Upon further reflection, screw you

September 1st, 2007 · 53 comments

While Jessica was a college student in Boston, she lived in a five-person apartment with one friend and three strangers. Jess says apartment issues were rarely (if ever talked about directly (there was but one “meeting), but were instead handled through a series of “love notes” from Anne, like this one.

passiveaggressivenotes.com: memorandum to roommates

Most of the points in this letter, Jessica adds, were directed at one person in particular — her friend, with whom Anne shared a room. And when Anne was told to “remind people to clean” at the meeting, Jess says she and her roommates were simply referring to when and if it began to bother her. Oh, and the building’s rodent problem was a pre-existing condition.

FILED UNDER: Boston · cleaning · dishes · garbage · guests · not-so-veiled threats · vermin · water · Your mother doesn't...

53 responses so far ↓

  • #1   E

    Actually, if Not Your Mother was asked to remind people when to clean, this note is hardly PA – it is fulfilling the wishes of the roommates (I’d get tired of reminding people too).

    While the rodent problem may have been a “pre-existing” condition, wrappers and crap left out certainly insures they enter your apt. instead of your neighbors (What college has such skanky dorms with mice, anyway? We had rats that lived OUTSIDE, around the dumpsters and in the ivy, but not IN our rooms)

    When I lived with more than one roommate – we usually left notes for each other too… people had such busy schedules that we preferred to have fun time together when we were all there than boring meetings.

    But then, when we left notes that we had company coming, etc…. people cleaned up their own shit.

    Sep 1, 2007 at 12:42 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #2   BoggyWoggy

    You go, Girl! Tell them! That’s right!
    Are you sure those are mouse feces? Maybe they are little balls of delicious chocolates! You should try them out. Of course, hantavirus and leptosporosis could be a problem, but at least when you are dead, you won’t be worrying about the filth.

    Sep 1, 2007 at 2:06 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #3   Cat Skyfire

    It cooler climates, it’s not uncommon for mice to make their way indoors. It’s not always a matter of cleanliness, but that it’s warmer and there will always be a more ready source of food. (A single dropped crumb is meaningful to a mouse.) I get mice every fall, until word gets around the mouse community that I have a White Beast of Death (my cat).

    These notes do make me glad I live alone.

    Sep 1, 2007 at 2:07 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #4   ginger

    it’s not ok toexpect your room mate to remind you ro clean when your mess starts to bother her. folks just ought to clesn up. you lotsound like dirty bitches ! lol

    Sep 1, 2007 at 2:28 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #5   marius

    The thing I like best is the “CONFIDENTIAL” watermark at the bottom.

    Sep 1, 2007 at 3:09 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #6   Andy

    marius: I also love that watermark! Wow, I didn’t realize that Word had a template called “crazy bitch-note”.

    There are so many things from this note that we know and love to hate: speaking for another roomie in an attempt to misdirect the bitch source, mentioning of multiple meetings, and reassurances that she’s not here to be everyone’s mother, while totally going Mom on everyone.

    Classic! I especially love the ultimatum at the end, with her having to explain exactly when she’ll go to the RA and all (saying exactly one week, then having to explain WHAT exactly one week is).

    To think this one probably graduated from college, moved on to the workforce, and took her crazy-ass note writing skills to the professional level makes me think that she hates it when the copy paper isn’t put in the copy room, dammit.

    Sep 1, 2007 at 4:13 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #7   justme

    Is she crazy? Yes
    Is she a condescending b****? Yes
    Should she have to clean up your mess? No

    Sep 1, 2007 at 9:37 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #8   aliastaken

    Use of the word feces is PA. The term is mouse shit. Come on.

    Sep 1, 2007 at 9:38 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #9   bigduh

    Seriously, Jessica held onto this note for (almost) two years? B**** alert.

    Sep 1, 2007 at 10:32 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #10   bethany

    wait, is Katelyn’s brita filter missing the FILTER? Because can’t Katelyn just put water in there herself instead of writing a note and waiting for days? I mean, I know Katelyn likes her water cold….

    Also, I don’t think a few dishes in the sink for two days is that big of a mess, although I will admit that now in my old age I and my roommate only ever leave things in the sink for max one day. Maybe I’m a dirty bitch too.

    Sep 1, 2007 at 10:51 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #11   Cheeto

    Hey “Jess”,

    Maybe you should grow up and learn to clean up after yourself instead of complaining about it online . Saying its you roommates’ fault for not reminding you pretty much says it all.

    PS – Are those your dishes in the sink? The dishwasher’s (still) empty.

    Sunshine & kittens,

    Sep 1, 2007 at 11:00 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #12   Joe

    Please. Those of you who think the writer is a bitch have no clue what a real bitch is. According to you, she should have no problem living with mouse shit on the floor, cleaning up after other people’s guests, or putting up with rotting food on dirty dishes left in the kitchen sink. My guess is those who think she’s a bitch live in pretty similar circumstances to those she’s describing — i.e., pigstys (look it up). Also, there is absolutely nothing “passiveaggressive” about this note whatsoever. Jess is not only a slob, she’s a clueless slob.

    Sep 1, 2007 at 12:47 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #13   spiderflowers

    See that list from yesterday was better than a note after all! This note is lame.

    Sep 1, 2007 at 12:48 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #14   Kai

    Aghhh I am packing up and moving into college today. (After leaving high school about six years ago.) Is this what I have to look forward to? Cranky flatmates and mouse droppings? Messy guests and missing bread? I must prepare my soul and ready the passive-aggressive part. Or I could just talk to them about problems. I imagine I’ll be older than my roommates, but I doubt senioirity counts with them. Except for the fact I’m old enough to buy beer. They’ll get their hands on beer somehow.. I’ll convince them I’m part of a secret society of ninja Jews. I can vanish and reappear at will, so convincing them shouldn’t be hard.

    Nothing like convincing my flatmates that I’m deranged so they’ll leave me alone… How P-A of me.

    Sep 1, 2007 at 1:04 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #15   SANTI

    .. wow… she gave a deadline and everything.

    Sep 1, 2007 at 1:40 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #16   Aline

    This isn’t even passive aggressive… She is just complaining about things that are obviously a problem.

    This site is losing it’s touch…

    Sep 1, 2007 at 2:32 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #17   bethany

    Kai – I got along with all my college roommates. And we communicated via respectful conversation.

    I really think it’s the ultimatum that makes this note worthy of this site.

    Sep 1, 2007 at 3:40 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #18   Jeff

    I love the official “Memorandum” layout!

    And Brita has one t and should be capitalized because it’s a brand name.

    Sep 1, 2007 at 4:01 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #19   Jeff

    PS: to all those who say this “doesn’t belong here:”

    1. For all you know, these weren’t even problems and Anne is just batshit crazy. Maybe the mouse droppings were fake… or raisins.

    2. It’s been widely discussed that the act of writing a note like this is passive-aggressive, thereby making the note so by its very existence. Especially when you call it a “memorandum” and make threats.

    Sep 1, 2007 at 4:04 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #20   Dave9

    She has to fish dishes out of the garbage disposal? How does that work? Most dishes would be too large to fit in the drain hole.

    Sep 1, 2007 at 4:16 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #21   Nanna

    I agree, the threats are what put it over the top. If she wasn’t being passive-agressive, she would have just come up to them, gotten in their face and yelled her threats. To put all that in a note, yeah, passive-agressive. Even the nicest notes with valid reasons are.

    Sep 1, 2007 at 6:09 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #22   Fraulein N

    Team Anne. Remind you to CLEAN UP AFTER YOURSELF? Yeah, not so much.

    Also, Team Let Katelyn Speak For Herself.

    Sep 1, 2007 at 6:51 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #23   anglophile

    What makes it totally p-a is the use of the MS Word “memorandum” template. Classic! I bet she first tried “elegant letter” but it didn’t look official enough.

    Sep 1, 2007 at 8:08 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #24   T-Bone

    To: Anne
    From: T-Bone

    Please stick your memo up your ass and go talk to the R.A. about getting a room reassignment.

    Sep 2, 2007 at 12:23 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #25   Trickster

    Memorandum? Whatever happened to just leaving a plain old ugly note with commentaries? That note is too much…


    seriously? She was asked by these other adult people to remind them of when to clean? The ONLY acceptable solution when living with others is, CLEAN YOUR SHIT UP! At once. If you are too lazy to do the dishes, take them with you to your own private area, don’t pollute the common areas with your filth!
    And if you have a pre-existing rodent problem, all the more reason to NOT leave your lazy ass shit all over the place!

    Sep 2, 2007 at 4:10 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #26   Jeff

    Wow. I just noticed the “Confidential” on the bottom. Wow.

    Sep 2, 2007 at 5:19 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #27   Jay

    Well, someone had to be the grownup and take charge, although I admit, the memo is a unnecessarily formal. I don’t consider the deadline a threat. If there are mouse turds on the counter, verbal warnings won’t/didn’t accomplish anything.

    Sep 3, 2007 at 3:12 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #28   Sazbot

    Dear Jeff,

    Why should there be raisins on the floor in anyone’s apartment?

    Sep 3, 2007 at 10:53 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #29   Jeff

    It was a joke. I’m just saying people like Anne (the way I see her in my mind) are convinced they do ALL the cleaning, and eventually start seeing things. I know because I lived with one. I did all my dishes and vacuumed daily, yet I was “always leaving a mess” for him to clean up (e-mailing me to tell me so, or texting me while I was IN THE ROOM to confront me). I generally call bullshit on people who write notes claiming no one else but them does anything.

    Sep 3, 2007 at 1:59 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #30   claw71

    Notes are almost always passive aggressive because they demonstrate a clear desire to avoid direct confrontation. Even though the note might lack the traditional cues the act of leaving the note is PA. If you can’t directly address the people you live with you’ve got a passive aggressive personality

    Sep 3, 2007 at 7:03 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #31   Trickster

    claw71, that or you work different shifts. When I had a flatmate, we were never home at the same time, cause she had a 8-5 job and I work 12hr night shifts, from 7pm-7am, so she was out the door before I came home and I was out before she got back from work.

    Sep 3, 2007 at 9:06 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #32   claw71


    I still think that you’d find time to confer over serious housekeeping issues especially given the nature of misinterpretation.

    Sep 3, 2007 at 9:42 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #33   Anna-banana

    Sazbot….I guess you don’t have kids or one kid. Raisins end up on the carpet, in the folds of your couch, etc. of your apartment.

    That’s life.

    You deal & clean it up.

    Now, rat turds are another issue. One I don’t have to clean up. Don’t have rats.

    Sure are a lot of exhibitionists on this website, displaying their blog addys.

    Sep 3, 2007 at 11:02 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #34   claw71

    I’ve never purchased raisins in my life and they turn up in strange places all over my house. I think they sneak in at night. Raisins are evil but that Sun Maid chick is so hot.

    Sep 4, 2007 at 9:16 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #35   Mishee

    looks like Anna needs to start whipping these roommates into shape or get the hell outta there!!

    claw, the sunmaid chick used to be hot, but now that they have used some weird Computer Animation on her, she’s kinda creepy in my opinion!

    Sep 4, 2007 at 12:24 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #36   Anna-banana

    #34-are you sure they’re raisins? Could be rat turds.

    Sun Maid chick is old-school.

    St. Pauli girl is better.

    And, no. I don’t go for girls.

    ‘raisins are evil’. Hee hee.

    Sep 4, 2007 at 1:05 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #37   claw71

    Yeah the version on the website does look like something out of the Sims but I’d still trim her bushes. Of course the version they peddled in the 1920′s looks like somebody beat her for not drying those grapes fast enough.

    Sep 4, 2007 at 1:06 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #38   Mishee

    claw you kill me! after that comment I had to go and check it out myself. did you see the woman who was the model for it? the look of her buck teeth makes me want to feed her some oats or a carrot or something…

    Sep 4, 2007 at 1:13 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #39   Anna-banana

    Hee haw!

    Sep 4, 2007 at 1:15 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #40   joobs

    I thought the 1923 maid looked like Katie Holmes, with those droopy eyes.

    But the eyebrows on the original model! Lord, the EYEBROWS!!!!

    Sep 4, 2007 at 1:31 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #41   Nanna

    Yes those eyebrows are something else!

    Sep 4, 2007 at 1:42 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #42   Mishee

    Forget the eyebrows! What about the horse teeth!!!?

    Sep 4, 2007 at 1:46 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #43   a

    This is why i don’t have female roommates. Guys are way more easy going about shit like this. She needs to move into a place with anal bitches like herself.

    Sep 4, 2007 at 3:57 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #44   Bebo

    A PA rating system would be sweet for a note like this. Anytime a deadline is used-1 point. Watermark when you’re in college writing to your roomates? 3 points.

    Sep 4, 2007 at 5:13 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #45   Anna-banana

    #43 then they would just kill each other. Hey! That’s an idea.

    Darwinism at work.


    Sep 4, 2007 at 7:43 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #46   claw71

    Anal Bitches?

    Isn’t that a John Stagliano film? I think Traci Lords was in it.

    Sep 4, 2007 at 7:46 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #47   Sazbot

    Dear Jeff,

    Nah, I’m not buying it. I lived with 9 people in my first year at university and 4 people in my second and third years. I spent most of those three years cleaning. I’m not saying that the others never did anything. Of course they did from time to time, but primarily it was me. I had to leave some notes in my time, but usually they were about radioactive ants invading England.

    Sep 5, 2007 at 9:32 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #48   Trixie

    “Actually” I love that it’s in Memo form.

    What’s more hilarious is how serious some of these commenters are taking these things!

    Sep 8, 2007 at 4:45 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #49   upon further reflection...

    Love the watermark!
    This site is addictive. I am so glad I have a nonhuman roommate.
    I wish I had saved some of the notes from when I shared an apartment with two guys in New Orleans. One of the guys used to invite his girlfriend over, and get her to leave notes. It was even funnier that what she left notes about were usually his messes.

    Sep 8, 2007 at 5:15 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #50   pjc

    Goddamn it, housemates who talk and act like work managers piss me off…

    Nov 6, 2008 at 5:18 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #51   sam

    notes like this remind me so much of my own university experience.


    Nov 6, 2008 at 1:24 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #52   please resubmit your inquiry after it has been properly notarized. regards, your flatmates

    [...] related: memorandum to the roommates [...]

    Oct 12, 2009 at 10:20 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #53   Abby

    I don’t see anything wrong with this note. If you’re in college you should be able to clean up after yourself without having to be asked. If you can’t you should live alone. No one should have to clean up someone else’s shit.

    Jun 22, 2010 at 7:22 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up


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