What the hell is going on at this office?

May 29th, 2011 · 54 comments

Writes our submitter in Madison, Wisconsin: “A coworker was cutting his fingernails into a community desk at work, so another coworker put on rubber gloves, collected the cuttings, and then put them into a sandwich bag with this note stapled on back in the drawer.”

The real kicker, though? As it turns out, there’s actually more than one nail-clipping culprit in the office, our submitter says, ”because several people took the note personally.”

Wha-wha-WHAT? I mean, one office weirdo — that’s practically a given. But an entire gang of clandestine communal-desk-drawer-nail-clipping coworkers?  That’s just messed up.

Please stop cutting nails into drawer! :(

related: Sorry, I thought those were the *shared* office toenail clippers

→ 54 CommentsFILED UNDER: hygiene · Madison · sad face · that's disgusting · visual aids · WTF?


Your guardian angel just wants you to get ‘bikini ready’

May 26th, 2011 · 56 comments

In this episode of targeted advertising gone awry, Jill in Nashville went the grocery store and bought a bag of chocolate chips (“to make cookies for work”) and one pint of Ben & Jerry’s (“just one, mind you!”)

If Jill sounds a little defensive, that’s probably because  — thanks to some disarmingly deadpan algorithms — she received this perky little coupon along with her receipt.

Slim-Fast! Kick start your diet!

Meanwhile, a submitter in Ohio was about to reach for the Cherry Garcia — but stopped short when she spotted this “sign from above.”

I think we both know you don't need this, brochacho.

related: Are you calling me fat?

→ 56 CommentsFILED UNDER: bad sales pitch · food · hey fatty · ice cream · Nashville · Ohio


There’s no “I” in Sarcasm

May 25th, 2011 · 28 comments

“Every week there seems to be a new note in the office kitchen repeating the exact same thing,” says chenry in Canada. “Lately they’ve been threatening to throw away the dishes if you leave them in the sink, but they never do that either.”

(click the image below to enlarge)

Moving forward...any dishes left in the dish rack or sink overnight will be thrown out.

“Now someone’s added his own sign taking the piss out of the rest.”

Moving forward we will need more signs regarding the proper care and placement of dishes. Repeating details of how and when to use the dish rack will be crucial to our ongoing success as a floor. We can do this with everyone pitching in! Thank you, The Pulp & Paper Industry

related: You want clip art? Oh, we’ll give you clip art.

→ 28 CommentsFILED UNDER: blitzkrieg approach · Canada · dishes · in the name of teamwork · kitchen · sarcasm


It’s a toilet, not your your asstray

May 24th, 2011 · 53 comments

I don’t really want to know what “cigarette ashes” is supposed to mean in this context…

TO THE GENTLEMAN WHO LEAVES 'CIGARETTE ASHES' ON THE TOILET SEAT - YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE - IF YOU ARE NOT GOING TO TREAT YOUR CONDITION, AT LEAST HAVE THE COURTESY TO CLEAN UP AFTER YOURSELF, RATHER THAN LEAVING IT TO OTHERS TO RISK CONTRACTING GOD-KNOWS-WHAT WHEN THEY HAVE TO CLEAN UP FOR YOUR DETRITUS.

…but hey, look what I found on the Internets!

related: Your “Brown Friends”

→ 53 CommentsFILED UNDER: Berkeley · bold-underlined-caps · hygiene · office · toilet


Caught in the act

May 23rd, 2011 · 89 comments

This bulletin board display from Louisville, Kentucky comes to us via Annie in Colorado, who adds: “I can’t help but feel sorry for the poor dogs caught popping a squat!” (Don’t worry, Annie. As you can see, I’ve taken steps to protect the identities of the canines pictured.)

Maybe it’s the classic crazypants handwriting, but I when I try to envision the creator of this display, the first image that comes to mind is one of those cop-show scenes where they bust in and find a room obsessively wallpapered with photos and maps and newspaper clippings documenting some big (or in this case, not so big) conspiracy theory.

But who knows? Maybe this guy is starting a new fetish mag and just wants to track down these dogs to pay their modeling fees or…something.

DO YOU KNOW THESE DOGS??? 8337 GT. HAS NO DOGS YET THESE DOGS ARE POOPING AROUND THIS ADDRESS. [Response:] GET A LIFE!!!

related: Dr. Freud’s Salon Scatologica

→ 89 CommentsFILED UNDER: confusion??? · crazypants · dogs · Louisville · neighbors · rebuttals · shit · visual aids


Dear parents: this is what you WON’T be hearing from your newly minted college grads

May 22nd, 2011 · 39 comments

(After all, once they’ve moved back home into their old bedrooms, they can just raid your liquor cabinet and sneak bills from your wallet, just like old times!)

Meanwhile, this note/social critique was spotted by James in downtown Iowa City, “amid dozens of bars and thousands of over-privileged young suburbanites.”

Dear dad, please stop sending me your money; I'll just use it to buy booze.

If, however, your entrepreneurial kiddos do decide to strike out their own, you might want to keep tabs on the Sudafed in the medicine cabinet. (Especially if “on their own” means “the room above the garage.”)

I don't have a meth lab (Never ever) LEAVE ME ALONE

related: Your daughter is a substance abuser and a PLAYER!

→ 39 CommentsFILED UNDER: art · beer · college life · drugs · graffiti · Iowa · Moms & Dads · money


Praying for rain (and/or the end of the world)

May 21st, 2011 · 30 comments

Dan in Chicago spotted this unexpected gem in the “comments from our readers” section of the Chicago Tribune weather page.

Right now it is not raining, but I am really counting on it to rain, because I am not in the mood to go to my son's little league game.

related: No money, no trophy

→ 30 CommentsFILED UNDER: Chicago · Moms & Dads · posted online


Are you ready for your Rapture party?

May 20th, 2011 · 45 comments

Stephanie in Kansas City, Missouri found this warning posted on the fridge after lunch today:

Whoever eat [sic] my pizza today....remember Rapture is coming tomorrow!!!!

Around the same time, this note showed up on an office coffee-maker in Washington, D.C.:

This machine is out of service. Ordinarily, we would have called for technical support. However, given the impending end of the world, we felt that was unnecessary. If the world is still here on Monday, technical support will be called then.

Meanwhile, Ashley in Greenville, North Carolina forwards this example of a veiled threat, atheist-style:

Every time you leave the soap in the sink Richard Dawkins prays to Jesus...

related: Remember, God is watching you!

→ 45 CommentsFILED UNDER: bathroom · coffee · D.C. · exclamation-point happy!!!! · Jesus · Kansas City · North Carolina · pizza · roommates · soap · stealing · washing your hands


Grandpas can guilt-trip, too!

May 19th, 2011 · 45 comments

Dara’s birthday is coming up, and her grandpa sent her this card. (Explains Dara: “He calls birthdays ‘anniversaries’ because ‘you only have one birth day.’) Nice, huh? And we haven’t even gotten to the guilt-trippy part yet.

“He lives in Florida and I live in upstate New York.” Dara says. “I went to visit my parents in NYC a few weeks ago and he chose to visit them the day after I left. Somehow that’s my fault.”

Hi Dara. Happy Anniversary. We don't see enough of each other but I guess that can't be helped. All my love GrandPa

related: Don’t worry, I’m alive. Not that you’d care. I’m only your mother!

→ 45 CommentsFILED UNDER: Binghamton · birthday · family · guilt trip · New York · old folks · signed with love


Well, someone’s feeling a little chippy…

May 18th, 2011 · 59 comments

How long will your slob of a flatmate neglect her fallen french fry on the filthy carpet of your shared living space?

Well, if your flatmate is Bex in Stoke, England…long enough for it to be transformed into a small art installation, apparently.

Hi Bex I'm your floor chip I miss you XXX

EAT ME

related: Grimace and the fry kids

→ 59 CommentsFILED UNDER: anthropomorphism · cleaning · food · roommates · U.K.