for the purposes of this project, we’re using a pretty broad definition of “passive-aggressive” that roughly correlates with how the term is popularly used. as the new york times wrote: “the classic description of the behavior captures a stubborn malcontent, someone who passively resists fulfilling routine tasks, complains of being misunderstood and underappreciated, unreasonably scorns authority and voices exaggerated complaints of personal misfortune.”
that said, some of the notes found here aren’t really passive-aggressive even by our generous standards. some of these notes are really more aggressive in tone, and some of them are more passive — polite, even — but they all share a common sense of frustration that’s been channeled into written form rather than a direct confrontation. it’s barbed criticism disguised as something else — helpful advice, a funny joke, simple forgetfulness. as dr. scott wetzler, a clinical psychologist and the author of living with the passive-aggressive man, observed: “a joke can be the most skillful passive-aggressive act there is.”
if you enjoy railing against the flagrant abuse of the english language, you’ll find yourself very much at home here. (cue up the alanis morissette and try these notes, for starters.) you’ll probably also get a kick out of literally, a web log, apostrophe abuse, and the “blog” of “unnecessary” quotation marks. and if plunging the depths of our collective neuroses is what you’re into, you’ll no doubt appreciate the fine work of our fellow travelers at found magazine, postsecret, and mortified.
care to quibble further? let’s talk.
xoxo,
kerry
81 responses so far ↓
#81 Liath
Lex,
Try saying
“Please Stop.”
Jun 14, 2008 at 10:47 pm
#80 Liath
Oh, please!
Josh, a real note will advertise that the extra trashcans are for sale & set a high price.
You do want someone to take them away, right? Informally, at no cost?
Jun 14, 2008 at 10:42 pm
#79 Canthz_B
The Goddess back-edits!
Jun 14, 2008 at 1:27 pm
#78 Mishee
so then, you like most porn then, huh?
I actually think I saw your mom on one of the videos that I linked to!
Jun 14, 2008 at 11:54 am
#77 RunBarbara
i only like porn if my family members are in it.
Jun 14, 2008 at 11:36 am
#76 Mishee
*wonders if Kerry realizes that all those kudos with the “967e97″ at the end are actually people linking us to porn?*
I mean, who doesn’t like porn? But does it belong on PAN’s WTF page? (probably) - but just wanted to let others know in case there are kids in the room or something!
Jun 14, 2008 at 11:15 am
#75 Canthz_B
I love this site and hope “Prince” can forgive us all for being just a little bit human while we blow off some steam to keep our lives just a little bit more sane.
If not, Prince, go ahead and forget that I exist just like you have forgotten what a sense of humor is.
We would all like to write a crazy note every now and again. Most of us stop and realize just how nutty it could look. Some of us do not.
These are the people we choose to make light of.
☮
Jun 14, 2008 at 2:52 am
#74 Prince
To everyone who reads this site.
I really hope you enjoy reading this “webpage” and have a “great” laugh, at other people’s expense; I really don’t mean to type loudly at you; however, I am disgusted with your humor and you should be punished for this blasphamous reading” … ” I would like nothing more but to be your friends but if you keep this up (reading this non-sense) I will have to forget you ever existed. I hope that we can work past this, and if not, you can go ahead and die of natural causes ok ” ? ” After all we all live in a place called “earth and share the “Internet” that makes us all neighbours! and Neighbours should be friendly but if pushed a Neighbours can be an angry thing! Let’s keep the world a happy place to live ok?
Thanks for being my cyber neighbours!
Never change! (Just what we mentioned aboveok?)
“Your” Cyber Neighbour;
Prince
Jun 12, 2008 at 8:31 am
#73 dave
I used to joke around sometimes using a fake passive-aggressive tone but too many people thought I wasn’t joking and got offended. That’s OK, but trying to explain what you were doing and why you were doing it in the that situation crushes any youth that’s left in your heart.
Jun 8, 2008 at 6:36 am
#72 Freddy
Hi Kerry!
Just sent you an email, but thought I’d leave a comment hear to make sure you get this - I’ve tired emailing several times but never heard back(my personal email address may have ended up your spam). Anyway - Love your site to death and was proud to be on your blogroll, but saw that you removed us and I hope we didn’t upset you! Please drop me a note!
Jun 7, 2008 at 4:22 pm
#71 Marcus
Perhaps the half eaten breakfast is symbolic of the washing up you haven’t done, causing the writing of a note.
May 21, 2008 at 9:28 am
#70 itaspeech
use your words.
i am a speech pathologist who used to work in a school with small children.
i said: use your words
all day long.
this site is hilarious!
May 19, 2008 at 4:35 pm
#69 jacob
what is up with the half-eaten breakfast at the top of the page? i’m really having a hard time figuring out its relevance…
Apr 21, 2008 at 3:02 pm
#68 Eileen
I always thought passive aggressive was a way of communicating without actually saying what you’re upset about, specially reserved for those who like to avoid confrontation. Like the silent treatment or deep sighs that say “poor me”. I guess a not could qualify if it’s something that could be easily dealt with in person, but you write a note so that you can avoid a confrontation. I didn’t think that there was any actual aggressive behavior associated with it - like the passive behavior replaces aggressive behavior but you know that there is something seething beneath the surface. It’s fun to play games with passive aggressive people and pretend you have no idea. I like to say to them, “use your words.”
Apr 11, 2008 at 10:02 pm
#67 Sherry
Hilarious. If only I’d know sooner, I would have saved so many notes from college. And thanks for the stuff white people like blog link on the blogroll. So funny. You should put http://www.stuffethnicpeoplelike.com up too.
Apr 1, 2008 at 2:06 pm
#66 Passive Agressive Notes « Professor Zero
[...] Passive Agressive Notes Jump to Comments Thanks to Momo I have discovered the blog Passive Agressive Notes, and it is very useful. I did not realize how very many people I know fit the paradigm so perfectly. The site explains: [...]
Mar 19, 2008 at 7:15 pm
#65 Kjer
wow this is tight
i was watchi attack of the show, and passive aggressive notes.com won for the best blog entery hahahaha lmao i have never herd of this website untill….. 3 min ago and i’m already in love with it!!!
lol im lame
Mar 15, 2008 at 11:05 pm
#64 Crash
It might also be your FEED if all else fails Reality.
Maybe..I’m not that great at trouble shooting.
Dec 19, 2007 at 12:58 pm
#63 Crash
Le’me know how it goes….It’s good to hear from you.
It would be awsome to have you back too.
Dec 19, 2007 at 12:39 pm
#62 Crash
Can you delete your old account and make a new one ?
Dec 19, 2007 at 12:34 pm
#61 Crash
By the way hon, thats me below you AKA Olrun…
Dec 19, 2007 at 12:33 pm
#60 reality
I have tried
Dec 19, 2007 at 12:33 pm
#59 Crash
Reality;
Is there a way you could re-start your account here and change your password so you can register ?
Dec 19, 2007 at 12:32 pm
#58 Crash
Reality ?? as in Astoria Oregon is that you in here ?
Dec 19, 2007 at 12:19 pm
#57 reality
Somebody,anybody, Help me get out of here!!!!!!! I’ve been lost in the storm!
Dec 19, 2007 at 12:05 pm
#56 reality
I am alive and well, just can’t seem to log in after many resets of password. No one will see this just wanted to post message that I am stuck in Reality!!!!!
Dec 19, 2007 at 11:58 am
#55 Olrun
Hi,
I haven’t seen this room before.
Just wanted to say “hi” though.
Dec 11, 2007 at 4:42 pm
#54 tootle
The RSS feed isn’t working at the moment. It hasn’t worked for the last 3 days…
Nov 7, 2007 at 2:59 am
#53 WanderingPenguin
I realize this is “only” from Wikipedia, but I think it bears checking out - and I’m looking at YOU, Lex.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Passive-aggressive_behavior
I think you may want to pay particular attention to the line which reads, “Alternatively, leaving notes to avoid face-to-face discussion/confrontation, is another form of passive-aggressive behavior.”
If you use that as a decent definition, then almost everything on this site can be classified as “passive/aggressive” just by dint of being a note left to avoid confrontation. Whereas this note of mine wouldn’t qualify because I have written it specifically to be confrontational and it’s the only outlet I have - leaving you a note. See how that works?
Sep 28, 2007 at 11:18 am
#52 vv
some of these notes you can’t read because the image is way too small. Could you type out what they say as well as post the photo of the note? It would help a lot when trying to read them.
Sep 15, 2007 at 2:22 pm
#51 Craniac
I emailed a friend about this site and got this reply:
” i will check it out as soon as i get over my guilt for wasting time reading your email . . . ”
Is that not masterful PA? Of course, she meant it only tongue in cheek . . . I think.
Aug 14, 2007 at 10:02 pm
#50 Andy
No.
Passive-aggressive is when you spray the Lysol ON Typhoid Mary.
Or, leaving a note at your cube saying, “To all people with Typhus: Please go to a remote island, as I wish to keep my lungs. Thanks in advance!”
Jul 25, 2007 at 6:01 pm
#49 Office GermWarfare Warrior
So is it passive aggressive when Typhod Mary coughs with her mouth open tounge sticking out and not covered and I spray lysol all over my cubical?
Jul 25, 2007 at 5:55 pm
#48 Andy
Lex: I disagree with you. If you leave a note that’s addressed to everyone, yet you’re meaning it for one person, that’s passive-aggressive.
If you leave a note trying to “teach” someone why they are such disgusting, vile people is passive-aggressive.
However, you are correct. The vast majority of these notes do not conform to even the most liberal interpretation of the actual concept.
As you stated, it’s amusing, and that’s all that matters for me here. I really don’t think I’m going to use the examples here when I take my passive-aggressive identification exam next week.
Anyhoo, I’d much preferred you have typed that note out, stuck it on your apartment’s refrigerator, then ph0tograph it and send it here. Then I would’ve had fun mocking it. Pity.
Jul 25, 2007 at 5:39 pm
#47 Lex
I left a note for my roommate and she threw a fit and called me passive aggressive. Now I know why. Leaving a note is almost *never* passive aggressive. It could be, but the note would have to be almost senseless. And “passive aggressive” does not mean leaving a note. Passive aggressive is when someone does something aggressive to someone instead of confronting them or a problem. Almost all of these notes directly confront the problem. Posting a note on a bulletin board saying people shouldn’t take their shoes off, as an example, is a lot of things, but passive aggressive isn’t one of them. A passive aggressive response to being angry at your cube-neighbors stinky feet would be to bring in something even more stinky.
Response 47 above me manages to illustrate my point in one sentence… screw it, I’m not editing xD
The note collection you have is quite amusing and at least I now know why my idiot roommate thinks that notes are passive-aggressive. You do admit that your definition is very broad but the fact of the matter is it’s just plain dead wrong for the vast majority of your collection and you’re encouraging stupidity. Please stop.
Jul 25, 2007 at 2:58 pm
#46 BWelsh
In reality passive aggressive notes can be found on every, and I mean every message board on the Internet, but I’m so delighted to find out where the smart people post them.
Jul 24, 2007 at 4:23 pm
#45 huh?
I thought the passive aggressive guy was the one that didn’t do dishes to piss off the roommates, not the one who posted the little note complaining about the dishes.
Jul 16, 2007 at 10:57 pm
#44 Serene
Man….I wish I had taken a pic of this one passive-superaggressive note I had written last year. It would have left right at home amongst all these masterpieces….
(But man, I felt so great after leaving that note!)
Jul 15, 2007 at 11:30 pm
#43 Belle
Ha, I’m an idiot. I just saw it as I scrolled up.
Jul 7, 2007 at 3:42 am
#42 Belle
Fantastic site! Do you have an rss feed?
Jul 7, 2007 at 3:42 am
#41 KW
Oh, how I wish that this site had existed when I was in college and living in a dorm suite with two prissy obnoxious note-leavers.
Jul 6, 2007 at 5:52 am
#40 Gabrielle
This is why the Internet is the greatest thing on Earth. *high five*
Jun 27, 2007 at 5:55 pm
#39 jyoseph
Love the site, keep up the good work!!
Jun 22, 2007 at 12:07 am
#38 Mike
I’m amused, really. It reminds me of something I posted once, in a college bathroom…
I shared a dorm floor for a summer with two other guys. There was a community restroom, and a single-user bathroom, as well, and in the single, I had grown tired of urine on the toilet seat.
One day, I went back to my room, fired up the computer, and made a sign, on which I wrote the following:
“NOTICE: It has been proved that holding your penis during urination can improve your aim by up to 99.2%.”
Within a day, one of the guys had handwritten a note on the sign something about “proved” not being a word — it’s “proven”. (Not true, exactly. Either is considered correct.) But since it was one of two guys, and I recognised the handwriting, I now knew who was pissing on the seat…
Interestingly enough, though, it ceased to happen anymore. Someone might have been embarrassed… or just prompted to pay more attention.
Jun 18, 2007 at 8:45 pm
#37 Chris M
It seems all the pics are now hosted on flickr. Is that new? It’s unfortunate for me: Flickr is firewalled here at work.
Jun 18, 2007 at 4:26 pm
#36 hellojed
Absolutely genius idea!
Jun 15, 2007 at 8:00 am
#35 Devan
It seems, from this site, there are three kinds of people in this world, the writer of the note, the “intended” recipient of the note, and the innocent bystander. I’m usually the second one, and will definitely be posting soon!
Jun 12, 2007 at 9:24 pm
#34 jeff
I think you’ve come up with a great idea! However, if it’s all the same to you, I’d appreciate it if you could, in future, try to post clearer pictures.
Thx!!!
Jun 11, 2007 at 4:45 pm
#33 cuzzy
amazing idea!
letting everyone do the work for you is just brilliant
Jun 11, 2007 at 3:39 am
#32 Snufkin
If ya’ll ever take contributions a la Found or PostSecret, I have a couple awesome notes from my upstairs neighbor. Basically she’s a 70something year old lady from Germany with limited English who likes to leave me helpful notes about how I need to do laundry around her sleeping schedule or not cook with teriyaki because it’s ruining her furniture. Although my latest favorite (no note unfortunately) was her calling the property managers to insist that every time I run the A/C, I’m triggering the pilot light in her place and trying to give her CO2 poisoning.
Jun 9, 2007 at 11:28 pm
#31 lowercase L
Thank you for Blogrolling me, PAN! Wouldn’t it be great if we find a passive-aggressive note written in all caps except for lowercase L’s?
Jun 9, 2007 at 9:50 pm
#30 A Lesson A Day
This is clearly the second best site on any of the internets. So, everyone, let’s pitch in and keep it that way. Everyone deserves to enjoy a nice site like this.
Jun 8, 2007 at 6:31 am
#29 Trula
This site is brilliant! I laughed so hard reading some entries. Excellent concept!
Jun 7, 2007 at 6:53 pm
#28 Ty
OMG! I saved a note from a college roommate to always remind me of A) how crazy she was, and B) how crazy I wasn’t…Must find that note to send to you!! (note: she was my roommate in 1999/2000…and I know I still have it…
)
This is great!
Jun 4, 2007 at 9:02 am
#27 Esther
Find this site has made my day! Keep up the good work.
Jun 2, 2007 at 6:26 am
#26 piereth
I just adore the smell of all that pent-up irritation and cringemaking righteous anger. Evolution? This is all the farther we’ve come! Squabbling like a bunch of apes at a banana convention. You guys are the way ahead!
Jun 1, 2007 at 6:56 am
#25 Travelling With Hope
oh thank you for a much needed laugh today. my old roommate was the queen of notes. she would leave them on the back of the door of the toilet, so when you sat down, you were forced to read it. too bad i didn’t save them!
May 31, 2007 at 11:51 pm
#24 modobs
This blog is absolutely wonderful. Keep it up !
May 31, 2007 at 6:36 am
#23 Al aka Elizabeth
i hate doing taxes so i appreciate all the funny notes to make my day go by faster!
keep it up!
Big Al
May 29, 2007 at 2:09 pm
#22 Mel
Brilliant. I wish I had some of the archives of notes left in the office I used to work in… the variety ranged from notes about stolen food (always a classic) to boogers on the walls in the ladies room (it’s not always the men’s room that’s messier, apparently). Sadly, I now work mostly from home, and passive-aggressive as my boyfriend and I might be, we tend to act it out rather than leave notes.
But I do love reading other people’s, er, dirty laundry.
Keep it up.
May 28, 2007 at 11:15 pm
#21 Dooser
where’s the feeeed?
May 28, 2007 at 9:51 pm
#20 ren25
Great site, very enjoyable. Should I come across any appropriate messages, I shall send them to you (do emails count?)
May 28, 2007 at 9:07 am
#19 arows1faith
Ditto ^^^^
Arow
May 25, 2007 at 9:07 pm
#18 El Creel
So the best passive aggressive note I’ve ever left has sadly gone into the dumpster. My dumb ass roommate affectionately named “dirty bear” lives in the attic and has the domestic acumen of a hyper-active spoiled four-year-old. He left his massive sams club frozen lasagna box in the trash un-crumpled. There was no space for anything else. What resulted was said box being put in his bed with this lovely little note writting in the first person with the box as the speaker, “As a box I am personally offended at being subjected to the trash in an uncrumpeled state. I enjoy communing with the other kitchen scraps and would prefer to be collapsed and inserted into the trash can, or if you want to be a real winner and further my cause, please take me to the dumpster. Thanks, The Box.”
May 25, 2007 at 8:34 pm
#17 Michael
instead of a single note, can I submit an entire person? like my mother?
May 25, 2007 at 11:14 am
#16 Tony
I agree this is an excellent idea. Also don’t forget about TEXT MESSAGES. The younger generations are much just as likely to communicate displeasure with those! I also agree with the person who says take PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE out of your title. It confuses what your concept is and doesn’t really make sense. Think “Angry” or “Seething”. Put those words in at thesaurus.com and I’m sure you’ll find the PERFECT name for this great concept. Good Luck
May 25, 2007 at 10:29 am
#15 Jones
I am loving your site! it is hilarious. but I must be angry with you: because I have found your site (through honeyjar, btw. check the link, I guest blogg there sometimes) I now cannot do my work because I must read your stuff. if my performance review turns out badly, I am blaming you, ok?
May 24, 2007 at 1:30 am
#14 julie
i like alot of these ive got a letter i wrote my mom maybe i should put it up here but i dont know if its considered passive aggressive
May 23, 2007 at 6:35 pm
#13 Dave
Does this mean I’ll have to take photos of all the notes I leave for my housemate now?
May 23, 2007 at 11:21 am
#12 Jeannette
I don’t mean to be too bossy here because I know that you have sooo much on your plate right now! But anyway, I’m sure you know that offices are usually the best places to observe classic passive-aggressive behavior in its purest form. So, I think it would be GREAT if you could maybe incorporate a collection of those office emails that we all love so much into your FABULOUS project. I mean, my work email inbox right now is one steaming load of passive-aggressive notes, full of “suggestions” and “recommendations.” Well…you get the picture.
Thanks sooo much and keep up the super duper GREAT work!
May 23, 2007 at 10:53 am
#11 whatladder
This idea is awesome! I will definitely go through my files at work tomorrow and see if I kept that fabulous note I got from my co-worker after I asked him to stop sexually harrassing me.
May 22, 2007 at 10:04 pm
#10 O. Dear
This is amazing. I heart you.
May 22, 2007 at 10:02 pm
#9 Stef
Excellent idea. Passive aggresive notes should definitely be ridiculed..
May 22, 2007 at 9:17 pm
#8 Lindsay
Amazing! After my girlfriend and I looked at this we decided it needed a “Crazy Captain’s log” section just to document all of the crazy notes/emails/text messages she leaves us.
May 22, 2007 at 5:25 pm
#7 Rick
Man, I had a great one…My neighbor left a note for me that read “Dear neighbor: I was wondering if you were planning on doing anything about your tree. It’s branches are hanging over our fence…” It went on like that without ever coming out and asking me to do anything, i.e., get my tree trimmed. It was pathetic.
May 22, 2007 at 4:48 pm
#6 Crizzle
This is a great idea. I’m only sorry I’ve thrown away some of the notes I’ve received from roommates.
May 22, 2007 at 3:57 pm
#5 onesorryblog
Your “About” page has the same name as that of One Sorry Blog! I wonder how many others there are?
May 22, 2007 at 3:13 pm
#4 Lauren D
Absolutely LOVE this project. My roommate is very passive agressive and leaves some of the funniest notes around. They are so mean, yet decorated with hearts. She never wants confrontation so there are notes everywhere. I just sent you the most recent. I’m definately bookmarking your site.
May 22, 2007 at 3:09 pm
#3 Elizabeth
This is fantastic!! How long do you intend to keep this site going?? We gets loads of notes in our kitchen at my office.
May 22, 2007 at 1:46 pm
#2 josh
It seems to me that you have made the definition of ‘passive-aggressive’ be leaving a note for someone, and maybe the note includes the word please, but maybe not.
I like the idea of documenting these notes, but I think that your name is off and/or your collection too broad.
When I need to communicate with an unknown person who visits a known place, there is no option other than to leave a note. (or stand there indefinately waiting for the person, and of course there is a high liklihood that said person - who is unknown to me - will not display the unwanted behavior in my presence)
I left a note once on two mystery trashcans that showed up in front of my house one trash day. I did not want them, so I left them there. They were still there a week later. I put a note on them. The note didn’t work. I still have the trashcans.
You probably would have liked the note.
May 22, 2007 at 10:29 am
#1 Andy
Wonderful idea. I wish I’d saved the mass of notes that have been left in my current flat.
May 22, 2007 at 8:16 am
Leave a Comment