writes marni in brooklyn: “we tried this restaurant back when they first opened. the food was pretty bad, it took forever to arrive, and i believe our waitress quit or was fired (either way, there was some yelling) during our meal. many gimmicks involving morning coffee were attempted, but the signage made the food look really unappealing, the type of cuisine was unclear, and there are so many restaurants in park slope that if you can’t stand out for good reasons, you’re just not going to succeed. trying to make the neighborhood feel guilty about it ain’t gonna work.” but that doesn’t mean they won’t try!

another small business CLOSED FOR GOOD, as spotted by the ulterior epicure in lawrence, kansas:

by erich in london, ontario:

and in tyler, texas:

related: top five musical crimes perpetrated by record store customers in the 90s and 2000s

this restroom sign from baton rouge, louisiana manages to combine variations on two of the genre’s most irritating cliches — the rhyme that must be flushed and the clip art that must be stopped…with some additional ridiculous floral clip art thrown in for good measure.

and yet, somehow, this note manages to offend me even more. i don’t think i’ll see cupcakes the same way ever again.

related: the “your mother doesn’t work here” of the hospitality industry

extra credit: “it’s your birthday and we do give a shit”

seriously, how much do you want to _____ this guy in the _____ right now?  (you fill in the blank)

next year, i think this guy and this girl should collaborate on a gigantic fucking birthday pity party.

related: you know, i’m getting input here that is relatively hostile

extra credit: facebook is for narcissists

based on this note — found by matthew at his share house in london — i am citing jane with a serious “misuse of mixtape” violation. (and “by the way,” talk about burying the lead!)

jane, minxes like you are what keep the seth cohen/landry clarks of the world pining away for the unattainable summer roberts/tyra collettes of the world instead of making a go of it with the smart, punky, emotionally available girl with cute glasses who is so clearly the better choice. i reserve judgment on gareth only because this note was found abandoned in a share house he no longer lives in, rather than being pressed into a scrapbook somewhere. let’s hope he’s moved on from his infatuation with this unemployed little cock-tease.

related: textbook dmitri

no, it’s not really “passive-aggressive.” but this find — spotted by matthew in los angeles — is just too magical to keep to myself.

oh, and mishell, if you ever jog on down to austin and want to share a banana-free breakfast taco or tamale, let me know. (but let’s say 9:30, ’cause i have something at 11:00.)

related: phil the vampire slayer

extra credit: notes from chris [urbanprankster.com]
craig’s posters [sydney morning herald]

sarah in san francisco convinced her friend tim to take a photo of this note, the third in a series of progressively sterner notes that has appeared in his office restroom. writes sarah: “i am a fan of, inter alia, the fact that the author ‘buries the lead’ in the p.s. in the middle; the phrase ‘do not leave with the toilet paper,’ as if it’s something you pick up at a bar and take home before the beer goggles wear off; the statement that toilet paper ‘belongs to the public,’ like the state’s natural resources; and of course, the threat to make the perpetrator pay…and more.”

meanwhile, this note from jen in richmond, b.c. is both more specific and yet, more puzzling.

i mean, subbing paper towels for TP, i understand…you gotta do what you gotta do when your rations run out. but drying your hands with toilet paper? really, comrades?

related: five approaches to TP maintenance

k, so, we’ve all seen a million notes like this…

(check out that sad little orphan S!)
 

…but it actually takes a real mother to poke a hole in that logic.

related: your mother doesn’t work here. or here. or here.

this note, from michelle in denver, displays the remarkable lengths that some people will go to avoid confrontation.

and, adds michelle: “this bright-green gem wasn’t the only priceless thing visible. on the cubicle wall closest to the refrigerators was a camera…and it was actually connected to the computer and recording a live feed. this is why you don’t steal from the fridge when you work for a multimedia corporation!”

related: ABP on the V8