the coast newspaper in halifax recently invited its readers to share their “passive-aggressive roommate tales.” (gee, what a great idea!)
my favorite part:
Excerpts from a 34-point note sent to a former roommate:
2. Your rent was always late and it was not paid in full.
4. You used the dishes and baking ware that we provided to you and often did not clean them, left them to ruin, or left them for someone else to clean because you were too busy rushing out the door to go party when you had all day off. If you have all day off, do something more than try to find someone, anyone to hang out with that night that just so happens to have a car and is willing to pick your lazy ass up.
22. Your friends have no right to use and mess up our bathroom. You have your own, it’s part of your room. Also, if they are going to be putting fruit remains in our garbage can, have them removed before they rot. While we’re on the subject…
23. Fruit flies. Need I say more?
25. We were quite upset that you didn’t buy us anything for Christmas worth more than $3. It’s not the money really, but $1.50 each, that’s just insulting. We noticed that week you borrowed money from your current fling to go out and party. I hope you did buy a self-help book at Chapters like you said you were planning.
29. When people have to work very early in the morning, like at 5am, it’s not very nice to have your loud-mouthed boyfriend chatting with you all night, take it somewhere else. Like his mom’s house where he still lives…
30. The clogged toilet thing, you got off easy on that one. Plumbing and property damage is a lot more important than rushing out the door to hang out with your friends. Prioritize.
33. The comment you made about being the type of person who can’t live with someone is something you should take serious consideration of. How are you going to continue living your faux Sex and the City lifestyle if your goal in life is to find a man you can live with, and if you are not the type of person that can actually live with someone?” B.M.
full story here; another choice excerpt after the jump.
Bottle baby
“This was his first time living on his own, he was a second-year university student, his parents did everything for him…cook, clean, buy food, laundry, etc. His room was beside mine. He would play his music loud, leave his dirty sweaty sports clothes all around the common areas. He had NO idea that dishes were washed by people and not some magical dish fairy or house elf. Me and the other roommates tried being subtle, from polite Post-Its on dirty dishes and his various stinking things left around.
Enough was enough, we had to take matters into our own hands. He had a date one night, he cooked her a meal at the flat. Afterwards he left the dirty dishes, uneaten food on the kitchen counter. We took all those dirty dishes, pots and pans, and food and put them in his bed. After he and his date came home, and decided to “get it on,” he found the dishes and such in his bed. He put them on the table outside his door. They stayed there for days until we washed them ourselves because they stank.
In the bathroom he would often leave his shaved whiskers in the sink, use half a roll of toilet paper in one trip, use all of our shampoo, etc. So. Enough was enough. We put onion salt on his toothbrush several times. He didn’t notice. Finally, after he used most of my expensive shampoo I snapped. I urinated in the shampoo bottle, there was only about an inch left of shampoo, I shook it all up to mix it in. I bought new shampoo that I kept in my room. He continued to use the urinated shampoo. He never clued in. I never told him.
I went to get my wisdom teeth out. When I got home later I found out he had ransacked my room looking for something he had left at the gym. I was furious. I called his mother. She came into town with his uncle’s truck, packed up his stuff, gave us a cheque and took him home for the summer. To this day, I have never seen him again.” B.W.
175 responses so far ↓
#1
LC
*LC pencils in “soyfucker” to handy pocket lexicon*
Brilliant, “soyfucker” is. Vegans are sanctimonious anorexics and you know it’s true.
LOVE LOVE LOVE the itemized list…basically reminds me of my pube-carpet roomie.
Sep 1, 2007 at 3:03 pm rating: 0
#2
Kai
Wow. That last part is truly passive-aggressive. Taking revenge on him in ways he may not even know about. The guy sure couldn’t take a hint- if he did notice, he couldn’t give a fuck. Imagine being his lucky date who finds the dishes in the bed- I bet that really lit her fire.
Well, I’m going to college guys- I’m sure I’ll have a passive-aggressive story or two to share. Natch!
P.S. Someone please explain the appeal of bacon? It’s treif, and besides, I wouldn’t eat it anyway. Being in the same room as bacon makes me ill. Part of that might have to do with the time someone dumped a bunch of bacon grease into a Port-a-Potty…
Sep 1, 2007 at 3:31 pm rating: 0
#3
Craniac
Hmmm … what is a “donair” pizza?
Sep 1, 2007 at 3:32 pm rating: 0
#4
Nanna
*giggles* Now this is a PRIME example of true passive-agression! The note is awesome! So many snide comments and little barbs! The words are poetry, and slightly hateful! They speak of someone who has been hoarding demerits against this person for ages, because they are too chicken to just say it to the person’s face!
Reminds me of a two page bitch-fest a roommate left for the rest of us years ago when we had no idea she was even angry about anything!
PS - I also congratulate the author of the fucking delicious phrase “soyfucker.”
Sep 1, 2007 at 3:37 pm rating: 0
#5
Jeff
Thank GOD someone finally put a self-righteous vegan in her (I’m assuming) place!
Veganism is a choice, people. You live in the real world where normal people eat meat. Your interests will always come second, deal with it.
Sep 1, 2007 at 3:56 pm rating: +2
#6
waking jonas
[...] i’d come across the sheer hilarity that is passive aggressive notes thanks to caoine, but today’s featured note is by far one of the funniest i’ve seen so [...]
Sep 1, 2007 at 4:22 pm rating: 0
#7
Foxtrot
Pissing in the shampoo bottle is great. Revenge is slowly becoming a lost art. It’s one of the key aspects of our nature that distinguishes us from animals and is not only appropriate, but healthy at times.
Sep 1, 2007 at 5:26 pm rating: 0
#8
Mr DeBakey
Donair Pizza?
The Best
Or, Can be
Donair meat , onions, To-mah-toes
vegatarians, meh
troublemakers if ya ask me [spits]
Sep 1, 2007 at 5:32 pm rating: 0
#9
Mark Oshiro
Vegans aren’t shitty people. Those people were probably shitty people before they went vegan. They just found something new to be shitty about.
Sep 1, 2007 at 5:45 pm rating: +6
#10
spiderflowers
I wonder if that guy still got dates when he had onion breath and hair that smelled like piss.
Hmmmmm.
Sep 1, 2007 at 5:46 pm rating: +1
#11
Porky
I love bacon!
Sep 1, 2007 at 6:06 pm rating: +1
#12
LC
So, call me out-of-the-loop, but I thought “donair pizza” was just a nonsensical rambling of a pissy, protein-deprived vegan. NOT SO…
Have a looksee…
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/King_of_Donair
I wonder if “donair pizza” has a special “odair” all its own…LOL
Sep 1, 2007 at 6:06 pm rating: 0
#13
Andy
Next up in Spiderman 4, Spidey takes on the most sinister of the sinister: The Vegan! Ahhhhhh!
Man, that second note is pure gold. That’s gold, I tell you! “Soyfucker” and “bacon is life”.
I want T-shirts, dammit!
That donair pizza was fucking delicious.
Sep 1, 2007 at 6:31 pm rating: 0
#14
Spooky MILF
Jeff: Right on!!
….*filing “soyfucker” away in the thesauras in my head*
Team Soyfucker!!!
Sep 1, 2007 at 6:55 pm rating: 0
#15
Fraulein N
I think Bottle Baby got everything that was coming to him. When subtle hints and vengeful product tainting don’t work, I guess your last resort pretty much is calling in Mommy or the po-po.
“Soyfucker”? That’s hilarious, y’all. Why is there a stinking mouse (I’m guessing those are stink lines) on the first note? Makes me think some rodent crawled in after that rotting donair pizza. And who could blame him? It was fucking delicious, after all.
Sep 1, 2007 at 6:57 pm rating: 0
#16
Sid
Isn’t compost for fruit and veg stuff only? I thought you weren’t supposed to put meat and cheese in it; something about the way it decomposes. Irrationally hate veganism as much as you want (btw I’m not vegan), but leaving meat around to rot seems like a really bad idea.
Sep 1, 2007 at 7:38 pm rating: +3
#17
Nanna
Yeah, meat in a compost really stinks it up.
Sep 1, 2007 at 8:12 pm rating: +2
#18
Patrick
In San Francisco, we compost all foods - and then some.
All Food
fruit, vegetables, meat, poultry, seafood, shellfish, bones, rice, beans, pasta, bread, cheese, and eggshells
Food-soiled Paper
waxed cardboard, napkins, paper towels, paper plates, paper milk cartons, tea bags, coffee grounds/filters, wooden crates, and sawdust
Plants
floral trimmings, tree trimmings, leaves, grass, brush, and weeds
Sep 1, 2007 at 9:12 pm rating: 0
#19
Joe
You compost wooden crates? And waxed cardboard??? Considering the fact it takes years for wood to rot in the wild, and wax never decomposes (when was the last time you saw a rotten candle?), in what century were you planning to use your compost? You do realize the point is to eventually use it as soil to grow things, right?
Sep 1, 2007 at 9:28 pm rating: +1
#20
dennis
hell yes bk is life….
Sep 1, 2007 at 10:37 pm rating: 0
#21
julie
unfortunately, the “soyfucker” note exchange was a staged photo for the article.
too bad, because it rocks.
Sep 2, 2007 at 1:40 am rating: 0
#22
Darcy
Mark @ 9 is right. Veganism doesn’t turn people into assholes, nor is it a lifestyle that only attracts assholes. It’s just that the only vegans we ever seem to hear from are the sanctimonious, twatty ones who can’t keep their own decisions out of other people’s faces.
Sep 2, 2007 at 2:12 am rating: +1
#23
Andy
julie: What? Someone would stage a photo (or note) for an article (or post)?!
Now you’ll be telling me there’s no Santa Claus.
Sep 2, 2007 at 7:41 am rating: 0
#24
Craniac
i’m still not clear on what “donair” is. i read the wikipedia article, and it manages to use the word numerous times without ever defining it! is it a kind of meat or fish (”halifax donair”)? or is it one of those insular things where you just have to live there (in nova scotia) to understand? maybe i should google it.
Sep 2, 2007 at 8:05 am rating: 0
#25
Craniac
oh, re “donair”, it’s from a turkish word that simply means “turning roast” and it’s like a gyro, I suppose.
See http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Donair
for a further wikipedia elucidation.
Sep 2, 2007 at 8:13 am rating: 0
#26
JanB
I love the site. I listed a blog award for your site on my blog.
Sep 2, 2007 at 8:21 am rating: 0
#27
southern girl
In case the Vegan didn’t know, King of Donairs offers TWO kinds of pizzas for him/her….
1. Heart Smart Vegetarian (comes with mushrooms, tom., gr peps, broccoli, zuchini, mozz cheese, tom sauce)
2. Greek pizza (olive oil, tom sauce, kalamata olives, onions, tom, feta and mozz cheeses)
Both sound good to me and I am not at all vegan.
If I were the NON-vegan, I’d make sure the next rotting pizza I put in the compost was EXTRA bacon.
Sep 2, 2007 at 10:51 am rating: 0
#28
not a vegan
Neither of those pizzas are vegan, since vegans don’t eat cheese. You’re thinking of vegetarians. Nice try, though.
Sep 2, 2007 at 12:24 pm rating: 0
#29
Joe
It’s clear from reading both the initial posts and the responses on this site that a lot of people have no idea what passive-aggressive means. The dictionary definition of P-A is “being, marked by, or displaying behavior characterized by expression of negative feelings, resentment, and aggression IN AN UNASSERTIVE WAY (as through PROCRASTINATION, STUBBORNNESS, AND UNWILLINGNESS TO COMMUNICATE).” (Sorry for the caps, but couldn’t get the bold to work.) So far I haven’t seen a single posting that contains truly passive-aggressive behavior. Plenty of aggressive behavior, yes, and plenty of pointed commentary, yes, but neither of these qualifies as P-A. Rather, they are the complete opposite of P-A, and the behavior the notes often target is the true example of P-A behavior. In fact, southern girl’s post is a perfect example of P-A behavior. She wouldn’t come right out and tell the OP “No, I won’t follow your rules,” but she would definitely let the OP know through her behavior that she wasn’t willing to toe the line.
Sep 2, 2007 at 12:25 pm rating: +1
#30
Kai
Joe- check WTF up top there. Danke Terry!
Sep 2, 2007 at 12:37 pm rating: 0
#31
Liz
southern girl: Neither of those pizzas is vegan, since they both have cheese on them and vegans don’t eat dairy. You’re thinking of vegetarians. Nice try, though.
Joe: http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/wtf
Sep 2, 2007 at 12:40 pm rating: 0
#32
Beppo
What’s the sperm thing that The Vegan drew at the top of his or her note?
The Vegan sounds like the name a really irritating Time Lord.
Sep 2, 2007 at 12:48 pm rating: 0
#33
Skirl | Dan Dickinson » Blog Archive » I am constant as the northern star
[...] the time in university, recently ripped off Passive-Aggressive Notes, a blog I quite enjoy. P.A.N. reposted the article, including this picture, which made me laugh my ass off. Ha ha ha ha. [...]
Sep 2, 2007 at 1:01 pm rating: 0
#34
Arianna
Er, the reason the mouse is there is that, while you technically can compost meat and cheese, it takes forever, stinks up the compost, and attracts all manner of mice, raccoons, rats, etc while it rots :/
Sep 2, 2007 at 4:23 pm rating: 0
#35
Will
I like it, I like it alot! And I stumbled it… I also like http://www.HadToSay.com because its real time, anyone can use it to send or browse anonymous notes for free, and the note recipient has the option of responding online.
Sep 2, 2007 at 4:51 pm rating: 0
#36
julie
#23 Andy: I’m fully aware that this is common practice in journalism. I just brought it up due to the fact that everyone else is reacting to that particular exchange as though it were a submitted (and therefore “true”) photo, and not just an illustration to the article.
Note comments #4, 5, 12, 27, 31, and pretty much EVERY SINGLE OTHER ONE on this thread.
Now… what’s this you say about Santa Claus?
Sep 2, 2007 at 5:09 pm rating: 0
#37
Andy
#35 julie: No worries. I’m bummed because that’s such a nice response note, though. Wish it was real. *sigh*
‘Tis funny that the most heated responses are from that note, though. We’re starting to get into compost philosophies and everything. Deep, man.
Sep 2, 2007 at 5:25 pm rating: 0
#38
Andy
Oh… and regarding Santa Claus, well, let’s just say that the elves have left him some doozy notes about leaving his, erm, cookies and milk laying around, if you get my drift.
Sep 2, 2007 at 5:26 pm rating: 0
#39
GVI
that piss shampoo works wonders with my hair, i have a thick full head of hair =D
Sep 2, 2007 at 8:23 pm rating: 0
#40
fellow vegan
awwwwww, i cant believe its not real. that was the funniest thing ive seen all week.
as a vegan living with two non-vegans, i can certainly relate…….
Sep 2, 2007 at 8:49 pm rating: 0
#41
GVI
do u have to deal with donair in your compost also??
Sep 2, 2007 at 9:58 pm rating: 0
#42
Nanna
Team Julie is a killjoy.
Sep 2, 2007 at 11:50 pm rating: 0
#43
GVI
Yes i have to agree, i say we ban Julie from here the best way we know how.
Sep 3, 2007 at 1:12 am rating: 0
#44
butterfly
soyfucker!
Bacon est la vie! Vive le bacon!
lol
Sep 3, 2007 at 3:07 am rating: 0
#45
Andy
Now, now. Let’s not get hasty regarding Julie. She just didn’t want our respective panties getting bunched up over something which was staged. You know, like the moon landing.
Sep 3, 2007 at 5:00 am rating: 0
#46
aliastaken
Like his mom’s house where he still lives…
Heh, heh…
Sep 3, 2007 at 9:09 am rating: 0
#47
Tarn
From Craniac’s post: “oh, re “donairâ€, it’s from a turkish word that simply means “turning roast†and it’s like a gyro, I suppose. ”
Here in the UK it’s usually spelt ‘Doner’ and followed by ‘kebab’. A big lump of marinated formed meat (usually lamb) on an upright turning spit, from which slices are cut. A ‘doner kebab’ is said slices in a split pitta bread with salad. Hot sauce & a pickled chili can be added to taste.
A kebab is a very popular take-way snack after a night of binge drinking. Kebab shops are often open til the early hours to catch such customers.
Topic? The more I read stories like those, the more I thank god I can afford to live alone now!
People suck.
Sep 3, 2007 at 10:25 am rating: 0
#48
leslie
most backyard composts are meant to exclude meat because it attracts larger animals and becomes unsanitary when it rots. i myself have had to remind people not to put their meaty leftovers in the compost, as i don’t want to have maggots all over my backyard/garden. (meat can be home composted by finely grinding it up and turning the compost daily, although i doubt many people know this and just toss it in)
Sep 3, 2007 at 10:38 am rating: 0
#49
janine
But in Canada, Donair refers to a specific recipe associated with the King Donair pizza chain: http://www.cfa.harvard.edu/~gpetitpas/Links/Donair.html.
Sep 3, 2007 at 10:49 am rating: 0
#50
Dee
Wow.
Alright, the compost is for composting old food right? I’m a vegetarian and I’m not a jerk! I think this person just doesn’t know what compost means.
com·post (kÅm’pÅst’) Pronunciation Key
n.
A mixture of decaying organic matter, as from leaves and manure, used to improve soil structure and provide nutrients.
A composition; a mixture.
I believe Donair pizza is organic matter, so stfu goober.
Sep 3, 2007 at 11:02 am rating: 0
#51
Mrs L Carrot
Soyfucker! I LOVE that word… I can’t wait for an opportunity to use it offensively!
Re compost, here in Blighty we’re like San Fran, paper, meat, bones, veg… so long as it’ll decompose chuck it in.
Sep 3, 2007 at 11:34 am rating: 0
#52
Alex
I live in an area that does not provide a compost service, so we have a spot in our yard we use for compost. Unfortunately we can’t put meat in it because of the smell and the wildlife it attracts. Our neighbours, on the other hand, seem to think that anything goes: meat, kitty litter, dishrags… basically things that smell (a lot!)/aren’t decomposable.
Sep 3, 2007 at 12:03 pm rating: 0
#53
richard
’tis a bad idea to put meat in your compost pile, unless you are hot-composting (where it gets hot enough to kill off the nasty bugs like E.Coli.).
Sep 3, 2007 at 1:19 pm rating: 0
#54
Livy
FWIW, Halifax (and most communities in Nova Scotia) have green bin (compost) pick-up every week or every other week.
I assume the pizza being complained about in this hypothetical situation is sitting under the kitchen sink in the small compost bin, not in the big one that is kept outside. And donair sauce smells *rank* when it starts to rot. Between the sugar and the garlic and the condensed milk… it’s like keeping a dead skunk under your sink.
Sep 3, 2007 at 4:04 pm rating: 0