…but don’t do that.

February 26th, 2013 · 41 comments

Slow clap for this building manager in Boston, anyone?

Do anything you want with the paper towels! It's an arts neighborhood: make a sculpture. Winter's coming: make a neck ruff. Roll your own: and smoke away from the building. But please don't put them in the toilet!! Put them in the trash...throw them out the nearest window...adopt them...send them to reform school...but don't put them in the toilet! Our staff and the people downstairs are very tired of the overflow floods.

related: Things to do this summer

 
 

→ 41 CommentsFILED UNDER: bathroom · Boston · toilet


Beware the Ides of M.Arch

February 25th, 2013 · 60 comments

“Architecture students are known for their creative, um, madness,” writes our submitter. “Combine that with severe sleep deprivation, and voilà!” Among the architecture master’s students who share this studio, our submitter says, this masterpiece of a note has already become legend.

Don't ever think about touching this model. Are you happy if I touch your model that you spend so much time and money? Just look at this model if you want; however, don't judge anything if you're not the professor. Don't speak out about this model or shake your head like something is wrong about this model (in front of me) if you aren't 100% sure about right and correct. This model's just different unlike yours, that's all. Mind your own business. Keep your noose out of my business Don't worry about it. It's none of your business. A third party should not thrust his nose into these matters. If i find out that you touch this model, I will definitely touch yours. Don't incite me to fight with you. Don't goad me on to destroy you.

related: Untitled — Broken Glass

extra credit: Architorture School

 
 

→ 60 CommentsFILED UNDER: college life · touching


Dear Kyle (who doesn’t love me)

February 21st, 2013 · 104 comments

“I messed up and forgot to get something for my long-distance girlfriend for Valentine’s Day last year,” says Kyle, a college student in South Carolina. Soon after, he got this card in the mail…evidence that his girlfriend had morphed into some unholy hybrid of a 9-year-old girl and @horse_ebooks.

Dear Kyle (who doesn't love me), Happy Valentine's day! I love you, now getchya shitz together so we can cuddle more and not be sad, okay? Presentless and alone (the lonliest evr in the whole, wide, desolate world) [TEARS OF REJECTION]

related: Public Displays of Long-Distance Affection

extra credit: Radiohead or Horse_ebooks?

 
 

→ 104 CommentsFILED UNDER: crazypants · sig o · Valentine's Day


Gee, thanks for the advice.

February 20th, 2013 · 66 comments

Steve in Los Angeles says his dog has been having some separation anxiety, typically crying for about 30 minutes to an hour after Steve leaves for work. He recently found this oh-so-helpful advice taped to his front door. (His response: “WTF?!”)

Hello, I'm not sure if you're aware but your dog barks almost non stop when you're gone. He seems very unhappy. I had a similar problem but finally worked it out. Good luck.

Steve, just to put things in perspective, you might want to take a look at the Chicago approach:

To the inconsiderate asshole on the third floor who's dog won't shut the fuck up. If you don't start closing your window, the dog is gonna take a bullet. You've been warned.

related: My bite is work than your bark

 
 

→ 66 CommentsFILED UNDER: "helpful" advice · Chicago · dogs · Los Angeles · neighbors · noise · warning


PEDANT (noun)

February 19th, 2013 · 84 comments

Oh boy.

To: University of Guam Library Good Afternoon, I have spent many semesters in our wonderful campus library. I admire the dedication and hard work that the staff demonstrates in order to maintain and keep up top priority issues any students may experience. I would like to contribute what I have learned in my few years here at UOG. I frequently occupy the main floor and have come across some signs that read

(As always, just click on the image to enlarge.)

related: Volenti non fit injuria

 
 

→ 84 CommentsFILED UNDER: college life · library · TL;DR


Do you hear the people sing?

February 18th, 2013 · 53 comments

Cynthia in San Francisco says she was about to check the class schedule at her gym when she saw that their website was no longer operational. “There is so much YES going on here,” she says, of the screenshots she was able to grab. “I barely make it to the gym anyway and this is a great excuse to quit altogether. I’m more of a yoga person anyhow!”

Fitness SF preferred to ignore our invoices instead of paying them. As a result this website is no longer operational.

Fitness SF preferred to ignore our invoices instead of paying them. As a result this website is no longer operational.

related: The Mad Bomber

extra credit: Burger King Twitter Hacked, Turned into McDonalds [gizmodo.com]

 
 

→ 53 CommentsFILED UNDER: gym · money · posted online · San Francisco


There comes a time when enough is enough

February 15th, 2013 · 127 comments

For a while now, our submitter in Australia says his neighbors — a couple in their mid-40s — have been complaining about his family’s “excessive noise.” It started, he says, with complaints about the sounds generated by their pool filter and their dryer.

“We accommodated by turning the filter off at night and reducing usage of the dryer,” he says, “but it escalated to them complaining about us talking inside our house with all the windows closed and the air conditioner running (during the day, mind you). Then they began coming over, literally banging on our door, complaining that the kids were being too loud while playing outside.”

David says the neighbors also started calling to complain to the real estate company from whom his family rents the house. The company’s response, below, made for a satisfying conclusion to the whole affair.

Dear Madam, RE: HARRASSMENT [sic] OF TENANTS IN [redacted]: Further to your calls to our office to complain that the tenants of the property next door to you have been making noise, please not the following: 1) Children are allowed to play, laugh, scream, etc. during the day in their own backyard. 2) Occupants of any house are allowed to run their air conditioner whenever they see fit. 3) Noise is allowed on any property between the hours of 7am and 7pm. Should you feel the noise from the air conditioner is excessive you have the right to lodge a written complaint with the Health Dept. at the local council office so that they can come out to check the decibel level. If you continue to approach the neighbours in an annoying manner they may be forced to seek legal advice regarding harassment issues. We all have to learn to get along together and the tenants next door have tried to accommodate you, within reason, but there comes a time when enough is enough. Please do not contact us again about this issue until you have had a Council officer attend to check the noise levels. Yours sincerely, [redacted]

related: Will you please turn down the sound of your frogs?

 
 

→ 127 CommentsFILED UNDER: Australia · landlords and property managers · neighbors · noise · oh snap


This Valentine’s Day, give the gift of honesty

February 14th, 2013 · 32 comments

Rachel in New York City says one of her students proudly presented her with this card, adding, “I think it speaks for itself.”

Dear Rachel You are the 2nd best teacher Ever ? Love You

related: Happy Valentine’s Day to the groaner upstairs

 
 

→ 32 CommentsFILED UNDER: heart · kids · New York · schools & teachers · signed with love · Valentine's Day


The female of the species

February 13th, 2013 · 31 comments

All alone this Valentine’s Day? Well…more Cheetos for you!

Dear Brodie, If you forget to put an elastic band or bag clip on the crackers again, I will strangle you in your sleep. Love, Kelsey xoxo

 

Dear sweet sweet AJ, Drink all of my Sprite again and I'll rip your f*cking head off. xoxo, E

(Thanks to Brodie in Nova Scotia and redditor ajbollom. May they rest in peace.)

related: That’s just [sic]

 
 

→ 31 CommentsFILED UNDER: heart · not-so-veiled threats · signed with love · xoxo


You’re a wiseass, Harry.

February 12th, 2013 · 69 comments

It turns out Harry Potter had more than a little in common with his jerk of a father. (And yes, James Potter was a jerk — Yahoo! Answers says so!)

Dear Hagrid, I understand you're half giant, but could you try to be a little more light footed? P.S. If you're not Hagrid, stop fucking stomping around, it's pissing me off. Sincerely, Harry Potter, apartment under the stairs

Meanwhile, on Diagon Alley…

Notice from The Green Witch Re discount...Please do not embarrass my staff by asking for discount. If the prices could be lower, they would be. Therapists who shop regularly and consistently at the shop may receive a discount on their products that are relevant to their business but not on any other goods. Any discount given is purely at the discretion of myself and is a priveledge [sic], not a right. Demanding discount simply angers both me and Maggie — after all, do you ask Tesco for discount because you shop there every week...I think not. Thank you, The Green Witch

related: Do these stilettos match my broomstick?

extra credit: How P-A Harry Potter fans deal with junk mail

extra extra credit: We Are Wizards [hulu.com]

 
 

→ 69 CommentsFILED UNDER: neighbors · noise · p.s.


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