Why climb when you can RIDE?

May 17th, 2011 · 47 comments

As it happens, our entire technical staff (a.k.a Eric) recently completed a Ph.D in computer science and took a job at the newly formed Max Planck Institute for Intelligent Systems in picturesque Tübingen, Germany. (That’s right kids, if you work hard, and get your doctorate in computer science, you too may one day be qualified enough to host a found-content blog!)

Upon arriving at MPI’s Tübingen campus, Eric immediately felt at home. Specifically, he spotted some encouraging signage right next to the second floor elevator in one of MPI’s buildings.

Why don't we take the Healthy Stairs

Besides being a powerful testament to Southern Germany’s deep love of hiking, this health conscious posting also highlights the institute’s international reach. As you can see, the note itself is actually a photograph of a sign that was originally posted at (by?) Korea University*.

Of course walking down a single flight of stairs is hardly an inconvenience, particularly since the stairs in question are literally across from the elevator and lead directly to the building’s main entrance. The folks on the third floor, however, have a different perspective on the situation. Posted next to the third floor elevator is this rather charming reply.

WHY CLIMB STAIRS WHEN YOU CAN RIDE...with the finest in home elevators

Finally, from across the Atlantic, students at the University of Virginia have brought to light an additional concern surrounding the classic elevator vs. stairs debate. The following note, spotted by Trisha, was placed by the stairs of her UVA apartment building…along with an entire box of fat-free vanilla pudding.

Please Do Not Heave Up and Down the Stairs Like a Herd of Diseased Buffalo. Utilize the Elevator if you Have a Fat Ass.

Needless to say, the pudding was gone by the end of the day.

* Perhaps you, dear reader, can keep this transcontinental chain alive. Please consider printing out your own copy of the above photo and posting it at your place of business and/or learning.

related: You’re not even wearing designer shoes, so there’s no reason why you should be taking the elevator one floor.

→ 47 CommentsFILED UNDER: Charlottesville · college life · elevator · Germany · hey fatty · rebuttals


It’s like an entire episode of Seinfeld on one door

May 15th, 2011 · 61 comments

From the NON-public restroom inside a deli in Bishop, California:

Wow! This place is awesome! The food is great! That is what you should be saying if you bought something. But instead you're starting to feel guilty about free loading on our rest room. Maybe the

related: “If it wasn’t for the toilet, there would be no books.”

→ 61 CommentsFILED UNDER: "customer service" · bathroom · California · etiquette · guilt trip · restaurant


Hey, look! A coffee pot!

May 13th, 2011 · 80 comments

This isn’t the first “coffee-maker etiquette” flowchart I’ve seen, but it is the most aesthetically pleasing.

Says Sarah in St. Louis: “The IT department in our office is notorious for drinking the last of the coffee without making more.” (Note the subtle “I heart C++” mug.) Apparently, one of her co-workers thought breaking things down into engineer-speak might help.

Hey, look! A coffee pot!

Meanwhile, in Toledo, Ohio…a variation tailored to a slightly different audience:

What would Jesus do...if there were only this much coffee left in the pot? *He would brew more!

related: Passive-aggressive flowcharts

→ 80 CommentsFILED UNDER: coffee · etiquette · flow chart · Jesus · most popular notes of 2011 · office · St. Louis · Toledo · visual aids


“I’m not keeping track or anything, but you are being written out of the will.”

May 11th, 2011 · 92 comments

Grandmas: they can kiss you on the cheek while punching you in the gut, and you’ll still write a thank-you note…or wish you had. BECAUSE OTHERWISE YOU WOULDN’T BE HERE.

[Grandma]: I have 7 Grandkids -- 3 grandkid-in-laws -- 5 great-grandkids -- THIS IS A MESSAGE TO ALL OF THE ABOVE --  I just wanted to remind you that I am the mother of your mother.  Without your mother YOU WOULDN'T BE HERE. I want you to know that I am NOT keeping track, but Christy [redacted] is the only one who remembered me on Mother's Day.  Our will is being adjusted as I speak.  Lots of Love...Nan

related: But…but…I didn’t forget!

P.S. By the way, Grandma Cookie, I did call you at Palm Garden on Mother’s Day — three times — but you didn’t answer. But, um, Happy Mother’s Day?

→ 92 CommentsFILED UNDER: CAPS LOCK · Facebook · family · Grandma · guilt trip · Idaho · just a friendly reminder · Mother's Day · not-so-veiled threats · signed with love


Warning: Take my last Diet Coke from the fridge and I WILL cut you.

May 10th, 2011 · 108 comments

I don’t ever condone passive-aggressive note-writing, but you should be warned: hard-core Diet Coke drinkers do not fool around. (Trust me — I’m a recovering addict myself.)

The Beverage [sic] you are about to consume doesn't belong to you :( Are we playing finders keepers I think NOT? Don't I look delicious? Too bad...get your own :) OMG! Did...you...buy me?! ... NO. Hi! I'm not yours :) PUT ME DOWN!

Dear Diet Coke Thief, I understand your sentiment. Diet Coke IS the nectar of the gods, and I can see how one might think that taking someone else's cold drink would be fairly innocuous, but in truth, it's not. Frankly it's crushing. Please stop. Sincerely, A fellow Diet Coke enthusiast & seemingly, your Coke supplier :)

Further deficiencies in the Diet Coke supply will be remedied by waterboarding and dismemberment of the Management.

related: Enough with the diet sodas!

→ 108 CommentsFILED UNDER: blitzkrieg approach · Diet Coke · fridge · most popular notes of 2011 · not-so-veiled threats · sad face · smiley · stealing


Please clear your unused microwave time: now with more questionable statistics!

May 9th, 2011 · 84 comments

Note: the following message has explicitly NOT been approved by Jack Donaghy. (Do not be fooled by that GE logo at the bottom of the page.)

Remarkably enough, our submitter, Dan in Milwaukee, says the following message was NOT penned by a satirical television writer, but rather by an anonymous member of the office Green Police. (The two pennies — payment for 2011′s extra energy usage — were then added later by an anonymous member of the office Bullshit Police.)

Did you know?  The "Remaining Time" display on a microwave can use up to 30% more energy than the clock does?  The clock only updates once a minute, flashing the time is much more frequent. So be green. Clear your time when you're done cooking. Every little bit helps.

This is, of course, simply a new strategy in the ongoing war being waged in kitchenettes across the world by the United League of Office Workers Who Have Nothing Better to Complain About.

Please clear any unused time off the microwave when you are finished. Some of us have OCD and leftover time drives us crazy. -Thanks!

related: Some of have OCD and unused microwave time drives us crazy

→ 84 CommentsFILED UNDER: dubious scientific claims · energy usage · microwave · Milwaukee · office · questionable logic · The Earth · Wisconsin · WTF?


Gee, thanks for the support.

May 8th, 2011 · 34 comments

“My fiance and I are getting married on our nine-year anniversary of being together,” writes our bride-to-be from Las Vegas, Nevada. Before leaving town for her wedding and honeymoon, the office threw a small party in her honor, and everyone signed a card full of blessings and good wishes. Everyone, that is, except for one particular executive, who added his unsigned note of support on the back in his distinctive handwriting. Touching, no?

if it doesn't work out, we are always here for you

related: A greeting card for my son…and the harlot with whom he’s living in sin

→ 34 CommentsFILED UNDER: heartwarming compassion · Las Vegas · love & marriage · Nevada · office


A Mother’s Day Report Card

May 5th, 2011 · 37 comments

Jill from Baltimore is in her early 30s now, so she has enough distance from her childhood self to laugh at the passive-aggressiveness of this Mother’s Day card she made when she 11 or 12. “I love that I used Mother’s Day as an opportunity to not only tell my mom how great she is, but also to not-so-subtly point out her shortcomings.”

Report Card For: Mom Helping me with Math homework - Average Playing Tennis - Excellent Cleaning Laundry - Excellent Being a Mom - Excellent!!! Cooking Dinner - N/A Shopping for my clothes - Great Taking me Places - Great

(If you were wondering about the “NA,” Dad did the cooking.)

related: Happy F’ing Mother’s Day!

→ 37 CommentsFILED UNDER: Baltimore · kids · Moms & Dads · most popular notes of 2011 · Mother's Day · Mother-daughter notes


So, you were hoping to get an A for “asshole-like entitlement”?

May 4th, 2011 · 199 comments

Our submitter in North Dakota, an instructor at one of the state’s institutions of higher learning, found this note left behind by a student in one of her English Composition classes. “We had begun meeting in a computer lab two classes prior,” she writes, “something which had been announced at the beginning of the classes leading up to the room switch as well as on the syllabus.”

But you know, “nobody likes to have to dig your syllabus out.” That’s like, a total drag, dude!

[Prof. redacted],  I showed up to class today and no one was there. Where was class?!?! You need to make announcement when you are changing the location of the class!!! No one likes to have to dig your syllabus out every day or check their e-mail for your last minute changes. I DID show up today and you have to count my paper as ON TIME. Please email me with an explanation.

Seriously, kids today(!!!)

related: The “feeling of failing” debacle

extra credit: “In the Basement of the Ivory Tower,” by Professor X [theatlantic.com]

→ 199 CommentsFILED UNDER: college life · confusion??? · exclamation-point happy!!!! · most popular notes of 2011 · North Dakota · spelling and grammar police · that's disrespectful


Dear coworkers: I’m sending this e-mail while sitting on the john! Just thought you’d want to know.

May 3rd, 2011 · 73 comments

Writes our disgusted submitter: “All that time on the toilet to think, and this is what you came up with?”
______________
How do you say diarrhea politely? I'll be in when I can.

related: Does your roommate have note-writing diarrhea?

→ 73 CommentsFILED UNDER: all-staff e-mail · D.C. · illness · office · shit · that's disgusting · TMI