I don’t want to oversell this, but the following series of three signs (sent in by a health-club patron who wishes to remain nameless) just became my new all-time favorite. I love so many things about Richard G. Sells’s first masterpiece (below) that I don’t even know where to begin.
![Twice someone has crapped all over the wall, back of the toilet, under the toilet, on the seat, under the seat, and on the floor without getting any of the crap in the toilet stool [sic] itself.](http://farm1.static.flickr.com/206/510292393_af8844e94d_o.jpg "Twice someone has crapped all over the wall, back of the toilet, under the toilet, on the seat, under the seat, and on the floor without getting any of the crap in the toilet stool [sic] itself.")
The best part, I think, might be the Freudian slip mid-way through (“…without getting any of the crap in the toilet stool itself.”)
But it doesn’t end there! Read acts 2 and 3.
36 responses so far ↓
#1
Mel
Oh please. I cleaned at a corporate office building. I had to scrub the Men’s Room, which reeked of a gym locker. I found hemmoroid cream once. But the worst was the bowel that was always all over the walls and the seat and the back of the toilet tank. My sister and I took turns cleaning every other night. We took to labeling the guy E.B.B. (Explosive Bowel Boy). Every day, he’d explode his bowels over both pots in the men’s room that had the two stalls. It was just about the nastiest thing I’ve ever had to clean up. Then there was the time someone in the Men’s room overflowed the toilet. It was my sister’s night to clean. They didnt even bother to let anyone know. She ended up putting four extra hours in fighting with the wet/dry vac that kept shutting off trying to clean up the pond that was left behind. In my janitorial experience, the men’s room was always far worse than the ladies’.
May 22, 2007 at 10:30 pm rating: 90
#2
I Zimbra
A truly fabulous note. I love the unintended (?) pun the best.
May 22, 2007 at 10:41 pm rating: 90
#3
mannabozo
Wow…that letter is insane. I loved it. Especially the threat to put “cameras in the ladies room”. Exactly how would you follow through on such a threat without breaking 20 laws?
May 22, 2007 at 11:10 pm rating: 90
#4
Pie
Throughout the entire note, he manages to keep up the pretense that this shitty disaster was *accidental*. Maybe he thinks ‘ladies’ are just too nice to do that sort of thing?
This was no boating accident!
May 23, 2007 at 1:31 am rating: 90
#5
Elliot
I bet anything that there wasn’t even any poop on the walls. He just wanted to put up this notice so that he’d have his bases covered when someone took him to court for putting cameras in the ladies room.
May 23, 2007 at 2:48 am rating: 90
#6
Genevieve
Haha a coworker just showed me this website. I’m stoked. This is great. It reminds me of this post on my blog.
May 23, 2007 at 8:49 am rating: 90
#7
John en Willeke
Deze side is top! Goedgekeurd door John en Willeke. Neem ook eens een kijkje op onze vernieuwde side en laat een berichtje achter in ons gastenboek. Groetjes uit Braband.
May 23, 2007 at 8:58 am rating: 90
#8
Allstar
Poop on the wall… Hmm… Sounds like mr Hankey the Christmas poo! Hidy-ho! Was this message written during Christmas?
May 23, 2007 at 9:03 am rating: 90
#9
Tanaya
My husband and I manage a small professional building and we clean the restrooms, as well. I have wanted to put up a sign like this for 10 years. SH#T like this really does happen, more often than I like to admit.
May 23, 2007 at 9:55 am rating: 90
#10
whodunnit
we had a mad bomber extreme using the only (co-ed) toilet on a floor of about fifty people once. the worst part was the suspicion. i must have mentally blamed at least ten of the weirdest guys on the floor for it.
May 23, 2007 at 11:21 am rating: 90
#11
Lexi
Ok, I know I am probably wrong. But I can’t help but think sometimes that women’s bathrooms have to be more disgusting. Especially when based on the constant foulness of the ladies rooms in my office. Sorry to be blunt but do you have any idea how many times I have seen blood and or shit ALL over the toilet seats?? It truly makes me ill. And to think I would for a reputable company- a state agency for that matter.
May 23, 2007 at 11:30 am rating: 90
#12
minus five
the notes just keep getting better. i can’t wait for #2 and #3.
May 23, 2007 at 11:52 am rating: 90
#13
Adair
I am firmly on this man’s side. Cleaning up somebody else feces may be one of the few valid reasons to unleash both the ALLCAPS of rage and multiple exlamation points.
May 23, 2007 at 12:05 pm rating: 90
#14
Natalia Antonova
This does happen. My friend works as a camp counselor during the summers, and he said that there was a kid who did this on a regular basis. On purpose.
Yuck.
May 23, 2007 at 12:15 pm rating: 90
#15
Gman
This is priceless. When I was 18 I worked as a Janitorial Supervisor, and in most of the commercial buildings I had to clean, the Ladies rooms smelled and looked a lot worse then the mens rooms. I would say it was a 70/30 split. No offense, ladies, but it is true.
I never understood why ladies will hover over a ladies toilet knowing full well that there is not a lot of risk for pissing on the seat by men. My Wife has never pissed on our toilet seat. Men hover because men do piss all over toilet seats. Hell, when I lift a publc seat, I do it with my Boot, and I also flush with my Boots.
May 23, 2007 at 12:21 pm rating: 90
#16
Lauren
Women hover cause they are too damn lazy to put a toilet coversheet down or line it with toilet paper…
May 23, 2007 at 12:47 pm rating: 90
#17
psipsina
Women hover because other women hover. Think about it.
May 23, 2007 at 1:21 pm rating: 90
#18
Sara
psipsina // May 23rd 2007 at 1:21 pm
Women hover because other women hover. Think about it.
What came first the chicken or the egg?
May 23, 2007 at 2:23 pm rating: 90
#19
Katja
I’ve never understood the hovering thing myself. I think those toilet seat covers are a waste of time too. You’re way more likely to pick up germs from touching the handle, the faucets, the doorknob, and things like phones and keyboards. Just keep washing your hands (and the rest of your body) and you’ll be fine.
By the way, in my 26 years of using ladies’ rooms, I never saw anything close to something like this.
May 23, 2007 at 4:19 pm rating: 90
#20
jamie
I used to clean at an office building. In my experience, the men’s was dirtier, smellier, and messier on a day-to-day basis, maybe an unflushed turd now and then, but all of that was nothing compared to the monthly (hmmm…) fecal freakouts in the ladies’ room.
It’s just mind-blowingly disgusting. We’re talking hand-smeared poo EVERYWHERE. Entire turds *outside* the toilet.
Also, the writer of this note doesn’t seem to quite understand the meaning of the word “ignorant.” Nor “stool” for that matter.
May 24, 2007 at 10:17 am rating: 90
#21
Heather
I guess we all make that same choice every day. Either we: 1. Not poop on the floor. or 2. Bowel explosion at our own house. Richard never said if he would come to my house and clean it, if I so chose to excerise the second option. How ’bout it, Richard?? (Richard G. Sells….. sounds funny. I bet he sure as hell don’t sell cleaning supplies or this would not be an issue. LOL).
May 28, 2007 at 11:31 pm rating: 90
#22
Jessica
I worked at a convenience store and dealt with this numerous times when I went to clean the women’s room. Overall, the men’s room was more disgusting, I mean on a day-to-day basis. But the times I had to clean up shit it was ALWAYS the women’s room. And yes, Elliot, there was poop on the wall. Smeared. Wall, floor, all over the toilet, even poop on the sink.
I wondered if maybe it wasn’t someone trying to empty her colostomy bag and making a huge mess.
May 29, 2007 at 10:25 am rating: 90
#23 the mad bomber, act 3: we are watching you
[...] you missed them, act 1 and act [...]
Jun 8, 2007 at 8:34 am rating: 90
#24 do the rest of us a favor
[...] like both the mad bomber and richard g. sells have west-coast [...]
Jun 19, 2007 at 7:04 pm rating: 90
#25
glyonline
oww.. i didnt know ‘some ‘ can do all of these CRAP! just glad these things does not happen to my country..how disgusting. these people are really illiterate, dumb and inconsiderate!
Jul 14, 2007 at 11:47 am rating: 90
#26
glyonline
oww.. i didnt know ’some ‘ can do all of these CRAP! just glad these things does not happen in my country..how disgusting. these people are really illiterate, dumb and inconsiderate! they should not be treated as human beings rather pigs!!!
Jul 14, 2007 at 11:49 am rating: 91
#27 evidently, yes
[...] least they don’t have a mad bomber on the [...]
Aug 2, 2007 at 4:13 am rating: 91
#28 are you there, margaret? god, could you be any more disgusting?
[...] then there’s this one, which brings up the old mad bomber-era debate about which gender leaves the bathrooms in worse [...]
Sep 20, 2007 at 10:11 pm rating: 91
#29
Julia
Haha, I like the way he writes “..clean up the mess you have made or tell anyone about it”
Oh hai there, I’ve just crapped everywhere. Can someone clean it up please?”
Sep 21, 2007 at 4:52 am rating: 91
#30
CMID
I was the odd job guy at the local Kmart during college (handled everytying from loss prevention to getting carts) and the only time I got called to the Men’s room was when the urinal was leaking.
But I’d get called to the Ladies’ room all the time. One time in particular, this one stall needed to be PLUNGED, then CLEANED. When I got there, it seemed like every possible bodily function had taken place all over the floor, in the bowl, walls.
A spent tampon was the culprit in the toilet.
Sep 29, 2007 at 11:47 pm rating: 91
#31
Loft Lizard
I love notes that claim you can stop reading if it does not apply to you.
How the fuck do you know that until you read it?
“Ladies.”
Ladies know how to behave and a lady always knows when it is time to go. Even if it means going all over the wall, under the seat, and on the tank.
The threat of surveillance is fantastic!
B – LL
Dec 3, 2007 at 11:03 pm rating: 91
#32 the mad bomber, act 2: please stay seated during the entire performance
[...] if you missed it, act 1. [...]
Dec 29, 2007 at 3:25 pm rating: 92
#33 if you needed an excuse to skip the gym today
[...] the mad bomber digg_skin = ‘compact’; reddit! stumble it! function [...]
Mar 28, 2008 at 1:45 am rating: 91
#34
orangetiki
He may have excused himself from the language, but not his poor spelling. SHAME!!!!
Apr 16, 2008 at 9:32 pm rating: 90
#35
Barbara
I used to work at a Pizza Hut and somebody was mysteriously smearing shit on the walls of the women’s bathroom. Once a month, they’d also smear their dirty tampon on the walls. It was a freaking nightmare and we all had to take turns cleaning.
We found out it was the dishwasher. We only found this out because she got fired for purposely hurling a large rack of pizza pans at the manager. Then the smearing stopped.
May 18, 2008 at 7:53 am rating: 90
#36
Hunki
I had to take home tapes and watch them of all the activity in the ladies’ room. Yes, a lousy business, but to find a bomber such as this, it was worth it. We are now married with 3 kids, and we all smear our waste liberally.
Jul 23, 2008 at 5:23 pm rating: 90
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