Trouble is brewing

March 9th, 2014 · 104 comments

Writes Patrick in Wisconsin: “A member of our office staff prefers a lighter blend, while the rest of us tech guys prefer a cup of coffee that will actually wake us up.”

After the original laminated note spurred this tempest in a coffee pot, Patrick says that Ms. “Three Scoops” upped the ante by bringing in a second coffeemaker for her own personal use. The notes, however, remain.

3 Scoops of grounds brews a great pot of coffee.  If you like coffee so weak that you can see through it. If you're looking for mud, please see Starbucks. :) Considering that Starbucks is one of the most successful businesses in history, they probably know a thing or two about making coffee.  Good Point, and to continue your example, even Starbucks has a blonde roast. They found that many customers demanded a lighter coffee, because they didn't want swampwater. :-P  Note it is called Blonde Blend!  Crafty people discovered a long time ago that you can turn coffee that is too strong into weaker coffee by simply adding water. However to turn (brown) water into something else, one needs the power of the almighty.

related: Coffee-brewing for engineers

→ 104 CommentsFILED UNDER: a matter of taste · coffee · office · saga · Starbucks


Can’t you go back to parking down by the river?

March 5th, 2014 · 67 comments

Writes Jack in Seattle: “A friend of ours is a professional tile setter and general handyman. Sometimes he stays over and parks his work van on our block. We found this note on his windshield one morning after Sunday brunch. It’s so typically ‘Seattle’ it’s hard to be offended.”

No offense but this van looks hella creepy at night.  can you park it in front of someone else's house from now on.  I'd really appreciate it.  Thanks :) -easily creeped out neighbor

Meanwhile, Charon noticed that this van-owner in Couer d’Alene, Idaho did get offended, “apparently because he owns a creepy van and people pointed out that it was creepy.”

hey lady I own a home next to the school, I like this van, and now I've been profiled for driving home. I work at the Hayden Library, my wife nurses the dying, you owe us an apology.

P.S. Van owner: Maybe “I own a home next to the school” wasn’t the best way to get your point across here?

related: I don’t know you, and this is crazy…but your boyfriend’s hot, and your parking’s lazy.

extra credit: the 10 creepiest vans [jalopnik.com]

→ 67 CommentsFILED UNDER: Idaho · kinda creepy · parking · Seattle · smiley


“I power walked so powerfully I got the runs!”

March 4th, 2014 · 56 comments

So, this happened.
To the 'power walker' in the black hoodie and sunglasses who POOPED behind this AC unit on the morning of February 28th. I just wanted to let you know that I saw your take your dump. You may want to choose a better spot the next time you feel the urge to go. P.S. Don't litter please. Next time take the tissue you wiped with.

And Dani in Texas…thanks for sharing?

related: A nasty twist on “Man Bites Dog”
extra credit: Nance Bodean’s Guide to Power Walking [youtube]

→ 56 CommentsFILED UNDER: p.s. · shit · Texas


Thank heaven for little girls

March 3rd, 2014 · 28 comments

Writes our submitter, Amy: “In going through my late great-grandmother’s memorabilia trunk, I saw that she apparently kept a ‘thank you’ letter I wrote her when I was eight years old.” (Said Amy’s mother, of the discovery:  ”I clearly did not supervise the writing of this note.”)

Dear G.G. The five dollars were mostly spent on a record by the Village People. This letter is late because so was the five dollars. Thank you Sincerely Amy

related: Grandma saves granddaughter the trouble; writes thank you note to herself

→ 28 CommentsFILED UNDER: family · kids · thanks (but not really)


How many cliches can we fit on one piece of paper?

February 27th, 2014 · 55 comments

So, which jumble o’ jargon would you rip off the wall first?

Exhibit A?

PLAY hard & WORK hard. Make everything count!

or Exhibit B?

Your mother does not work here! If you sprinkle when you tinkle, be neat and wipe the seat (and floor!)

Coincidentally, both of these notes come to us from Colorado, apparently the least creative state in the union.

Go ahead and post those speculative explanations regarding The Centennial State’s staggering dearth of originality in the comments below. Then we’ll circle back to brainstorm some synergistic solutions. (“The Centennial State?” Really? It’s like you’re not even trying, Colorado!)

related: The rhyme that must be flushed

→ 55 CommentsFILED UNDER: Colorado · office · toilet · Your mother doesn't...


Lipstick Kisses and Pizza Breath Dreams

February 24th, 2014 · 32 comments

Writes Jean in Minneapolis: “Apparently some cool college girls decided to leave their mark on the wall of this pizza joint, just out of eye shot from the kitchen. The entire hallway is sprinkled with lipstick kisses.”

To: Anyone who puts kissing stains on this wall - We wash this wall with toilet water. Thank you

related: Do not kiss on someone else’s kiss

→ 32 CommentsFILED UNDER: Minneapolis/St. Paul · restaurant · so this is a thing? · that's unsanitary


Got it, Ed?

February 19th, 2014 · 40 comments

Our submitter spotted this behind a building on a college campus in Maine — a college that apparently does not tolerate outside-the-utility-box thinking among its employees.

ED THIS IS HOW YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO PAINT THEM

Poor Ed. If only he worked in a jurisdiction where his style of painting could truly be appreciated, like, say, San Francisco…

Or Boston…

 

Or Salem, Massachusetts…

…or dozens of other cities around the world. Don’t give in to the man, Ed!

related: The Gateway to Contractor Hell

 

→ 40 CommentsFILED UNDER: Maine · public shaming


The sugar shelf of death

February 18th, 2014 · 140 comments

“There’s a shelf in our office, where, every couple of days someone will contribute some sort of sugary/fatty treat,” writes Laura in Seattle. Luckily, one of her coworkers stepped up to enlighten everyone about the death trap they’ve created.”

GET RID OF SUGAR. It's more poisonous than HEROIN. If refined sugar were discovered, it would be categorized as a narcotic like cocaine and heroin; it's as addictive and kills millions more people than all drug overdoses combined. Think about it. Obesity-related illnesses kill more people than everything else combined. And the No. 1 causes of obesity and sugar, fat, and salt.

 

GET RID OF SUGAR. It's more poisonous than HEROIN. If refined sugar were discovered, it would be categorized as a narcotic like cocaine and heroin; it's as addictive and kills millions more people than all drug overdoses combined. Think about it. Obesity-related illnesses kill more people than everything else combined. And the No. 1 causes of obesity and sugar, fat, and salt.

related: Cupcakes are a gateway drug!

→ 140 CommentsFILED UNDER: food · hey fatty · office cop · questionable logic · Seattle


The First World Problems of a 12-year-old boy

February 13th, 2014 · 113 comments

Writes Peter in the UK:  ”My 12-year-old son is angry we won’t let him buy and Xbox One, mostly because he spends too much time online already. On the day this discussion happened, we found this note on the computer. (Clearly he has learned about different government systems from the newspaper, not in school…)”

I am very MAD; a person who I wish to remain nameless has UPSET me very much. This person claims that this household is a democracy when really it is COMMUNISM almost like NORTH KOREA, which in this day and age is completely unacceptable. I believe that this household should change to a DEMOCRACY, where everyone does not necessarily have equal rights, but is entitled to do what they want within reason. I am very ANGRY! :(

P.S. Peter, perhaps your little millennial Adrian Mole would be better of spending some time with this instead?

related: Emily declares freedom!

→ 113 CommentsFILED UNDER: kids · Moms & Dads · sad face


I love you…but I love you more when you’re skinny.

February 11th, 2014 · 101 comments

Writes Joshua in Salt Lake City: “This past year I’ve been trying to lose weight. It’s been up and down. Apparently my mother knows that.”

Happy Valentine's Day Josher! 'Skinny Josh Bag' Proud of you! What's the day without the candy bag...just 'Chew & Spit'

related: Mom is my favorite passive-aggressive Valentine

→ 101 CommentsFILED UNDER: heart · hey fatty · Mother-son notes · Salt Lake City · signed with love · Valentine's Day · xoxo