(Cat) Lady of the Night

October 22nd, 2013 · 95 comments

Dear late-night cat: plz discipline ur lady. kthxbai.

A MESSAGE TO THE LATE NIGHT CAT LADY  1. DO YOU REALLY THINK STANDING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET AT 1 AM AND CALLING IN A HIGH, LOUD VOICE IS THE BEST WAY TO BRING HOME YOUR CAT?  2. DO YOU BELIEVE YOUR CAT CAN HEAR YOUR VOICE AND NOT YOUR NEIGHBORS?  3. DO YOU IMAGINE YOUR NEIGHBORS ENJOY YOU WAKING THEM FROM SLEEP AT 12, 1, OR 2 AM ON A NEARLY DAILY BASIS?  SUGGESTIONS: 1. BRING YOUR CAT IN BEFORE 10 PM.  2. REALIZE THAT YOUR VOICE CARRIES AND THE HOUSES ON THIS STREET ARE CLOSE TOGETHER.  3. CONSIDER GETTING A DIFFERENT PET - MAYBE A GOLDFISH.

related: Please walk your elephant quietly!

→ 95 CommentsFILED UNDER: "helpful" advice · cats · most popular notes of 2013 · neighbors · noise · Oakland


The sad thing is…

October 21st, 2013 · 27 comments

Cristina in California had to smile when she saw the thank-you note her son composed to his friends. How’s that for subtlety?

Dear Conner, Dylan, and Ethan, Thank you for the spiderman legos. I wish I had a Wii too but the sad thing is I don't have one. Your buddy, Chase

And before you start in on “kids today” — I found a thank-you note my own father wrote to his grandparents circa 1958. Check out the P.S. on the back!

PS Thank you for sending Santa Claus money to bring me things for Christmas. Forgot these things: Space station, Drum Set, and Para-Jet. Love Tommy

related: (It’s my first fang.)

→ 27 CommentsFILED UNDER: birthday · Christmas · kids


The coward’s way out of a roommate break-up

October 20th, 2013 · 77 comments

Writes Megan in Canada: “Found this in my room one night. No warning, no talk. Classy and cowardly.”

Megan, I don't think it is working out between the two of us. I think its time you find a new place. I don't want to have any hard feelings. Carole

related: Trading up

→ 77 CommentsFILED UNDER: Canada · moving/not moving · roommates


Another year without the Great Pumpkin

October 17th, 2013 · 43 comments

Well, it’s that time of year again…time for heartless hooligans to smash pumpkins (and with them, the hearts of small, gourd-loving children).

David in California spotted this sign next to a small field of corn and pumpkins located next to a popular public jogging trail.

Whoever stole the Big Pumpkin you broke a little boy's heart

related: It’s hard out there for a pumpkin.

→ 43 CommentsFILED UNDER: California · flowers, trees, houseplants & gardens · Halloween · stealing · Won't somebody think of the children?


The mystery of the mischievous, murderous cat

October 16th, 2013 · 77 comments

Toby in the U.K. found this note taped to his front door, and found it a bit baffling — not to mention disturbing — given that he doesn’t own a cat. “I can only imagine what these ‘defensive measures’ might be,” Toby says. “I hope the cat in question can avoid them.”

And when it comes to the idea of “disciplining” your cat, I can’t even imagine what that might mean.

(just click the image below to enlarge)

Dear Neighbour,  Please can you stop your cat coming into my house. I have to leave my cat flap open for my cat but your cat is causing lots of mischeif. It is a black long haired cat I have seen you feeding him so I know he is your cat. She has already pooped on my rug which cost £50 (and another £30 to clean) and last week he was trying to murder the goldfish in my pond. Please discipline your cat or I will be forced to take defensive measures, and it would be better for all concerned if it does not come to that.  With Kind Regards, Howard  (From No. 32, the house with the blue door)

related: Your cat. Your choice.

→ 77 CommentsFILED UNDER: cats · neighbors · not-so-veiled threats · Oops? · questionable logic · U.K.


Four horsemen…and a microwave

October 15th, 2013 · 25 comments

Rachel in California says the breakroom at her office hasn’t caused many problems in the past, but a recent wave of new hires has changed that. “The last time I opened the microwave it was stuffed with paper towels, the walls were slathered in orange goop, and it smelled like rotting horse flesh.” (In other words, like a frozen lasagna from Tesco?)

Is this a post-apocalyptic world where the blacks and whites of morality have blurred into a hazy grey and every man takes care of himself and only himself? No? Then CLEAN THE MICROWAVE AFTER YOU USE IT!

related: Someday, when society has all but crumbled around you…

→ 25 CommentsFILED UNDER: California · cleaning · microwave · office


My neighbor, the nihilist

October 13th, 2013 · 49 comments

Hannah in Austin made the poster to the right — inspired by one of her favorite poets, Mary Oliver — and hung it in her window. A few weeks later, she woke up to find that her next-door neighbor had added a piece of his own.

ONE WILD PRECIOUS LIFE  - ONE BORING POINTLESS EXISTENCE

related: I have a problem with your window manners

→ 49 CommentsFILED UNDER: Austin · neighbors · smartass


I’m detecting a foul odor coming from your general direction.

October 10th, 2013 · 204 comments

Basic hygiene: Sadly, one of those things that some people make it to college without learning…until they end up with a bio major for a roommate.

I'm detecting foul body odor coming from your bed sheets and closet. Due to the humidity, age, and overall neglect of the Howell building, there are a lot of bacteria and they function at a significantly higher rate than in most other structures. The bacteria feed on human excretions and other easy food sources. These are but are not limited to sebaceous and apocrine gland secretions, actual food, fecal residues from farting, etc. As you may or may not be aware of, the bacteria that metabolizing these substances are odor causing. Since we are paying in excess of $2000.00 for these rooms per semester, cooperation to ensure a livable room and satisfactory cohabitation is a very high priority. I pay out-of-pocket by myself, so I'm resentful that the room almost always falls short in cleanliness in appearance or odor. This smell is not from room humidity, end of story. To remedy this problem, take the following steps...

related: This room is protected by the Constitution!

→ 204 CommentsFILED UNDER: college life · hygiene · It's science! · most popular notes of 2013 · odor · roommates · TL;DR


What is this, some sort of pissing contest?

October 10th, 2013 · 36 comments

Our submitter spotted this sign next to the door of a video game shop in Australia. “I’m left wondering how often this must have occurred to warrant the sign,” she says.

Personally, my favorite part is the unusual choice of the word making. What exactly is going on here? (“That’s it, Alfie. If you really want Bioshock Infinite, you’d better face the wall and take a piss first!”)

PARENTS!! PLEASE STOP MAKING YOUR KIDS PISS IN THE GARDEN!! IT F#$%IN STINKS!!

related: How many times did this have to happen before they put up a sign?

→ 36 CommentsFILED UNDER: exclamation-point happy!!!! · kids · odor · piss · pointlessly self-censored profanity · WTF?


Trash talk

October 8th, 2013 · 16 comments

Our submitter in Chicago says that there a used to be a trash can near the front door of her apartment building, but because it was always overwhelming with doggie poop bags and other smelly trash, she wasn’t sad to see it go. Apparently, some of her neighbors are still in denial.

Attn: In case you haven't notice, there is NO trashcan in this space any more. Please be kind and take your petty trash out 5 steps to the dumpster, instead of leaving it here for someone else to clean up. THANKS. —a resident who throws their trash in its proper place  FUCK YOU! WHERE'S THE FUCKING TRASH CAN? -PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE RESIDENT

related: I don’t want to touch the bathroom door handle, so I’m just going to toss my paper towel on the floor

→ 16 CommentsFILED UNDER: Chicago · garbage · neighbors · rebuttals · that's trashy