Not one for small talk, eh?

September 7th, 2011 · 33 comments

Spotted by Helen in the window of a shop in Haworth, West Yorkshire.

(It was closed.)

BEFORE YOU ASK: YES, A LOT OF SHOPS ARE CLOSED. NO, I DON'T KNOW WHEN THEY'LL BE OPEN. NO, I DON'T KNOW IF THEY'LL BE OPEN. IN FACT, I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHEN THIS SHOP WILL BE OPEN. YES, THE WEATHER IS POOR/BEAUTIFUL/CRAP. NO, WE DON'T SELL NEWSPAPERS.

related: A not-so-subtle clue that your co-worker isn’t up for cubicle small talk

→ 33 CommentsFILED UNDER: "customer service" · let me stop you right there · retail hell · small talk · U.K.


Oh, sure, blame it on the crackhead.

September 6th, 2011 · 56 comments

Take it from Whitney, kids: “Crack is whack.” (And it makes you an easy scapegoat for pretty much anything and everything.)

From Akron, Ohio:

The crackhead theives [sic] have been busy stealing our stuff, inside + out. Please report all crackhead sightings to SPD [phone number redacted]

From Toronto:

DEAR CRACKHEADS: Please don't steal the empty porn cases. They don't have much of a street value, and since crack/heroin renders you impotent anyways, we really don't see the logic in your decision making abilities. Big Kiss. 7/24 Staff

From New York City:

To the Crackhead who samshed in my windows

From Pueblo, Colorado:

Billboard

From Phoenix:

The fucking neighborhood Crack Head stole my broke down wore out mat bike what will the Dumb Ass Steal of yours next

From Seattle:

dear crackheads: please stop being crackheads. you thank

And lastly, from South London:

Squirrels on Crack

related: So if I start selling drugs I can drive an Escalade, too?

→ 56 CommentsFILED UNDER: blame it on the crackhead · drugs · spelling and grammar police · stealing · that's illegal


The Gateway to Contractor Hell

September 5th, 2011 · 44 comments

While vacationing in Ireland in May, Morgan and her husband ate at a new restaurant in the village of Durrus, in County Cork. “By the next morning,” she says, “the whole town was talking about the ‘gift’ left in the parking spots out front.”

Eoin Hourihane Carpenter & Building Contractor Has not been paid for work carried out, in The Gateway, Durrus

Eoin Hourihane Carpenter & Building Contractor Has not been paid for work carried out, in The Gateway, Durrus

related: You lied to me, Mr. Lundegaard.

→ 44 CommentsFILED UNDER: Ireland · money · public shaming


So close, and yet…

September 1st, 2011 · 99 comments

Darin in Chicago came across the note on the side of his neighbor’s garage just as he was throwing his own dog’s crap in the trash can. (This is kinda like getting out the new roll of TP, but then leaving it on the side of the sink to get wet instead of just putting it on the dispenser…except, worse.)

You pick up the dog crap, but insist on leaving it next to the garbage can. I don't understand.

I don’t really understand the logic here either, but perhaps this particular dog owner is still dealing with the scars from dealing with neighbors like this one, from Ottawa:

OLD LADY If I Catch You In The Act Of Putting Your Dogs Crap In Our Cans. I Will Cut Off Your Head And Bolt It To The Hood Of My Car

related: This is not a trash can

→ 99 CommentsFILED UNDER: Chicago · dogs · excessive capitalization · garbage · neighbors · not-so-veiled threats · recycling · shit · You call that punctuation?


Cupcakes make people [fill in the blank]

August 31st, 2011 · 85 comments

Well, lookie here: this office in Florida has a “Jeff” of their own!

related: A citation from the fat policeSprinkles are for cupcakes

→ 85 CommentsFILED UNDER: cake · food · hey fatty · office · questionable logic


A little bump and slide

August 30th, 2011 · 67 comments

According to our submitter, this car hasn’t been spotted in the path since.

THANKS FOR ALWAYS PARKING ACROSS THE PATH. IT GIVES ME THE CHANCE TO BE A MOVIE STAR & SLIDE ACROSS YOUR HOOD NOW & THEN. TRY IT, IT'S AWESOME!

related: BAD PARK YOU!

→ 67 CommentsFILED UNDER: car · most popular notes of 2011 · parking · reverse psychology · smartass


Law & Order: Social Media Unit

August 29th, 2011 · 55 comments

Kelly in Halifax was on her way to the bus terminal when a note in the window of a small souvenir shop caught her eye. A few days later, she spotted an update, too.

On Facebook, YouTube...PLEASE HELP ME FIND THEIR PARENTS. They need to know what their children do outside their homes. Their shoplifting behaviors should be stopped and corrected. Collin, please turn yourself in. If not, a criminal charge will be made.

On Facebook, YouTube...PLEASE HELP ME FIND THEIR PARENTS. They need to know what their children do outside their homes. Their shoplifting behaviors should be stopped and corrected. The young man on the photo has made an apology to the store. His photos will be removed when he pays for the products.

(And no, the black bars weren’t present in the original photos.)

related: Well, that’s one way to get your landlord’s attention.

→ 55 CommentsFILED UNDER: Canada · Halifax · public shaming · retail hell · stealing


Now, if we could all just take our own advice…

August 27th, 2011 · 69 comments

Really, some people are just better off living alone.

Presented in order of appearance:

If you used the last piece, throw this away and put a new roll on.

 If you see the roll done, don't write a note. Just fuckin replace it bitch.

[Roommate 1:] If you see the roll done, don't write a note. Just fuckin replace it bitch. [Roommate 2:] You just did the exact opposite of what you wrote.

related: What’s harder than changing the toilet paper roll?

→ 69 CommentsFILED UNDER: most popular notes of 2011 · note wars · roommates · toilet paper


But where is the dental clinic?

August 25th, 2011 · 44 comments

Patti in Madrid, Spain couldn’t help but laugh when she saw this notice. “I kept imagining all the losers buzzing random apartments, asking, ‘Hey, is this the dental clinic?’” — presumably, until one of the frustrated residents posted this sign.

La clínica dental es en el botón que pone "Clínica Dental." ¡¡Gracias!! (Translation: The dental clinic is at the button that says "dental clinic." Thank you!)

Translation: The dental clinic is at the button that says “dental clinic.” Thank you!

Clínica Dental Alcala

related: Please, contain your excitement.

→ 44 CommentsFILED UNDER: Espanol · gloriously redundant · Spain


…and leave off the last “S” for “stolen”?

August 24th, 2011 · 39 comments

Allie in Ypsilanti, Michigan was walking into her local Target store when she noticed this little art installation on the sidewalk outside. Granted, she says, “The closest Wal-Mart is about two miles away, and I have no idea how the cart got there either.”

The chalk artist had also drawn purple arrows across the parking lot in the direction of the Wal-Mart, and while Allie says she didn’t check to see if the chalk lines extended all the way to the store, “drawing the arrows but not taking the cart back would have been pretty P-A.”

Thi [sic] is from Wal-Mart. How did it get here?

Meanwhile, Michi spotted this piece of guerilla knitwork chained to a post near NYU. (“It was, on inspection, empty.”)

DON'T STEAL FROM PUBLIC

related: To whoever left this cart here — you are precisely what is wrong with America!

extra credit: Why Wal-Mart’s current business model is doomed [AdAge]

→ 39 CommentsFILED UNDER: Michigan · retail hell · WTF?