our submitter from honolulu lives with two roommates…in a house that belongs to one of those roommate’s parents. (mayday! mayday!)

one day, apparently, mother dearest decided to come over for an unannounced visit. surprise!

(click to enlarge)

related: i can has guilt trip?

this is one of those notes i’ve spent far too long puzzling over. the frustratingly random capitalization, the misuse of/missing punctuation, the center justification, and of course, THE BOX. WHY THE BOX?

sir/ma’am, i will gladly supply you with as many baby ruths as you can stuff down your gullet if you can reconstruct the thought process that led to this note.

related: and yet…the pink flowers?

writes our anonymous submitter: “i own a restaurant, and the writer of the note is a college student who has worked for me for a while now.  yesterday, her pal flatly refused to put on her uniform (a chef coat) and i was so tired of her shenanigans that i roared at her right before service to get out. i was actually surprised that the writer of the note didn’t ’sympathy quit’ right then, but her professionalism clearly shines through in this note.”

p.p.p.p.s. god, i hope this girl shows up on a bravo/food network reality show. i need more of this delicious naivete!

related: this shit is bananas

shortly after the birth of her new nephew (a.k.a “gee-gee-boo”, liz in waltham, mass. received this note (channeling grandmothers everywhere) from the precocious 7-year-old daughter of her other sister. writes liz: “i love that she is simultaneously trying to guilt trip me into having a kid while not-so-subtly hinting that baby g should move up to the boston area.”

meanwhile, an eight-year-old in san marcos, california is also finding a good use for those “friendly letter” skills he learned in school.

related: p.p.s. do you really have a belly like a bowl full of jelly?

i didn’t think office sign illustration could get more gratuitous than this guy, but then corinna in seattle came through with this.

(add a few hand-drawn penises and you’ve got yourself a perez hilton special!)

related: maybe next time you should try power point?

one lazy sunday, when our anonymous submitter in minneapolis spotted this bit of graphity on a wooden bridge at a park, “at first i thought it was sweet in a sad kind of way,” he says. but then he kept finding more — “on benches, picnic tables, even trees, and they got progressively more insane.”

and yet, as many questions as these notes raise, i’m sure we can all agree that whatever keith’s wife did, IT HAD TO BE DONE.

here, keith’s wife really shows off her flair for language (which we got a brief glimpse of in her earlier “hot dog” opus.)

then, evidently quite pleased with herself, keith’s wife gives herself an encore on another bench.

related: to have and to hold

andrea in beaver dam, wisconsin says her friend mckenna woke up on her 19th birthday to find this note on the counter from mom.

(you can tell it’s heartfelt because of the underlining.)

related: when a card just won’t do

exhibit a) spotted at a laundromat in silver lake by jessica in los angeles…

exhibit b) from ronnie’s diner, also in l.a., by valerie:

exhibit c) from barnacle bill’s in sarasota, florida:

exhibit d) from, as miranda explains, ” the local ‘community thrift store’ in dahlonega,georgia, where everything is donated, and all the people who work there…are volunteers. raising the prices to compensate for the volunteers’ efforts? makes TONS of sense to me!”

but (because the decision had to be made) i would say that this  final note — spotted by rusty at a b&b in newfoundland — is my absolute favorite.

related: when you can’t blame the dog