for the purposes of this project, we’re using a pretty broad definition of “passive-aggressive” that roughly correlates with how the term is popularly used. as the new york times wrote: “the classic description of the behavior captures a stubborn malcontent, someone who passively resists fulfilling routine tasks, complains of being misunderstood and underappreciated, unreasonably scorns authority and voices exaggerated complaints of personal misfortune.”
that said, some of the notes found here aren’t really passive-aggressive even by our generous standards. some of these notes are really more aggressive in tone, and some of them are more passive — polite, even — but they all share a common sense of frustration that’s been channeled into written form rather than a direct confrontation. it’s barbed criticism disguised as something else — helpful advice, a funny joke, simple forgetfulness. as dr. scott wetzler, a clinical psychologist and the author of living with the passive-aggressive man, observed: “a joke can be the most skillful passive-aggressive act there is.”
if you enjoy railing against the flagrant abuse of the english language, you’ll find yourself very much at home here. (cue up the alanis morissette and try these notes, for starters.) you’ll probably also get a kick out of literally, a web log, apostrophe abuse, and the “blog” of “unnecessary” quotation marks. and if plunging the depths of our collective neuroses is what you’re into, you’ll no doubt appreciate the fine work of our fellow travelers at found magazine, postsecret, and mortified.
care to quibble further? let’s talk.
xoxo,
kerry
69 responses so far ↓
#69 jacob on Apr 21, 2008 at 3:02 pm
what is up with the half-eaten breakfast at the top of the page? i’m really having a hard time figuring out its relevance…
#68 Eileen on Apr 11, 2008 at 10:02 pm
I always thought passive aggressive was a way of communicating without actually saying what you’re upset about, specially reserved for those who like to avoid confrontation. Like the silent treatment or deep sighs that say “poor me”. I guess a not could qualify if it’s something that could be easily dealt with in person, but you write a note so that you can avoid a confrontation. I didn’t think that there was any actual aggressive behavior associated with it - like the passive behavior replaces aggressive behavior but you know that there is something seething beneath the surface. It’s fun to play games with passive aggressive people and pretend you have no idea. I like to say to them, “use your words.”
#67 Sherry on Apr 1, 2008 at 2:06 pm
Hilarious. If only I’d know sooner, I would have saved so many notes from college. And thanks for the stuff white people like blog link on the blogroll. So funny. You should put http://www.stuffethnicpeoplelike.com up too.
#66 Passive Agressive Notes « Professor Zero on Mar 19, 2008 at 7:15 pm
[…] Passive Agressive Notes Jump to Comments Thanks to Momo I have discovered the blog Passive Agressive Notes, and it is very useful. I did not realize how very many people I know fit the paradigm so perfectly. The site explains: […]
#65 Kjer on Mar 15, 2008 at 11:05 pm
wow this is tight
i was watchi attack of the show, and passive aggressive notes.com won for the best blog entery hahahaha lmao i have never herd of this website untill….. 3 min ago and i’m already in love with it!!!
lol im lame
#64 Crash
on Dec 19, 2007 at 12:58 pm
It might also be your FEED if all else fails Reality.
Maybe..I’m not that great at trouble shooting.
#63 Crash
on Dec 19, 2007 at 12:39 pm
Le’me know how it goes….It’s good to hear from you.
It would be awsome to have you back too.
#62 Crash
on Dec 19, 2007 at 12:34 pm
Can you delete your old account and make a new one ?
#61 Crash
on Dec 19, 2007 at 12:33 pm
By the way hon, thats me below you AKA Olrun…
#60 reality on Dec 19, 2007 at 12:33 pm
I have tried
#59 Crash
on Dec 19, 2007 at 12:32 pm
Reality;
Is there a way you could re-start your account here and change your password so you can register ?
#58 Crash
on Dec 19, 2007 at 12:19 pm
Reality ?? as in Astoria Oregon is that you in here ?
#57 reality on Dec 19, 2007 at 12:05 pm
Somebody,anybody, Help me get out of here!!!!!!! I’ve been lost in the storm!
#56 reality on Dec 19, 2007 at 11:58 am
I am alive and well, just can’t seem to log in after many resets of password. No one will see this just wanted to post message that I am stuck in Reality!!!!!
#55 Olrun
on Dec 11, 2007 at 4:42 pm
Hi,
I haven’t seen this room before.
Just wanted to say “hi” though.
#54 tootle on Nov 7, 2007 at 2:59 am
The RSS feed isn’t working at the moment. It hasn’t worked for the last 3 days…
#53 WanderingPenguin
on Sep 28, 2007 at 11:18 am
I realize this is “only” from Wikipedia, but I think it bears checking out - and I’m looking at YOU, Lex.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Passive-aggressive_behavior
I think you may want to pay particular attention to the line which reads, “Alternatively, leaving notes to avoid face-to-face discussion/confrontation, is another form of passive-aggressive behavior.”
If you use that as a decent definition, then almost everything on this site can be classified as “passive/aggressive” just by dint of being a note left to avoid confrontation. Whereas this note of mine wouldn’t qualify because I have written it specifically to be confrontational and it’s the only outlet I have - leaving you a note. See how that works?
#52 vv on Sep 15, 2007 at 2:22 pm
some of these notes you can’t read because the image is way too small. Could you type out what they say as well as post the photo of the note? It would help a lot when trying to read them.
#51 Craniac on Aug 14, 2007 at 10:02 pm
I emailed a friend about this site and got this reply:
” i will check it out as soon as i get over my guilt for wasting time reading your email . . . ”
Is that not masterful PA? Of course, she meant it only tongue in cheek . . . I think.
#50 Andy on Jul 25, 2007 at 6:01 pm
No.
Passive-aggressive is when you spray the Lysol ON Typhoid Mary.
Or, leaving a note at your cube saying, “To all people with Typhus: Please go to a remote island, as I wish to keep my lungs. Thanks in advance!”
#49 Office GermWarfare Warrior on Jul 25, 2007 at 5:55 pm
So is it passive aggressive when Typhod Mary coughs with her mouth open tounge sticking out and not covered and I spray lysol all over my cubical?
#48 Andy on Jul 25, 2007 at 5:39 pm
Lex: I disagree with you. If you leave a note that’s addressed to everyone, yet you’re meaning it for one person, that’s passive-aggressive.
If you leave a note trying to “teach” someone why they are such disgusting, vile people is passive-aggressive.
However, you are correct. The vast majority of these notes do not conform to even the most liberal interpretation of the actual concept.
As you stated, it’s amusing, and that’s all that matters for me here. I really don’t think I’m going to use the examples here when I take my passive-aggressive identification exam next week.
Anyhoo, I’d much preferred you have typed that note out, stuck it on your apartment’s refrigerator, then ph0tograph it and send it here. Then I would’ve had fun mocking it. Pity.
#47 Lex on Jul 25, 2007 at 2:58 pm
I left a note for my roommate and she threw a fit and called me passive aggressive. Now I know why. Leaving a note is almost *never* passive aggressive. It could be, but the note would have to be almost senseless. And “passive aggressive” does not mean leaving a note. Passive aggressive is when someone does something aggressive to someone instead of confronting them or a problem. Almost all of these notes directly confront the problem. Posting a note on a bulletin board saying people shouldn’t take their shoes off, as an example, is a lot of things, but passive aggressive isn’t one of them. A passive aggressive response to being angry at your cube-neighbors stinky feet would be to bring in something even more stinky.
Response 47 above me manages to illustrate my point in one sentence… screw it, I’m not editing xD
The note collection you have is quite amusing and at least I now know why my idiot roommate thinks that notes are passive-aggressive. You do admit that your definition is very broad but the fact of the matter is it’s just plain dead wrong for the vast majority of your collection and you’re encouraging stupidity. Please stop.
#46 BWelsh on Jul 24, 2007 at 4:23 pm
In reality passive aggressive notes can be found on every, and I mean every message board on the Internet, but I’m so delighted to find out where the smart people post them.
#45 huh? on Jul 16, 2007 at 10:57 pm
I thought the passive aggressive guy was the one that didn’t do dishes to piss off the roommates, not the one who posted the little note complaining about the dishes.
#44 Serene on Jul 15, 2007 at 11:30 pm
Man….I wish I had taken a pic of this one passive-superaggressive note I had written last year. It would have left right at home amongst all these masterpieces….
(But man, I felt so great after leaving that note!)
#43 Belle on Jul 7, 2007 at 3:42 am
Ha, I’m an idiot. I just saw it as I scrolled up.
#42 Belle on Jul 7, 2007 at 3:42 am
Fantastic site! Do you have an rss feed?
#41 KW on Jul 6, 2007 at 5:52 am
Oh, how I wish that this site had existed when I was in college and living in a dorm suite with two prissy obnoxious note-leavers.
#40 Gabrielle on Jun 27, 2007 at 5:55 pm
This is why the Internet is the greatest thing on Earth. *high five*
#39 jyoseph on Jun 22, 2007 at 12:07 am
Love the site, keep up the good work!!
#38 Mike on Jun 18, 2007 at 8:45 pm
I’m amused, really. It reminds me of something I posted once, in a college bathroom…
I shared a dorm floor for a summer with two other guys. There was a community restroom, and a single-user bathroom, as well, and in the single, I had grown tired of urine on the toilet seat.
One day, I went back to my room, fired up the computer, and made a sign, on which I wrote the following:
“NOTICE: It has been proved that holding your penis during urination can improve your aim by up to 99.2%.”
Within a day, one of the guys had handwritten a note on the sign something about “proved” not being a word — it’s “proven”. (Not true, exactly. Either is considered correct.) But since it was one of two guys, and I recognised the handwriting, I now knew who was pissing on the seat…
Interestingly enough, though, it ceased to happen anymore. Someone might have been embarrassed… or just prompted to pay more attention.
#37 Chris M on Jun 18, 2007 at 4:26 pm
It seems all the pics are now hosted on flickr. Is that new? It’s unfortunate for me: Flickr is firewalled here at work.
#36 hellojed on Jun 15, 2007 at 8:00 am
Absolutely genius idea!
#35 Devan on Jun 12, 2007 at 9:24 pm
It seems, from this site, there are three kinds of people in this world, the writer of the note, the “intended” recipient of the note, and the innocent bystander. I’m usually the second one, and will definitely be posting soon!
#34 jeff on Jun 11, 2007 at 4:45 pm
I think you’ve come up with a great idea! However, if it’s all the same to you, I’d appreciate it if you could, in future, try to post clearer pictures.
Thx!!!
#33 cuzzy on Jun 11, 2007 at 3:39 am
amazing idea!
letting everyone do the work for you is just brilliant
#32 Snufkin on Jun 9, 2007 at 11:28 pm
If ya’ll ever take contributions a la Found or PostSecret, I have a couple awesome notes from my upstairs neighbor. Basically she’s a 70something year old lady from Germany with limited English who likes to leave me helpful notes about how I need to do laundry around her sleeping schedule or not cook with teriyaki because it’s ruining her furniture. Although my latest favorite (no note unfortunately) was her calling the property managers to insist that every time I run the A/C, I’m triggering the pilot light in her place and trying to give her CO2 poisoning.
#31 lowercase L on Jun 9, 2007 at 9:50 pm
Thank you for Blogrolling me, PAN! Wouldn’t it be great if we find a passive-aggressive note written in all caps except for lowercase L’s?
#30 A Lesson A Day on Jun 8, 2007 at 6:31 am
This is clearly the second best site on any of the internets. So, everyone, let’s pitch in and keep it that way. Everyone deserves to enjoy a nice site like this.
#29 Trula on Jun 7, 2007 at 6:53 pm
This site is brilliant! I laughed so hard reading some entries. Excellent concept!
#28 Ty on Jun 4, 2007 at 9:02 am
OMG! I saved a note from a college roommate to always remind me of A) how crazy she was, and B) how crazy I wasn’t…Must find that note to send to you!! (note: she was my roommate in 1999/2000…and I know I still have it…
)
This is great!
#27 Esther on Jun 2, 2007 at 6:26 am
Find this site has made my day! Keep up the good work.
#26 piereth on Jun 1, 2007 at 6:56 am
I just adore the smell of all that pent-up irritation and cringemaking righteous anger. Evolution? This is all the farther we’ve come! Squabbling like a bunch of apes at a banana convention. You guys are the way ahead!
#25 Travelling With Hope on May 31, 2007 at 11:51 pm
oh thank you for a much needed laugh today. my old roommate was the queen of notes. she would leave them on the back of the door of the toilet, so when you sat down, you were forced to read it. too bad i didn’t save them!
#24 modobs on May 31, 2007 at 6:36 am
This blog is absolutely wonderful. Keep it up !
#23 Al aka Elizabeth on May 29, 2007 at 2:09 pm
i hate doing taxes so i appreciate all the funny notes to make my day go by faster!
keep it up!
Big Al
#22 Mel on May 28, 2007 at 11:15 pm
Brilliant. I wish I had some of the archives of notes left in the office I used to work in… the variety ranged from notes about stolen food (always a classic) to boogers on the walls in the ladies room (it’s not always the men’s room that’s messier, apparently). Sadly, I now work mostly from home, and passive-aggressive as my boyfriend and I might be, we tend to act it out rather than leave notes.
But I do love reading other people’s, er, dirty laundry.
Keep it up.
#21 Dooser on May 28, 2007 at 9:51 pm
where’s the feeeed?
#20 ren25 on May 28, 2007 at 9:07 am
Great site, very enjoyable. Should I come across any appropriate messages, I shall send them to you (do emails count?)
#19 arows1faith on May 25, 2007 at 9:07 pm
Ditto ^^^^
Arow
#18 El Creel on May 25, 2007 at 8:34 pm
So the best passive aggressive note I’ve ever left has sadly gone into the dumpster. My dumb ass roommate affectionately named “dirty bear” lives in the attic and has the domestic acumen of a hyper-active spoiled four-year-old. He left his massive sams club frozen lasagna box in the trash un-crumpled. There was no space for anything else. What resulted was said box being put in his bed with this lovely little note writting in the first person with the box as the speaker, “As a box I am personally offended at being subjected to the trash in an uncrumpeled state. I enjoy communing with the other kitchen scraps and would prefer to be collapsed and inserted into the trash can, or if you want to be a real winner and further my cause, please take me to the dumpster. Thanks, The Box.”
#17 Michael on May 25, 2007 at 11:14 am
instead of a single note, can I submit an entire person? like my mother?
#16 Tony on May 25, 2007 at 10:29 am
I agree this is an excellent idea. Also don’t forget about TEXT MESSAGES. The younger generations are much just as likely to communicate displeasure with those! I also agree with the person who says take PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE out of your title. It confuses what your concept is and doesn’t really make sense. Think “Angry” or “Seething”. Put those words in at thesaurus.com and I’m sure you’ll find the PERFECT name for this great concept. Good Luck
#15 Jones on May 24, 2007 at 1:30 am
I am loving your site! it is hilarious. but I must be angry with you: because I have found your site (through honeyjar, btw. check the link, I guest blogg there sometimes) I now cannot do my work because I must read your stuff. if my performance review turns out badly, I am blaming you, ok?
#14 julie on May 23, 2007 at 6:35 pm
i like alot of these ive got a letter i wrote my mom maybe i should put it up here but i dont know if its considered passive aggressive
#13 Dave on May 23, 2007 at 11:21 am
Does this mean I’ll have to take photos of all the notes I leave for my housemate now?
#12 Jeannette on May 23, 2007 at 10:53 am
I don’t mean to be too bossy here because I know that you have sooo much on your plate right now! But anyway, I’m sure you know that offices are usually the best places to observe classic passive-aggressive behavior in its purest form. So, I think it would be GREAT if you could maybe incorporate a collection of those office emails that we all love so much into your FABULOUS project. I mean, my work email inbox right now is one steaming load of passive-aggressive notes, full of “suggestions” and “recommendations.” Well…you get the picture.
Thanks sooo much and keep up the super duper GREAT work!
#11 whatladder on May 22, 2007 at 10:04 pm
This idea is awesome! I will definitely go through my files at work tomorrow and see if I kept that fabulous note I got from my co-worker after I asked him to stop sexually harrassing me.
#10 O. Dear on May 22, 2007 at 10:02 pm
This is amazing. I heart you.
#9 Stef on May 22, 2007 at 9:17 pm
Excellent idea. Passive aggresive notes should definitely be ridiculed..
#8 Lindsay on May 22, 2007 at 5:25 pm
Amazing! After my girlfriend and I looked at this we decided it needed a “Crazy Captain’s log” section just to document all of the crazy notes/emails/text messages she leaves us.
#7 Rick on May 22, 2007 at 4:48 pm
Man, I had a great one…My neighbor left a note for me that read “Dear neighbor: I was wondering if you were planning on doing anything about your tree. It’s branches are hanging over our fence…” It went on like that without ever coming out and asking me to do anything, i.e., get my tree trimmed. It was pathetic.
#6 Crizzle on May 22, 2007 at 3:57 pm
This is a great idea. I’m only sorry I’ve thrown away some of the notes I’ve received from roommates.
#5 onesorryblog on May 22, 2007 at 3:13 pm
Your “About” page has the same name as that of One Sorry Blog! I wonder how many others there are?
#4 Lauren D on May 22, 2007 at 3:09 pm
Absolutely LOVE this project. My roommate is very passive agressive and leaves some of the funniest notes around. They are so mean, yet decorated with hearts. She never wants confrontation so there are notes everywhere. I just sent you the most recent. I’m definately bookmarking your site.
#3 Elizabeth on May 22, 2007 at 1:46 pm
This is fantastic!! How long do you intend to keep this site going?? We gets loads of notes in our kitchen at my office.
#2 josh on May 22, 2007 at 10:29 am
It seems to me that you have made the definition of ‘passive-aggressive’ be leaving a note for someone, and maybe the note includes the word please, but maybe not.
I like the idea of documenting these notes, but I think that your name is off and/or your collection too broad.
When I need to communicate with an unknown person who visits a known place, there is no option other than to leave a note. (or stand there indefinately waiting for the person, and of course there is a high liklihood that said person - who is unknown to me - will not display the unwanted behavior in my presence)
I left a note once on two mystery trashcans that showed up in front of my house one trash day. I did not want them, so I left them there. They were still there a week later. I put a note on them. The note didn’t work. I still have the trashcans.
You probably would have liked the note.
#1 Andy on May 22, 2007 at 8:16 am
Wonderful idea. I wish I’d saved the mass of notes that have been left in my current flat.
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