fool’s Day.”

April Fool's Day was yesterday. If you finish a carafe of coffee, please make another one.

related: Coffee pot flowchart

→ 41 CommentsFILED UNDER: coffee · office


Sweetums? Hey, sweetums?

April 1st, 2014 · 30 comments

Ian in Ontario was browsing in a used bookshop when he found this copy of one of Roger Hargreaves classic “Mister” books — complete with a gift inscription to the book’s previous owner. Adds Ian: “I can’t imagine why ‘sweetums’ didn’t want it anymore.”

MR. LAZY

 

WARNING: HEH, HEH, Don't take this too seriously, sweetums. It's just a joke.

 

related: Another book inscription that didn’t go too well

→ 30 CommentsFILED UNDER: just kidding!


Taking the trash out with your junk out

March 27th, 2014 · 42 comments

Colette recently caught a glimpse of this note — though not the offender in question — in her U.K. apartment building.

To the man at no. 105: When taking your bins out please cover up. I don't want my kids seeing your genitals. Regards, The Rest of the Building

related: Be more private with yourself

→ 42 CommentsFILED UNDER: actually totally reasonable · garbage · neighbors · Won't somebody think of the children?


Yours truly, Benz

March 24th, 2014 · 46 comments

Mercedes-Benz owners, as we’ve seen before, don’t often try to disprove their reputation for douchebaggery. But, as Jane in Ithaca reports, nothing stirs up self-righteousness quite like residential on-street parking!

I'm forced to park like an asshole when other assholes park like assholes. Welcome to on street parking. Yours truly, Benz

related: Your parking job brings one word to mind…

extra credit: BMW drivers really are jerks, studies find [marketwatch.com]

→ 46 CommentsFILED UNDER: parking


Good subs, bad subs

March 19th, 2014 · 71 comments

Short, and if not necessarily sweet, it gets the point across. I think I’d have to give this sign a snarky thumbs up.

(don't) drop the bass

related: On jamming

→ 71 CommentsFILED UNDER: music · neighbors · noise · smartass


Lettuce not praise blameless men

March 18th, 2014 · 98 comments

Writes our submitter from the UK: “It seems that student living brings out the best in passive aggressive note-writers.”

Hello,  You left this piece of lettuce on the floor last week and I was wondering if you still wanted it? If you do you should maybe keep it in a safer place than the communal kitchen floor.  Just checking,  Alex from room A xxx

related: EAT ME!

→ 98 CommentsFILED UNDER: college life · food · smartass


Ah, the miracle of childbirth!

March 13th, 2014 · 135 comments

Isaac prefaces this by saying, “I feel bad for the person who posted this screed. I really do.”

But — and isn’t there always a but? — he adds: “The university library here has a HUGE laptop and gadget-theft problem, and there are signs everywhere warning people not to leave their stuff unattended. This guy left a $2000+ shiny Apple laptop just sitting on a table, with all of his super-sentimental irreplaceable pictures on it, and just walked away. And then expected nothing to happen. Really?

My Apple MacBook Pro was stolen January 30 from the Alexander Library at Rutgers University in New Brunswick, N.J.  I have just a few words for the opportunistic, cowardly thief, and I would like to throw them out into the universe so I can move on:  First, I will give you the benefit of the doubt that you are least some portion of an actual human being with a conscience and a degree or two of a moral compass...  Before you wipe my computer clean (and sell it to feed whatever disgusting vice moves you), you should open some of the folders of photography from the last 35 days. You will find all of the images and video I shot of my son Gavin since he was born on Dec, 31, 2013. Spending every moment I could with him since he was born, the backing up of my files took a back seat; your one selfish act has robbed Gavin, my wife, and my family of many irreplaceable memories. You stole everything we had to document Gavin's arrival into the world.  You should look at those photos and ask yourself a few questions about who you are. What kind of future do you think you will have if you are capable of so casually inflicting pain on other people? If you can look at those images of my son in the isolate, jabbed with i.v.'s and struggling to keep his premature body warm, and you don't feel something, then you are a lost cause. There is no pathos for you. You have chosen your path and you will walk alone to the grave. You have taken so much from me, my son, and my wife, but I can still pick up my son and feel his perfect breath on my cheek. Good luck ever finding that in your life.

related: Which is a more despicable crime?

→ 135 CommentsFILED UNDER: college life · guilt trip · New Jersey · purple prose · stealing