Seven words you CAN say on the box of leftover takeout rice that nobody wanted anyway

July 11th, 2011 · 91 comments

Writes Randall, of xkcd fame: “This is a box of rice I found in our apartment’s fridge. I’m guessing it belonged to Tedd.”

That extra “d” sure seems to have given Tedd a bit of unresolved rage, huh?

TEDD'S GODDAMN FUCKING RICE

related: How would you feel if I used up all of your “whatever?”

→ 91 CommentsFILED UNDER: blitzkrieg approach · food · fuck fuckity fuck fuck · more aggressive than passive · most popular notes of 2011 · roommates · smiley


Possibly the best Tooth Fairy letters of all time

July 10th, 2011 · 117 comments

Writes Carolyn in Brooklyn: “My youngest daughter, Annisa, clearly had a problem with her recalcitrant tooth fairy. This is a series of letters, including an envelope, that I saved from her early years. I have no doubt that her finely tuned negotiating skills were developed as a result.” The best part? Annisa, who just turned 31 on Saturday, is now — no joke — a Director of Human Resources.”

(I really didn’t think this tooth-fairy letter could be topped, but in terms of sheer precociousness — not to mention determination — I think we have a new winner.)

Dear tooth fairy, I lost my tooth on 23 of Oct. Now it is Nov. 12. I lost my tooth in pizza. I lost both today. You owe me $1.00 not to be hard but I need money. Annisa

Dear tooth fairy, I did not get my 1.00. I told you I lost my tooth in pizza. I hope you're prepared that I am going to take it up with your mother. And I have a penalty for whatever night you miss you owe me a 25 cents more. And maybe I'll take it up with your boss. And I'll tell him you're goofind off. And I love to talk to you in person over Juice and tea. So when you write back give me your phone number and address talk over cookies. Annisa  p.s. don't correct my spelling

Dear Toothfairy,  I want two dollars for my tooth because It's my first fang. Annisa  P.S. If you don't give me what I want I will find another tooth fairy.   Dear Toothfairy, It is the next day, and I don't have my money. I will have to charge you 25 cents more for penalty and I want $2.25 tomorrow morning. Annisa

Letter for the tooth fairy

related: Look, Tooth Fairy, here’s the deal.

→ 117 CommentsFILED UNDER: Brooklyn · kids · money · most popular notes of 2011 · p.s.


Please change.

July 7th, 2011 · 55 comments

Our submitter in Tucson, Arizona was a little perplexed by the sign hanging up in newly-assigned cubicle, but didn’t think much of it. When he finally got around to asking his bosses about it, they somewhat cryptically responded that the last person to work in that cubicle “had a problem with change.”

(It’s unclear who made the decision that a change of job was in order for that particular ex-employee.)

CHANGE is Good! We like CHANGE! CHANGE is our FRIEND!

Meanwhile, Bethany in Bakersfield, California still isn’t quite sure what to make of this note, which she found on her desk one morning at work. (“Did someone start to write a message and get distracted two words in?” Or am I living my life in such a way that they simply can’t handle it any longer?”)

Bethany, Please change

related: A little bit of psycho-therapy

→ 55 CommentsFILED UNDER: California · now that's management · office · Tucson


See, this is why people hate vegans.

July 6th, 2011 · 788 comments

“When I moved in a year ago, my roommate was an ovo-lacto vegetarian, whereas I was (and still am) an omnivore,” explains our submitter in Brooklyn. “She used to not care about my eating habits, but about four months ago she decided to become a full-blown vegan and has been insufferable since then. Yesterday I went food shopping for myself, and when I came back from work today I found this letter on my bedside table.”

(Yeah, the writing is a little hard to read — just wait for the page to load completely, and then click the images below to enlarge.)

I have to be blunt with you.

Why do you buy SO MUCH meat?

related: Carnivore? Keep being awesome!

→ 788 CommentsFILED UNDER: and that's an order · Brooklyn · food · most popular notes of 2011 · roommates · self-righteous vegans · TL;DR · unsolicited feedback


The wrong kind of sticky pad

July 5th, 2011 · 63 comments

I get that you’re trying to make a point here, lady…but…really?

Please put the toilet seat back down if you use the ladies room...thx!

(And if you just had to go go there, you could have least written, “Always put the toilet back down.” Just sayin’.)

related: The bathroom battle of the sexes…a true race to the bottom.

→ 63 CommentsFILED UNDER: battle of the sexes · California · office · thx · toilet


Well, so much for “have a nice summer, see you next year”

July 4th, 2011 · 80 comments

Writes Roxanne in New Jersey: “When my niece, Diana, returned from a yearbook-signing party, she showed me this inscription from a girl who Diana says she hardly even knows. We’re both dying to know what those terrible warnings about her could have been (but of course, grateful that Leah apparently gave her a chance in spite of them.)”

Hey Diana! It was great getting to know you this year.  A lot of people warned me about you, but you're not so bad! heart, Leah.

related: 2good 2be 4gotten

→ 80 CommentsFILED UNDER: heart · mean girls · New Jersey · schools & teachers


July 4th Parade CANCELLED. Do you hate America?

June 30th, 2011 · 92 comments

Since moving to Austin, I’ve learned that local neighborhood newsletters and listservs are some of the best sources for homegrown passive-aggressive fireworks. Though this particular example might seem relatively mild, our anonymous submitter claims the president of her neighborhood association typically does not disappoint in that department.

In the latest newsletter, “She passive-aggressively scolds the neighborhood for not volunteering (‘numerous requests have been sent out’) and then lists all the (supposedly) awesome things we will be missing out on because no one would volunteer. The last paragraph is the written equivalent of giving the middle finger with a polite smile on your face.”

Dear residents: For numerous years past, the same small group of volunteers has rallied the troops to make SRCC's very popular parade and picnic happen. Their children who enjoyed the event while growing up are now grown, and these volunteers are tired. Numerous requests have been sent out for the past three years for new blood, but none has materialized. So, this year, SRCC will not in any way be associated with a July 4th celebration.  What this means to you is that there will be no official parade, no parade permit, no police escort, no event insurance in case someone is hurt, no park reservations, and no food, drink, vendors, shade structures, politicians or entertainment at the park.  I sincerely hope that all of you enjoy your July 4th, wherever you may be, and that the SRCC event is revived in the future. Even if it isn't though, so many enjoyed the event for so many years that the memory will live on for a long time. Thank all of you volunteers so very much for keeping the event going as long as you did. You deserve a big round of applause.

related: Do you hate America?

→ 92 CommentsFILED UNDER: Austin · neighbors


How now, Mad Cow?

June 29th, 2011 · 77 comments

Our submitter in Tucson had just started a new position in the office of a hospital, and at the time — her budget already stretched thin — she only just one pair of dress shoes to wear with her meager set of work-appropriate clothing. Although she was happy to finally be able to pay her rent, you can imagine how much better she felt about her new job after finding this note dropped on her desk by an unknown coworker. (Because, really, who doesn’t appreciate being called a “thundering cow”?)

You may not be aware of how noisy you are when walking down the hallways with the stomping of your heels. Can you please walk quieter or get quieter shoes? It would make a better image if you walked gracefully and like not a thundering cow. Thanks for not being so distracting to patients and co-workers.   [Response] To Whomever wrote this note: Notes that use this manner of language are insulting and hurtful. Better decorum should be observed in a professional setting. You should ideally learn this, as well as learn how to approach people directly instead of leaving nasty notes on their cluttered desk. Thank you!

Adds our submitter: “Since I had no other way to address the author’s rudeness, I handwrote my response and tacked it up on the outer wall of my cube.”

related: Do these stilettos match my broomstick?

→ 77 CommentsFILED UNDER: a little insensitive · noise · office · shoes


Lean, Green & Mean

June 28th, 2011 · 44 comments

“I was the third child,” says Kathy in Colorado, “so my mom didn’t have time to take nearly as many notes about my development as she did for my brother and sister.”

And speaking of developmental milestones…Kathy’s older sister was just 42 years old when she finally fessed up to adding this note of her own to one of the few non-blank pages of Kathy’s baby book.

walking on her own 9/19 (12 1/2 mo.) so what I can walk on my own too!

related: S is for Sibling Rivalry

→ 44 CommentsFILED UNDER: kids · siblings


Death by a Thousand Puns

June 27th, 2011 · 39 comments

Relentless exposure to awful puns hasn’t yet been explicitly singled out as a form of torture, but employees at this office in Australia might be able to make the case that it qualifies as “extreme mental distress.”

Apparently the strategy here was that for every day the kitchen’s cutlery situation went unresolved, up went another note — with progressively groan-worthy puns each time. (It took until “Spatchalator” for someone to cry uncle.)

Please clean up your mess when you're done Thankyou! This includes SPOONS you forkers! Gee...that's not very knife.

Obviously cutlery offends. (I guess that's why my last note didn't last long.) It'd be knife if people started keeping the cutlery clean sometime spoon. Don't forket!!

A message from the spoon police to the sign police: You've been very bowl'd thus far, but things still haven't panned out the way they should have. Spooner or later you'll have to leave the sign here. Spatchalater. Signed: CLLF (Cutlery & Crockery Liberation Front)

related: This vending machine doesn’t work…it just sits around collecting unemployment.

→ 39 CommentsFILED UNDER: Australia · cleaning · kitchen · most popular notes of 2011 · office cop · smartass · spoons